|Reviews for Star Fox: Mercenaries|
| concernedfan chapter 1 . 12/11/2015
When the first word of your fanfic is spelled incorrectly, you aren't trying hard enough. 'Meteors' is the word you're looking for I believe.
| Guest chapter 39 . 6/10/2014
I dont know if this'll reach you, but I hope it does.
First off I want to say that so far, this has been a great read. The amount of thought put into it is enough to make any fan enjoy the story. I'd like you to keep that note in mind for the rest of this review.
You've left the story on a pretty bad cliffhanger. Normally this would make people excited, but it's been a while. You are the most recent, of a group of great writers on this site, to go silent (FoxMC, Foxmerc, etc.). If what I think happened has actually happened, then I'd like to clarify some things.
If you've moved on, and this story is discontinued, then I don't think that any reasonable reader will blame you. This is a site where people tend to practice a hobby. Hobbies can change over time.
I am writing here only to find out if you are finished here. I think that it would make readers feel better if they got a clear message. I would like that too, but it is ultimately up to you. One more thing: If I have given any impression that I am blaming you, I'd like to avoid that. There are enough angry idiots on the Internet with caps-lock on, and I do not want to leave that kind of impression here.
Again, you're a good writer. The stuff you've got here will stay good. And if you've really moved on, as I think you have, then I'd like to add one last thing:
| Lurker chapter 39 . 1/18/2014
I had hoped that this was a complete story when I started reading it, but am not disappointed. Although I hope peppy is ok, probably my favorite starfox member.
| Lurker chapter 23 . 1/16/2014
"Oh no a shuttle is trying to board our mother ship! if only there was somone who could fly a fighter craft and destroy this lightly armed (if at all) craft, or possibly sit in the landing bay with one of the landmaster tanks and nuke it on the way in."
| Lurker chapter 10 . 1/16/2014
So why didn't peppy just fly?
| Baoh joestar chapter 39 . 2/22/2013
A story worth reading. I hope you keep going.
| Emile The Watcher chapter 39 . 10/29/2012
Well, it has been a while since I left a review, and I apologize for that. You see, I have a fanfiction reader on my phone, and I'm hardly ever at my computer these days when I get an alert that this story has updated. The next free moment I have, even if its a break at work is spent downloading the story to my phone and reading it. The app doesn't possess a proper review option so I always tell myself I'll review later and...forget.
But just to say, this story, is just...still amazing, I can't stop reading it, The way you bring about realism to the game and your character depth, just amazing. You have also inspired a few things inside my own story that I'm using to craft what I hope is something that may one day be just as good as yours.
Also, Cerinia: Mind Blown. Krystal?! With the depth you write all of this, if you bring Krystal into this, well shit, I really wouldn't be able to wait for such a revelation. as for Mr. Gallant, I want to take stabs at who he is, but well, I'm pretty sure I'm just jumping on the obvious, and with how you crafted the story so far, I'm fairly sure that its not the obvious. Also Damn Aush that traitor, I was just starting to like the Gamma. at least Rhade is still around, and I find myself baffled to Rhena and her loss of speech. again I can make guesses, but I'm sure most of them our wrong. Keep up the amazing work!
Thanks for keeping me addicted to your story, something only a few other Authors have managed. Kudos!
| RedBay chapter 39 . 7/12/2012
Outside of a few minor things that seem to have been trace other by others quite well, a very impressive and fun chapter. I’m going over a few things I liked, but also have a few comments to add. Yes, I know…of course I do…I always do. It’s just before I get too hyper-critical, I want you to know that it was a really good chapter and worth the wait.
Fox and Keelik was great and maybe my favorite part. I loved Fox’s comment about taking off his shoes. It’s some of the most foresight I think I have ever seen from him thus far. It was even nice to have Miyu facing her past demons and showing how far she‘s come with the StarFox team.
As much as I really liked this chapter, I didn’t like the beginning that much. It just felt a bit choppy and distant. Starting off with neutral portrayal just did something with the emotional state of what was going on (Miyu was committing premeditated murder after all…yeah, I know she tried this once before with Fox, then failed because she didn’t think through and lacked upper body strength). I’m not that sure what to exactly say bothered me, outside of seriously feeling only empty indifference. Of course questions bubbled up right away getting me thinking far too earlier. Thoughts pan out about the same as before. Well, then there’s the lack of law-enforcement. Sorry, my first thought when Miyu yells, “He’s got a gun!” that somewhere along line someone would call 911 to report it, or Keelik’s men might have overheard something. Otherwise, why have stragglers (that apparently didn‘t get the memo that there was two other women that belong with their captors)?
Rhena killing Aush was a fast paced read and liked the explanation behind her actions, but I had no real feeling toward it. This might have been different if I had read the last few chapters altogether. Then it might have been because I really didn’t know Aush, so there was no harsh sting of betrayal. Aush being husky also caused me to have retrace the section a time or two, because I started mixing Aush and Hartford up. I suppose this mainly myself because for some reason I got struck in my head that Aush was a wolf not husky.
Having the distrust with Wolf’s men toward the end was nice touch, so things were not so easily cut and dry.
It also looks like you’re thickening the plot and things are becoming much deeper. As a final thought, I believe this is the first time that Miyu’s last name was used.
Thanks for the reply and did understands what you were trying to do with Katt, but she suddenly gotten so obtuse that it was a wonder why take someone along when she’s just a liability. Also the grounding/super-soldier thing, I find more problems in character’s sudden personality changes and their inability to believability their job.
I’ll sum up with, I look forward to see what happen next.
| Emperor Andross chapter 39 . 7/8/2012
Hmmm, so now we know that even Bauker isn't top of the pile... And a shadowy guy with an aliäs and a calm disposition is holding the reins... Interesting.
Good chapter once again, I don't know whether it was your intention or not, but I'm finding it difficult to trust Thorn, she seems like she should be a good guy, but some times... I don't know...
Oh, and in regards to your comments to cL, I agree that it's good to have realistic bad guys, but don't you just love it sometimes when the bad guys are just so bad that you just love to hate them... Actually, my favourite ones are the ones that are actually funny in their evilness, but I digress. your bad guys all seem to be most reälistic in that they break the mould of beïng backstabbing, self-serving extremists, who only put up with each other until they can betray them. Your bad guys seem, at least to be resigned to the fact that in order to pull the takeöver off, they need to be able to rely on each other to some extent... which of course makes them all the more dangerous.
| chaos Leader chapter 39 . 7/5/2012
Don't feel too bad about the update periods. Sometimes I take just as long, and for (usually) much shorter chapters.
I like a lot of what I'm seeing here. Case in point:
"I don't hear anyone running down the alley. I don't hear any shoes on those stairs."
"That's because I took 'em off."
Probably the best line you've ever written, at least that I remember.
I'll be honest, I don't fully remember this character since he's so far back in the radar. It's good that you finally tied that loose end off, but it could've either been done sooner, or he could've been reintroduced as a slightly more major force than he was, to refresh the readers' memory about him. As it is, its a little bit "hey who's this guy again?"
minor quip though. everything else is working, and the plot is FINALLY getting somewhere.
Carry on :)
| Guest chapter 39 . 7/5/2012
#39. Another amazing chapter! Can't wait till 40
| Guest chapter 39 . 7/5/2012
Wow that was both an awesome and huge chapter. Too bad it looks like Bauker is setting his sights on Cerinia.
Bauker may just be counting his chickens before they hatch, just like Andross.
Not much else to say, keep up the great work.
Luck runs out, skill doesn't.
| hot dog285 chapter 39 . 7/4/2012
life comes first...
really good writing, I have to say that at least... it's good enough to make a game out of...
| Outcastv13 chapter 39 . 7/4/2012
Alright, let me keep it short and sweet: great story so far. This story has been building up a immense amount of suspense from the beginning, up to this very chapter. I'd also like to add that every character has been explained incredibly well to this point, especially Miyu. Color me impressed, you really have done a great job fleshing out her supposed personality, I liked how she succumbed to her built up emotions and eventually "grew" on the team.
But, about this chapter... very well detailed, without any noticeable flaws as usual. I regard this chapter to be one of the most suspenseful, but that is to happen when you include traitors and firefights into the fray. One scene was especially trembling, this was the point where Miyu recalled Keelik in her pent up memories as a past contractor, subsequently turning out to be her end at the moment. Then, Fox responded to Keelik's sentence replying,"That's because I took 'em off. Wow, I say! What a enticing way to seal Richard Keelik's fate, good job friend.
One more thing, I found it very interesting that you included Krystal's home world into the story as a teaser of what the plots going to wrap itself around, I loved how you winked at your readers with this. I also want to say that Bauker is really turning out to be one mean sonuvabitch, his "evil character" development is coming around rather nicely might I add. I would also like to comment on Katt's unawareness and carefree nature originating from the previous chapter. Ha, in the heat of battle, she complains about her lone towel. I found that very amusing. But in her defense, it could have been the beach setting getting to her head, but her fur color says otherwise.
As I mentioned above, your character personalities appear spot on, and the original characters you added do not feel so made up...They actually appear non-original in every aspect, it seems wrong to label them as "made up". Really, this all narrows down to your very descriptive writing: I rarely did find any writers who elaborated on their material; until I found your piece of fiction. I must say, incredible work friend, I'm glad you repeatably find it in your best interests to complete this piece. I'm impressed good man, I will also continue to review this, as well as support you along the way. You never cease to showcase an amazing chapter, after delving into the story, one can simply wonder why you scold yourself for arriving late for the update. First, it is understandable, considering I face a similar fate in the literature world. And secondly, it is worth the wait compared to other pieces of fiction I have perused over...Keep us posted friend.
| Jack Falconer chapter 39 . 7/4/2012
Thanks for the reply in notes to my numerous reviews. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying some of my analyses. Good to see my lessons for analyzing literature gained from high school and college hasn't completely faded out.
Anyway, I had to go back and reread my last couple of reviews to remind myself of what I was talking about before, and related to that, before I started this chapter, I could've sworn we had communicated before but I hadn't seen any messages from you in my inbox. Then seeing your notes at the end after reading this chapter relieved me of my confusion and reminded me of how we previously communicated.
Anyway, again, back to a more chapter-related focus, what a hurricane. Don't think Aquas is going to forget Hurricane Star Fox anytime soon. Plus, this chapter managed to have plenty of fireworks for America's Independence Day today.
My favorite line(s) of witty banter in this chapter was Fox's surprise reply to Keelik:
"And still you struggle. Listen," Keelik finished, tilting the knife to gain a better vector. He held his breath for a moment. "I don't hear anyone running down the alley. I don't hear any shoes on those stairs."
"That's because I took 'em off."
Then my favorite moment of suspense (the post-event suspense when one realizes that a situation could've gone horribly wrong but fortunately didn't) was Fox's realization that if he hadn't had the proper code phrase to clear him and his team for Delta and his lackeys, then that sniper would've picked him off before his luck would've even had a chance to decide if it was going to be bad or good. That was quite the chilling moment.
Speaking of chills, or rather, of details, I found this chapter detailed rather nicely. For me, this chapter clicked with its action and with its details. Enough scenery notes to get a rough idea of where the action's taking place and what details and laws of physics come into place as well as enough character details to convey the high levels of stress, trauma, anxiety, suspense, and bittersweet relief that were being experienced.
So now moving on from what I liked, I'll point out the few minor bits I noticed through to the end.
First: "was suddenly answered [is-as] its metal" So simply swap as for is. I'll be using this formatting with the arrow and brackets for the next word swaps as well.
Second: "pistol at the [read-ready]" I had to look this up to double check the phrase, and from what I can tell, it should be at the ready. So just another typo.
Third: "[For-Far] from lending him any any visual sense of strength," This may just be yet another typo, but in the context, the description isn't being for someone or something, as in belong to someone or something, but is being far from someone or something in a measure of some sort of distance (in this case, a bit of an intangible distance).
Fourth: "As soon as a deal is made with [the your-the or your] Cornerian captain" In this case, I'm leaning towards "is made with your Cornerian captain" but "is made with the Cornerian captain" also works.
And that's all I've noticed for this chapter for minor nitpicks.
Now, though, I do have to take a little back from my compliment of your details I had for your chapter this time. It may just be me, but the opening of this chapter felt like an opening after a fresh break or something like that. The chapter didn't quite start off as if flowing from the previous chapter, and it could've almost passed for the set up of a new story if there weren't so much happening later on in this chapter tied to previous parts. At this point, not sure what I'm suggesting or how to make a suggestion, but perhaps it was partly due to the time between chapters, but it feels as if there's a break between this chapter and the previous one. I think it might've helped a little with the flow to reach a specific character a bit sooner rather than all the scene setting at the start, or even with the scene setting at the start, it might've been better if you would've referred to Katt and Miyu a bit sooner by name instead of almost treating them as new characters about to be introduced. Perhaps you were trying to go with a neutral, flyby-like point-of-view, or a point-of-view from one of the Black Star bounty hunters?
Well, with that out of the way, overall, great job with this chapter. And after double-checking about something in the previous chapter (38), I noticed last time that you said one more chapter to go before the end of the unofficial part two, so I'm guessing then that this chapter (39) is the end of the unofficial part two of your story so now the next chapter will be the beginning to the unofficial third part?
Regardless of endings or beginnings of unofficial parts, what's important in the plot right now is that war that has begun and how Star Fox will bring it to its end. So then, I guess that means it's time to wait for the next chapter. Have fun writing it.
'Til the next chapter,