That was mostly a mess. There wasn't much of a point, the pace of the story was non-existent and you went from one scene to the next without any clear changes, so at some point in the conversations we just had to sort of figure out where the characters actually were and who and how many of them were in the scene. The reader was given no connection to any of the characters at all. The "I'm free as the wind" gimmick got very old very fast. And in the end, thse story didn't really solve anything, it was just given a cop out ending. It just didn't work for me at all.

I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed the idea of Daria and Jake bonding over dinosaurs. That was nicely done, and I could definitely see Jake going nuts over dinosaurs.

Nice to know Jakey-boy gets it right sometime. But if you ever do a sequel, I wanna KNOW about this Zon and Lazlo business. I think the two incidents are related!

It was kind of annoying to read, a neato idea, but I didn't really like the way you wrote the Ariel girl.