Reviews for Ruby And Crimson
Nirvana of Darkness chapter 9 . 12/27/2010
*TWITCH*! NEED... TO FIND OUT... WHAT HAPPENS... NEXT! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! **** IT!
KT 01 chapter 9 . 6/10/2009
Thank you very much for this story. I must say that the quality of your writing is of a very high standard and makes a most enjoyable read. In fact, once I finished the related story “Lost Seraph”, I could not stop reading this storyline until I reached the end of this story. This truly is a magnificent piece of writing indeed.

I liked how you were able expand the Riviera plot such that you have managed to create a completely new plot but you were able to preserve the original personalities of the characters in the story (including side characters like Hector and Malice) such that it truly did feel like you were narrating the story from the Riviera world. In fact, I believe that you were able to explore the inner turmoils and emotional conflicts of the characters through this story which could not be done in the game, adding another dimension to this piece (this applies especially to “Lost Seraph”). I also liked how you were able create the history of Asgard and Riviera, basing it on the information given in the game but adding much more to the gaps in the story that while it is truly an original piece of your creation, it felt like the reader was genuinely flipping through the history behind the game. Furthermore, I liked your portrayal of the original characters (e.g. Yuan) for you are able to explore their emotions to such a deep level that the reader feels that he genuinely belongs to the game. Ymir was also a welcomed addition to the story, emitting an aura of understanding, intelligence, rationality and a sense of compassion for the genuine welfare of the Grim Angels while trying to safeguard Asgard and Riviera. I also liked how you portrayed the Magi such that they were what the reader expected them (wise, knowledgeable if not a little too conservative in their outlook) to be and showing that they and most Asgardians are good in nature.

Although this story is now complete, I cannot help but feel that the storyline/ plotline is not yet finished (especially with Hades’ escape, Loki’s evil plans just being placed into motion, Yuan and Lazuli just starting their journey and Ymir’s impending visit to Riviera.) I am most interested in what would happen next and although I know you may not have touched this story in sometime but I would most appreciate it if you would consider continuing this storyline. I am certain there are many like me who would love to see where you will take the plot next. This storyline is an excellent piece of writing and I hope that I would be able to see its completion. I patiently look forward to your next update and I wish you all the best. Please take care and good luck!
Sydney Grise chapter 8 . 6/16/2008
Hey, I came across to your work and it gave me great ideas. From the looks of things, you've done quite a good job. Although there are grammar issues, you still captured the essence of the characters. I was observing how you gave your rendition of the parts not mentioned in the game and it was a surprise.

Maybe I should credit you for giving me a good wave of ideas. Thanks for the fic.
Freedom Kira chapter 2 . 12/24/2006
LoL, it's been forever since I reviewed this. I really do apologize for the long wait. But anyway, here I am again! XD

As a reply to your reply (from memory here XD), I see you changed it to Fafner in chapter 1. Like Link said, both are pretty good names, though I remember Laevatinn (crap, how to you spell it? That's probably why you changed the name, eh? XD) was more aligned with fire as an element. The game I'm talking about is Tactics Ogre: The Knight of Lodis (GBA). There, Fafnir (not Fafner, but they're pronounced the same so I assume they're the same sword) is a normal weapon, while Laevatinn (urgh XD) is a flame sword. No biggie. And the other thing, if you don't want to change your writing style, that's fine. I won't kill you if you don't change it P

Now, on to R&R of chapter 2 or 1!

Hm, small note: I always wondered how wings on a humanoid's back works with clothes? Is there like a slit or something? 'Cause if it is a slit, how does the entire wing fit through when the angel puts the clothes on? Just something to think about XD

Lorelei, huh? The idea of Lorelei as a real person or at least spiritual entity had appealed to me as I wrote my own story. I'm sure you can remember the chapter where Ledah regains his emotions. I think maybe I'll bring something like this in, though that would mean an extra character for every extra Grim Angel I bring in... and that would be bad... .

I can hardly find any typos in your writing, and that's very impressive indeed. There is one, though, and this one's quite common. "...eventually descent upon the Promised Land itself" should be "...eventually descend upon the Promised Land itself." It's a small thing, of course. Do make sure you know the difference, though. Descend is a verb, and descent is a noun.

"sickend" I dunno if that's a word, 'cause it must have slipped past your spellchecker. I'm sure you mean sickened.

Here's a bigger thing to point out. Make sure you can tell the difference between the flashback and the present. The transition into the flashback with Lorelei was done well, but the transition out of it was more than a little confusing. There are two main reasons: one, you didn't use past participles (had, has, have, etc.). Two, you didn't include a line that indicated time (now, currently, etc.). By the way, how long ago was that incident? It seems like a long time ago, because of the way you worded it, but at the same time it seems to have happened recently, because they can both remember it very, very clearly.

"...a beautiful corpse." That's a nice juxtaposition there XD

"Even if it hearts, Lorelei still holds a special place in your heart." Um, hurts? Again, must have slipped past your spellcheck. I know I sound really anal-retentive XD

"Ledah felt he had little left to loose, while Yuan felt he still had so much to hold on to." Sounds like a character foil to me XD. And by the way, you mean lose P

Anyway, in general, this was a very well-written chapter. I won't chastise you on your spelling errors, 'cause they're so insignificant anyway. I'd say the biggest thing is to watch out for time issues, as in the time in which things are happening. Of course, we all know everything happened before the game's storyline, because of Ledah's appearance, but the flashback is something else.

Again, great chapter. Admittedly, I do find it slightly boring... nothing's really happening so far. Hope to R&R the next chapter sometime soon! This time, not 2 months into the future XD

Kudos,

Freedom Kira
Big Sister Kitty chapter 9 . 12/18/2006
I'd like to elaborate a little on the reviews of Freedom Kira and Link015. There were more than a few typos, and some grammatical errors, plus you misspelled "potential" at least twice, but they remained the same wrong spelling throughout. I don't know if you even bother to check your spelling, but I'm sure you have your reasons.

Anyway, nice story and I find it very well-written. It's got a good flow, but I got bored at around the fifth chapter (the one in the chapter menu, not your entitled chapters). I find it a bit strange though that Malice would be like that. I just can't imagine it, least of all that she could be beaten by Ledah or Ein. I've compared both Malice's and Ledah's stats, and the former's stats were significant enough to wipe the floor with our Solitary Angel.

Now I don't usually like fics with OC's as the main characters, but I'll make an exception here. Yuan just seems to have a particular quality, and I have a feeling that this story's got a lot more than meets the eye. Well, that's my opinion and have a nice day!
Freedom Kira chapter 1 . 10/6/2006
Yay, I finally have time to review! I'll write one review per chap. Oh, and I see you deleted the non-signed review XD. Anyway, on to the chapter!

First off, I wonder if confessed is the right word to use near the beginning, when the Magi are talking to Yuan? I dunno, it just sounds odd to me.

Hm, wings turn black? I thought they were just always black. Maybe it's just me XD

"Laevaetinn, Sword of the Vital Flame" Very interesting name you gave it. I've seen that name in a video game once, actually.

Heh, I like how you capitalized Freedom. It's almost like it's an allusion to me XD

Ok, I've one point to make about the writing. See if you can change your writing so that your characters' thoughts are written differently than spoken dialogue. By this I mean don't put both thoughts and dialogue into quotations in normal text. Italics is the usual for thoughts. I don't like the single quotation mark, because that's a frequent typo... Your choice. I'd recommend the change, because it makes your work much easier to follow.

In general, this intro was quite eye-catching and interesting, though some areas can be spiffed up a little with some proofreading. I don't have much time left, so I'll write at most one more review and then go to bed. Keep up your good work!

Kudos,

Freedom Kira
Link015 chapter 9 . 9/15/2006
Hi again. I finally finished reading. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed reading through all of it, espcially how you showed Ein's and Ledah's lives before the "Game" part of the story took place. I would have liked it if Yuan and the other angels in Asgard actually talked about Ein and the others during their quest in Riviera, but then again, maybe it isn't needed. The story was really well written, with only a few typos or mistakes. The only things that I noticed was that at the beginning, Yuan's Diviner was called Laevaetinn but near the end, you changed the name to Fafner (Both good names).

Second, I was pretty certain that the location of Valhalla was in Riviera, not Asgard. However, it's perfectly feasable that there would be two, since in Norse Mythology, Valhalla would be in the realm of the gods.

Anyway, great work and I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Link015 chapter 3 . 9/15/2006
Hi. I've actually seen your fic a couple of times, but as usual, I was too lazy to check it out. Of course, I'm here now, so I guess it all works out somehow. Anyway, on to the story.

I have to say that so far, I've enjoyed it, although there are some minor typoes and some areas where the words didn't seem to fit into the timeplace and environment. (Mostly Yuan's jackass line. I honestly can't see anybody in that era of time saying jackass, since it's mostly American slang. But hey, it's just one word.) However, everything else was pretty nice and fit in very well.

Um...Let's see...I don't have anything else in mind for this review, mostly because I haven't read the other chapters yet. But I'll get to them soon enough. Anyway, great going and don't quit writing just because there aren't a lot of reviews. After all, the other readers could be just like me. Lazy.