|Reviews for Sailor Moon: MechWarrior|
| The Gandhara chapter 3 . 10/17/2006
Well, there are some thing in this chapter I'd like to address.
First, I don't see what's the rush to get Lita and Darien into battle. It's gonna look unnatural if they can hold their own agaist seasoned pilots with just one day of training. A more detailed training it's probably tedious to write, but necessary.
Second, I think Lita agreed to Darien's point of view too easily. It doesn't look like her. She's a stubborn girl (as mentioned in this very chapter) and her lack of family has led her to develope very strong bonds with the other senshi. I can't imagine her being convinced so easily and I can't believe she'd leave her friends behind so easily. Plus, in my opinion, it's a waste to solve such friction between Darien and Lita so quickly. It could have been used to spice things up and include and original element in the story.
Third, Darien has decided to stay where he's now, and yet later in his conversation with Rebecca and talks as if Serena and Rini haven't gone out of his live forever, as if there's a chance that they can still be together eventually. That's no coherent, I think.
Four, Avalon II is, as far as I can tell since it seems controlled by the Jade Falcons, hostile terrain. Plus, Lita had orders to obey at the time. As noble as helping out with the bazaar is, it wasn't the place nor the time, much less when she was dressed in the uniform that marked her as the enemy and her comrades were waiting for her. Doesn't she realize that she's putting herself and the other Wolf Dragoons in danger? The way I see it, her actions a akin to stop running to read the newspaper while being pursued by rabid dogs. It makes her seem like the biggest idiot in the world.
Five, when Lita asked Ryan about what the other pilots meant about the Clan, I think you forgot to put in the name of which clan. I thought she was refering to the one they were about to fight, the Jade Fancons Clan, and then Ryan began talking about his own family.
| The Gandhara chapter 2 . 8/31/2006
Quite nice. Your story was a welcome relief after two pages of poorly written fics. It was great to finally read a story well-structured and with clear facts. Authors in this section are abusing obscureness and they sometimes don't even reveal the crossover till chapter three or four.
I don't know the series you've crossed Sailor Moon with. It's not an anime, is it? Is it an american cartoon? A comic? A videogame? I'd like a bit of info. If it's not widely known, if could be a drawback for your fic.
| PriestessHelene chapter 2 . 8/20/2006
Good story so far. Want to see how the story unfolds.
| ShadowHawk chapter 2 . 8/19/2006
nice, more please
| ShadowHawk chapter 1 . 8/1/2006
this fic has promise to it, I'll join you and help you finish it