|Reviews for Vanishing Point|
| Jack Keller chapter 2 . 8/24/2007
This is really well written.
I think that the Pokemon is a Ryhorn, yes?
| Jack Keller chapter 1 . 8/24/2007
This is really good. Somewhat confusing.
| thats-a-moray chapter 2 . 8/30/2006
Once again, you fail to disappoint me. The only qualm I have is that of all the details you pack into this story (they say God is in the details, or is it the devil is in the detials? Depends on your point of view) the one I felt most strongly should have been, but wasn't, is the detail of his weight. This is a Rhyhorn/Rhydon, right? According to a Rhyhorn weighs 245lb (I actually went there to check the name and noticed the weight, even without looking up the number it stands to reason this is a very heavy poke'mon). With the building's age I imagine the stairs would creak quite a bit from the Rhyhorn's weight and I'd be interesting to see the MC's (main character's) reaction to such a sound.
In addition, I'm having trouble picturing how your MC knows what age is. I suppose it could have been explained to him by other poke'mon in the virtual universe, but insights like 'acid rain' seem very strange for a poke'mon who's been cooped up his whole life to have.
More importantly I'm curious to know why the MC has never seen the physical world before. If he's in a poke'ball, he must have been caught at some point in his life. You mentioned he has memories of being an egg (or maybe it was just the knowelege that every poke'mon begins as an egg, I could be wrong), so maybe he was captured very early in his life? I don't know, I'm just speculating. :)
Keep it up!
| PNEK MEKS chapter 2 . 8/29/2006
Wow, Beautiful, utterly beautiful! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
| Nagashi chapter 2 . 8/27/2006
This really is rather sad ... with every sentence I find myself pitying the rhyhorn (that's what he is, right?) more and more, hoping to see him find someone or something. The fact that I feel so strongly about a character without even having his identity confirmed and no interaction with other characters for characterization speaks to your skill as a writer; this is getting better and better.
| Foxyjosh chapter 2 . 8/26/2006
I think I had an Idea to who the pokemon might be. I think I can narrow it down. Anyway, This story reminds me of an old game called "Inherit the Earth".
| VulpixTrainer chapter 2 . 8/25/2006
Another nice chapter Negrek... The adventure is really exciting, and I can feel the anxiety of maybe seeing a human, and then... the doubt that enters the mind... this is really awsome, The story is just beginning I realize, but still, it has a wonderful feel to it and I look forward to reading more chapters when they come.
| PNEKMEKS chapter 1 . 8/20/2006
Didn't feel like signing in. But anywho... awesome first chapter. I'm thinking that the pokemon is either a...Shelgon... possibly a ryhorn? I'm not sure. But I'm intrigued to see where this is going to go.
| Act chapter 1 . 8/19/2006
Ooh, thrilling. Nice to see you've finally got it done ;
It seems you got a little overzealous trying to fix the 'pokebal' typo, though:
-Red-white, round, small, they said, small but dangerous. Pokébal.
| thats-a-moray chapter 1 . 8/19/2006
This is amazing! I'm surprised no one has reviewed this yet, but I guess most Poke'mon fans are too young to understand your wonderful use of language. I'm a little jelous myself.
I read this mostly for the prose (the words you used) and feelings portrayed in each paragraph. Are you one of those people who remembers their own birth? That's what it seemed like. At least you put a lot of thought into what it's like being inside of a Poke'ball, I never gave it much thought. I always figured it would be just like going to sleep.
My biggest peeve with this story is that I can't figure out what kind of Poke'mon he is (funny, I just realized how much it seemed like this was written in first person). My first thought was a Geodude, but he has legs. A Golem? A Rydon? I even thought about Cubone for a while, but Cubone is a ground type. It would seem silly for you to come out and say what kind of Poke'mon he is, since he's not thinking about it himself (once again, I cite that this story has a way of comming off as first person even though it isn't), but I hate that I'm not able to visualize him properly when everything else comes across so clearly.
I'm favoriting this and putting it on story alert. Eager to see what you do with it.
| Keleri chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
Br! Spooky. I can't wait to follow this one.
-Red-white, round, small, they said, small but dangerous. Pokébal.-
Extra L on pokeball, thar.
| Sevrius chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
It was well-written and unique, though I personally don't like the style.
There were two cases of repetitiveness I saw ("varying" was used two sentences in a row, and "last" was used twice in the final sentence)
| Foxyjosh chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
Very well written. I wonder what kind of pokemon he is.
| VulpixTrainer chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
Wow... this is a great start to an interesting world, I hope to see more soon, it looks really nicely done. I am looking forward to reading about the adventure that is to come about from this last child of a dead world.
| Nagashi chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
Well, isn't this an... amibitious fic. I must say I'm impressed - it is a rare luxury to read something on this site that should in any fair and just world be published. The theme is unique, the protagonist - from what has been seen so far - is compelling, and the writing is superb. I look forward to seeing where this shall be going.