Reviews for Legend of the Deeps
tomorrow4eva chapter 4 . 1/25/2013
I love your Kup. He knows this dance. And I like Octane's last line there, lol. Great story.
Archaeopteryx Feather chapter 5 . 6/12/2012
Chapter 1

I'm not sure how much of this review/critique will be helpful to you 6 years of writing experience later, but I guess it can't hurt, right? :) Sorry for taking so long to get back to you on this; I read the story and made the mistake of not writing the review right away, which just meant that I ended up procrastinating it. :p

In chapter 1, I appreciated the extra effort you put into detailing the stellar environment; that really raises the bar for fanfic. Also, the description of how dangerous said environment is created a "hook" that intrigued me with the threat of upcoming danger.

And that was a very cool factoid, about a star being younger than them. :) I wish I was a Transformer. Being that old would be awesome.

Missing words: "'Train! Whatever is closing fast!" - Whatever it is is

"A legend," Astrotrain said. "Damn those fool Autobots for not arming this ship! BRACE YOURSELVES!"

Lol, I love his reaction.

The battle scene in chapter 1 could be pumped up if you use shorter, punchier sentences; avoid using the word "as" in favor of showing one action directly after another; and stick in the head of one character at a time. There's bunches more on this subject if you just do a search for "How to write fight scenes."

I think the pyropods are just such great creatures. Very believable and interesting. I'm a Star Trek geek so the idea of giant space animals intrigues me. Actually, now that I think about it they remind me of the Reapers from the game Mass Effect. However, I think the pyropods are definitely cooler, at least on a purely physical aspect.

Chapter 2

The discussion of whether Astrotrain should come with them or stay outside amused me.

Extra word: "So we how do we take it home to Megatron? - So how do we

Chapter 3

He froze; something went "scritcha-scritcha-scritch" across metal.

Heh, usually that sounds means that the technospiders are coming for you.

"Yeah, I-unnh! That joint goes the OTHER SLAGGING WAY, 'TRAIN!-know."

I imagine my TF toys yelling things like that when I try to transform them... :P

Chapter 4

The sky god of Titan laughed... -striking epithets are overused after just one time, I'm afraid, and this is the second time.

The ending sentence made me think, "Oh, lovely."

This whole story had a very classic G1 feel, like it could have been a real episode (albeit more realistic and better written, lol). This was a good short story. If only it had been about the Seekers! ;P Oh well, I enjoyed it anyway.
Rungian Analysis chapter 5 . 1/24/2010
A fic that includes the Triplechangers! And Kup! And it has proper spelling and grammar! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good fic on minor characters and still contain that?

Anyway, marvelous tale mate! Very nicely done, and it certainly kept me interested through out!

~Bandit
Meirelle chapter 5 . 5/31/2008
This thing was freakin' awesome! I loved it! It kind of reminded me of "Alien." But anyhow, it was well thought out, especially all the technobabble. And it has Octane! One of my favorite Decepticons! Great job. It's definitely going on my favorites.
Ultra Rodimus chapter 5 . 2/5/2007
A pyropod heading toward Earth... not good. I don't suppose there's any chance of seeing that surface in a fic sometime?
Trackula chapter 5 . 9/19/2006
Well that was cool. I wonder if you plan to do a follow up or was the ending simply an ominous way to close the story? Ah well, either way it was a fun read. Good job.
Trackula chapter 4 . 9/19/2006
Somehow, I'm not surprised that Kup has heard of the triple-changer's little problem.
Trackula chapter 3 . 9/19/2006
Those three will really have a story to tell Megatron when they get back.
Trackula chapter 2 . 9/19/2006
One thing I've always liked about the transformers universe is that it's full of machines just as animalistic as anything found on earth. Those pyropods are really cool.
Trackula chapter 1 . 9/19/2006
It's nice to see the trips go on a much needed adventure. A well written adventure at that.
Stormwindd chapter 5 . 8/11/2006
Wooahh..

Felt just like one of those olschool sea stories. Liike maybe Stivenson or smth like that... Made me all nostalgic))