Reviews for XephonBlack
Also Sprach Mina chapter 3 . 5/11/2009
Really nice story you got going here. Please update soon. :)
Bab-il Ghost chapter 3 . 9/4/2007
Hello class. Today I will be showing you an example of poor writing technique. We've talked before about making compelling characters; now witness what happens when someone fails to do this. In this example, we have a type of character known as the Mary Sue (also known as a Gary Stu). Pay attention, this will all be on the quiz later:

He is good at everything he does to the point where he can not be identified with by the reader. When inserted into someone else's story, he tends to warp the canon characters to his will and overshadows them within a chapter or two at most. This hasn't happened yet in this story but it is no doubt only a matter of time.

He usually has a contrived backstory (or none at all) and no reason is provided for why the original story or characters should require his presence as they managed just fine without him in the source material.

He is usually an idealized version of the author, allowing him to fantasize about being part of another story (in more extreme cases, this can include sexual fantasies about fictional characters). Class, remember that it's alright to have fantasies. It is not alright to inflict them on the rest of the world. Nobody wants to hear about that dream you had last night and nobody wants to hear what you would do if you were the main character in your favorite anime or novel.

The Stu is also known to be highly unoriginal. He often repeats the actions of canon characters, only he does everything better and usually not described nearly as well.

The writers of Stu fiction tend to use poor grammar and spelling, reflecting that the story is an expression of their fantasy rather than a polished piece of work that would interest a wider audience.

Likewise, such authors tend not to realize that when writing about pre-existing stories, readers want to read about the canonical characters and situations as those are what made them interested in the fandom to begin with.

Have you written all that down class? Very good. Here's the quiz.

- Does this story include any plot elements copied directly from the source material?

- Does this story include any characters obviously based on characters from the source material?

- Does this story include any mention of the canonical characters?

- If yes, are they still the center of the story or has the Gary Stu replaced them?

- Would the spelling and grammar of this fic be good enough to pass an eight grade English examination?

- Is the story internally consistent and is it consistent with the world of the original fandom?

- Would a longtime fan of the material this story is based on recognize anything from their fandom in this story?

Bonus creativity test: Describe in a hundred words or less the best way in which this fic could be killed with fire.
Helbaworshipper chapter 3 . 7/27/2007
Well, it's an interesting start. I just have one real suggestion to make it a bit better. You need a bit more description.

As for the rest of the story, it's fine. I'm just not a huge fan of first person.
SUPERGAMER chapter 1 . 8/23/2006
Wow, nice prologue, could have been

a bit longer but that's what you expect

from a prologue. I hope to see the next chapter

soon. Well until next time. See ya.