|Reviews for Randon's Story|
| Elegant-Evie2009 chapter 31 . 11/25/2007
OMG i love it so far! im hooked! seriously! and i cant wait til you ad more! keep up the good work!
| ditsyIrishgirl11 chapter 44 . 10/10/2007
OMG this was the best fan fiction Ive read so far you are an awesome writer
| ditsyIrishgirl11 chapter 3 . 10/2/2007
| Runhard chapter 6 . 3/17/2007
Hey- loved the story. This is the first Star Wars story that looked decent enough to read, and I'm glad I did. Well written, and keep up the good work.
| nuclearXsquid chapter 41 . 2/22/2007
That was an awesome story!
keep writing, its good!
except one thing, though, your dialouge is a bit confusing because you don't separate them into paragraphs.
But I like it, and want to read the rest :)
| Supreme Dakari Lord Cerventes chapter 1 . 1/22/2007
Sith Sith Sith... where will they learn. Too little? Too much? Only time knows, and time is a cruel mistress.
Nice use of The Hague. I like how you worked in scenes of the financial district's destruction. Chilling and effective.
If you don't mind, I'd suggest that you lose the character of Lord Castelburn. Yes, he was cool in the first couple chapters, but he avoids arrest a bit too much to be realistic. Realism is one of your stories' key strengths, and I'd hate to see your fic go awry because of it.
“Good. Your getting a new room. A nicer one to protect those lungs of yours.” He pushed her off the platform where he sat and she stumbled off. She picked herself and the servant showed her to her new room.
Sympathising with those with lung cancer? A risky move, but I'd like to see it pay off, because I too am saddened by the deadly ailment. Nice to see crusaders on this site. I love this country.
Overall, a good first start. Just remember that Sith and crime rings don't always match, even if the parallels to our world do exist.
| JLaurenB chapter 34 . 11/19/2006
alriighty. i finally got around to making another review! yeehaw!
Once again, the story is moving along very nicely. It got me very interested when Jullian and that Duza kid had to fight. And -oh no!- Ty's hand is now... not really a hand. Sigh. How sad. I'm a bit concerned for Krystal though. If I were to put myself in Jullian's shoes, I'd be like "oh my goodness! this lady is a creep!" but then again, that's just me. ...*awkward* I guess he's just been raised weird. I liked seeing Tristar again! yay! big surprise for me! yahoo! Once again, i liked how you can use your dialogue to keep everything running.
(i've already slapped myself for writing this critique..])
I spotted another confusing spot. When Menace is introduced to the story, i just didn't get it. I may be slow at math and stuff, but i just really didn't get this part at all. What? Why is he there? Why did he take Randon? What's he talking to Kure about again? It just never was really clear to me.
*cackles maliciously* and by the way. i knew randon was SO gonna be caught be someone one of these days! muahhaah! it made me grin evily when Ty caught Randon giving Tristar a friendly peck on the cheek. mauuauhahahahaha!
Well, that's all for now! Keep up the good work! sorry it took so long for me to reply... and yeah... ]
| JLaurenB chapter 30 . 10/21/2006
I'm at a loss for words... brilliant! I love it! Agh! Nothing bad in this chapter at all!
STILL on the edge of my chair and worrying so much for...well, everyone,
your name sister! agh! EEK!
| JLaurenB chapter 28 . 10/8/2006
LEAPIN LIZARDS! im so happy that there's more chapters! D
As always, very very very very good. And as always, very very very very suspensful! Grr! Stop making me be such an impatient person! I'm not normally like this! agh! Sigh.
I liked the way Krystal is all like "do you even love kure after all this?" i was very satisfied that SOMEONE finally agreed with me! yay krystal! hoorah!
I also like little dameon! so cute!
And I'm very happy that randon is finally leaving the place she's been living for eight years! about time! goodness i'd have gone insane if i were her! but at the same time im anxious to see what happens! *gulp* will she be taken hostage once again? GASP! the world may never know...
well now. i suppose i'll have to wait for another chapter to continue on, won't i.
Hitting the keyboard with utter frustration from anxiety, (maybe i should see a doctor.. hmm. oh well!)
Name sister! woohoo!
| Renegade Kura chapter 27 . 10/4/2006
Oo! I haven't heard this chapter before! It's imppresively descriptive. *nods, satisfied* Alright. So much better. Hurry up and write the next chapter, you have me on the edge of my seat. Oh, and Dameon is so darling! Even if it seems, at one moment he's literate, the next he's babytalking! Sort of alarming.
| Renegade Kura chapter 1 . 10/2/2006
Hello, all! I am... I couldn't say co-author, since I didn't write this book. Perhaps I am the person who gives Jesyka ideas when she's stuck. (Not all that often, thank goodness.) Anyway. Jesyka, this recent chapter was sad. (Kure probably doesn't think so, but I do.) Now I feel depressed. Remember, description, girl! This one was better than the others description-wise, and emotionally powerful as always, but try to describe the settings! That is your weak spot! (That, and making sense. Oh well. The plot doesn't make sense, hence the story doesn't either.) At least I don't have the agony of wondering what happens next. I feel for your other reviewers.
| JainaZekk621 chapter 26 . 9/29/2006
yay! ITs about time u updated this story! ITs really really good. plz continue!
| JLaurenB chapter 25 . 9/23/2006
Oh My Goodness! (Oh yea, it's Mousey from Tiger, by the way... aka name sister :D) ANYWAyS! Whoa. Wow. Amazing. Eek! AGH! URGH! *cough* enough of that.
to begin with..
I LOVE THIS STORY! It's so amazingly complex and there's so many stinkin twists and turns that you can't stop reading! (well until ur eyes start to hurt or your brother comes in a threatens you or something of the like) Wow!
Randon is so cool! I mean, her determination and her drive put her ahead of the others by far! I mean, every character has their own unique characteristic, but I just admire the way Randon always seems to have an opinion and stick with it. Call me crazy, but I totally love the way she, being the lead character, doesn't trust everyone at first. -The way most stories seem to go... :-( - She's got to be the most amazing character in the story. RANDON AWESOME!
(The only thing I can't stand is all her love affairs... i mean, there's kure, there's ty, there's tristar, there's her keeper... what next? the paperboy? but that's my opinion, and really, it shouldn't make any difference because the story is SO SO SO AMAZING without my opinion)
I HATE DARTH TRILLINIOUSE! HIS! EVIL! YUCKY! ICK! I HATE HATE HATE HIM!
You have such a way of making people angry with your writing. (in a good way) Through the first three or four paragraphs I was thinking that he was going to be the main focus of the writing. As I continued, I desperately wanted to punch his face off and leave him to rot in a trash can... or something less violent due to the fact that I'm really not a violent person... Well anyways.. later on, once he became disgustingly pittifully awful and URRGH *spit spit* I compleltely hated his guts and every time he appears after Randon leaves to Kure, I shuddered and kept reading to soothe my mind and let it know that Randon was smarter than that.
I especially like kure. I liked the way he's so mysterious. Like you can't figure out what in the world he's thinking! Although, I will admit, I liked him earlier in the story rather than towards the end. I mean come on! How could he just put Randon in danger like that in DT's prescence! AGH! Stupid-head. (in a nice way)
Now, for that dreadful critique part...
The whole chapter with Kure and What's Her Face (that lady...who he used to love or whatever) was extremely confusing to me as a reader. I just didn't get it.. i mean, I got the whole "what happened in the past" kind of thing but like when they keep running back and forth and what not and where the lady person was all yelling at randon and trying to get kure back or whatever... confusing.
Also, something that was good but I just didn't like... was the way that Kure handled the whole "DT coming back and telling kure that randon's kid was his kid and blah blah" thing. I mean, the way he just didn't trust her yet did trust her. I don't even know what I'm saying. It just got a tiny bit awkward. well especially with randon liking every boy she set her eyes on.
GASP That was a lot of typing! I LOVE THIS STORY! I love the way it gets me happy, gets me sad, makes me mad, makes me...every possible emotion! YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE! COME ON NOW! US POOR DEPRIVED CHILDREN WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WASTE TIME LOOKING FOR GOOD STORIES ON THE INTERNET ARE WAITING!
Sincerly and with much anticipation,
YOUR NAME SISTER! Wooho!
| Ardina chapter 19 . 9/8/2006
Stupid nastiness is back I see...I'm not particularly impressed with that creature. Terrible to say, but I'll say it all the same..."WHEN IS HE GOING TO MEET A NASTY END?"
| Ardina chapter 18 . 9/8/2006
Yes, I have been "vacant" (so to speak?) for a while when it comes to fanfic. All I can say is SORRY...wow...thats IS something to note here, Ardina said sorry. lol
Brilliant and engaging chpters as usual. Movement of characters in action sequences wasn't too bad either, in fact, you might just be amazing...o0o...compliment there.