|Reviews for Messy|
| Sasuketaemin chapter 1 . 12/6/2010
luved it i thought it was really cute
| Twinnet chapter 1 . 8/9/2010
This was cute.(:
| Jho chapter 1 . 1/24/2009
That was really cute
| NRGburst chapter 1 . 5/7/2008
Very sweet. Those little details- chocolate around Marlene's mouth, tired knees- make it really come to life.
Anyway, going to check out your other stuff now- faves.
| Sousukes-Girl chapter 1 . 11/14/2007
That was too cute. Man, if you haven't noticed, I found one of your stories and then just had to click on your profile so that I could read so many more! I can't believe it's taken me so long rummaging through here to find your works!
Anyways, this was too cute. I LOVE it!
| Neophyte Ronin chapter 1 . 9/17/2007
Well, isn't that sweet...!
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: No problems.
Structure/Pace/Flow: A few snags here and there. The opening paragraph is quite long for instance. You should have had the quote begin on its own, then move onto the next paragraph. This story doesn't necessarily have what I call a "Baited Hook" with which to pull a reader into the world. The rest is good... once it gets moving, of course. The use of italics is appreciated, too.
Style: Well, it's all in good fun. There's no problem with that.
Plot: The one thing video games tend to lack is a real sense of a domestic or ordinary world; it over-emphasizes the extraordinary. Earthbound being one notable exception, few if any role-playing games actually capture modern life and properly integrate it into the action. So to see the perils of leaving a guy to do a lady's job (seeing how she's got a quicker rod) when we're talking about two youngbloods who got involved in one of those big world-saving mystical quests... well, it's always refreshing for me.
Characterization: How did Marlene find out that Cloud's a cross-dresser? I guess that Aerith loved to be an absolute freakin' chatterbox! Well putting that aside-no, put that in-let's just say you captured a real moment. It's also possible for that whole mess to start. Kids will do that to adults when given the chance. Yuffie will love being a babysitter. And it's nice to see Tifa actually pursue Cloud just a little more aggressively in the end, plotting a wonderful repayment for him. It's like they're married or something.
Canon Consistency: Nobody acts out-of-character... especially the kids.
Originality: It's fluff but good... like a whole bag of marshmallows you're eatin' in front of the monitor, reading this stuff. That sort of fluff. But it's so good...!
Does this fit? Yeah, to get into the running for "Best Short-Fic" (see my bio for a link to Genesis Awards, where they're nominating this stuff), it stands a good chance like the others do.
Overall, this fic entertained me. If it did that (without too many technical slip-ups), then it's worth keeping around. Keep up the good work.
| luneress chapter 1 . 8/16/2007
Aw. Nice. But so short. Wish it was longer. Amazing job.
| Creative Spark chapter 1 . 7/4/2007
That was really sweet, and well writen. Nice work. :)
| Ryan Brooklyn chapter 1 . 6/2/2007
Very cute, very well done. I enjoyed it immensely. :-D
| WitchyElphaba chapter 1 . 5/15/2007
It just occurred to me that the batter mess was probably by Cloud XD
This was so adorable, I really loved this!
| rys345 chapter 1 . 2/25/2007
lmao i enjoyed reading this and especially loved the bit where u described the trio sleeping on the couch and marlene still having chocolate all round her mouth :D that was so cute. the simplicity and vividness of the words that you used to describe seventh heaven after the cookie batter attack was great! write more!
| raron2ride chapter 1 . 12/27/2006
wow. batter on the ceiling.
but i love this pic. just love the idea that the only time that cloud is truly peaceful is when he's with his "family"
| Hanako Tsukiyama chapter 1 . 11/15/2006
lol! How cute! Nice story!
| Naddle chapter 1 . 11/6/2006
I love it!
Cloud: I couldn't stop them!
LOL. Love it more.
| Tripleguess chapter 1 . 8/28/2006
lol... I love the summary. Cute story; such destructive kids!