|Reviews for Not so Dead|
| Rangerfan58 chapter 3 . 1/6/2008
OK two things a i like the story so far b i hate doing this but you REALLY need to update this story it's good, do you have writers block, are busy, or have forgotten about this fic?
| inggie chapter 3 . 3/26/2007
this was really fun to read. but from the last update it seems this is a dead story ain't it? good job though :)
| Tirya King chapter 3 . 11/21/2006
You have a lot of dialogue that seems to be a bunch of small talk as though to carry you through the scene. I think more descriptions, inner thoughts, etc. would be very useful. While something like this is obviously designed to be some sort of mystery, we need more clues as to what's going on in these people's heads or else we'll lose interest.
Prowl is still acting more like Mirrorverse Prowl than regular Prowl. You should also probably explain why the 'Cons and 'Bots are working together. The twins could also use some more fleshing out.
Bluestreak is also acting rather OOC. He's the young gunner, like the little brother everyone loves. He gets nervous and when he gets nervous he babbles a lot which people get a bit flustered with, but no one honestly dislikes him. He's optimistic and friendly and wouldn't growl at anyone. In this situation he'd be trying to cheer everyone up. Also, because of his past, it's very very unlikely he'd willingly work with 'Cons. Ever.
Ratchet would NEVER snap at or insult First Aid. EVER. Those aren't the words of someone who's trying to hide his worry. Those are deliberately hurtful words delivered in a deliberately hurtful manner. Perhaps this would be closer to his style:
"Don't yell at him please, just explain what's going on."
Ratchet crossed his arms and grumbled, "getting your nose caught up in other people's business again I see."
Wheeljack shook his head, bemused. "Aw take it easy on him, Ratch."
"I wasn't easy on him before, why should I be now? Kid gets into trouble at every turn without someone there to babysit."
First Aid chuckled softly, his smile evident even with his mask and visor covering his expression. "As I recall, sir, I was the one getting you out of trouble."
"Still cheeky too. Feh, I thought I beat that out of you a long time ago." Though his words were delivered with begrudging annoyance, the others could sense the relief the CMO felt that his former apprentice was alright; that he had managed without Ratchet there.
Eh, not perfect, but I think it's closer to what it needs to be like. There's always a fondness there, never insulting and hurtful.
It seems a bit convenient that the femmes just seem to always have all the answers and cures.
It's good that we'll get more of an explanation on Prowl's behavior, though it would take a lot to convince me that his current behavior is realistic. No matter what, there should still be remnants of a character still there. You can change all you want, but the twist is always that there's something remaining. Not sure how else to explain this, but if you're at all familiar with Mirrorverse, that's what makes the 'Bots so scary. The fact that they're so different from regular 'verse, and yet you can still see traces of what's familiar. You can see Ratchet in that insane drunken corrupted medic. Twist a character, but prove to us that you know the character inside and out first, and prove that any change we see can be justified. Right now I'm not seeing justification, but there's still more to come.
| Tirya King chapter 2 . 11/21/2006
Ack, Prowl is so OOC! You've done this before and should really read others' fics or look in his profile or something to learn who this character is. He does not use slag, swear, use violence against Autobots AT ALL, or let his frustrations out. He is constantly professional and formal in everything he does. He lives off logic and protocal, and takes stress and eats it for breakfast. He will not give into hopelessness. The mech lives for stress and is amazing in the way he can think his way out of a problem and how he copes with stress. With his job, he has to be. Seriously, you have to work on your characterization.
And on the subject of characterization, Ratchet is also off. He is cranky and snarky and all things not fun when he's in a mood. However, he cares for each and every one of the Autobots even if he will never outright admit it. He is sarcastic and cynical, but he always does it in such a way that he will not hurt someone. He does not outright insult anyone to hurt them, and I've only seen him legit yell at someone when they've done something massively stupid to get hurt and make him worry. And even then, they all know he doesn't mean what he says. There's always a fondness there. He's the Autobot resident mother hen.
Um...why do they want to die? O_o;; I can't think of any reason so I'm wondering what your explanation will be.
Thundercracker and Skywarp are now Cyclonus and Scourge respectively. You saw it in the movie. You should go back and watch it again so you can make notes of who exactly ended up where.
And Aid's acting like a mental patient again.
It's nuclear waste. Not waist. The waist is the thing above your hips.
If the serum is that nasty, they would have destroyed it, not put it in some hole in an active volcano. One rumble and that's it for planet Earth. Those three are smarter than that.
"All you need to know right now is..." So she's keeping information from them? I'd think this is kind of important. I also think Ratchet would actually inform them of what's going on. He would know that by not telling them, he's just freaking them out more and that would cause them to look for him and perhaps cause the danger to come regardless.
| Tirya King chapter 1 . 11/21/2006
Ok, I'm gonna review this one chapter at a time.
You should look up all the names of the characters you're not sure of. In case you don't know, it's Ironhide, Windcharger, Bluestreak, Hot Rod, Chromia, Sky Lynx, Quintessons, etc. Mispelling canon names is just not good at all.
Bluestreak is not an official death. Huffer was referred to be dead in a later S3 episode, but it is not said he was killed during that battle. Of the speculated, only Red Alert and Mirage are the official 'maybes' since they did have death scenes, but the scenes were cut due to violence, time, and money.
I recommend a beta for grammar/spelling mistakes. There are quite a few and it's distracting.
For 'Jack and Ratch to do this (knocking Aid out and repairing the others) when they're supposedly dead without telling anyone seems very OOC, but I'll reserve judgement till I see what is planned for later.
Perceptor is OOC here. He would not say something like "what are you babbling about? Must I examine your head?"
First Aid is acting like a chicken with his head cut off here. He's running around yelling and generally acting nuts. One of his leading qualities is that while he is young and must be extremely distressed right after the events of 2005, he is professional and he knows what needs to be done. He is a constant source of professionalism and calmness in the face of a problem. Yes, believing he saw his dead mentor would startle and unnerve him, but he would not openly freak out. It's just not him. He values his self control and as a medic he is used to keeping calm in the worst of situations. Especially after a few years of getting over Ratchet's death.
It's "up and at 'em" not "up and adam." It's "Dammit" not "dimmit"
You need to specify when this takes place. I figured it out towards the end of the chapter, but it's not very clear.
Hot Rod has always been a source of youthful optimism. While his time spent as Rodimus did force him to grow up, I doubt he would just assume the femmes were dead right away. Also, if Elita felt Optimus die, wouldn't she also have felt him come back?
| PuraJazzBot chapter 1 . 11/21/2006
First point: get a spell-checker, and kindly do some research on how to spell certain character names as well. It's Sky LYNX, CHROMIA and QUINTESSON... furthermore, Hot Rod is spelt in two words, like so..
If you're going to curse, at least get the curse right... "Dimmit" is not a curse, DAMMIT or DAMNIT are.
Secondly, character death-wise... have we even been watching the same Movie? Nowhere was it EVER said that Bluestreak was an official death. As for your speculated deaths, where on Earth are you getting the information from? The only speculated deaths officially listed were Red Alert and Mirage. Sunstreaker and Hound, to name one example, were alive and well on Prime's shuttle, so just because you dont see them again in Seasons 3 and 4 does not necessarily mean they're dead.
Thirdly... please work on your characterization.
Ratchet would never EVER start blaming other people for things that go wrong, and he most certainly WOULD NOT start hurling threats and insults at First Aid... EVER. He would NEVER tell someone, especially Aid, that his skills are horrible, or that his creators did a bad job when they created him. That is NOT who Ratchet is.
Prowl is so out-of-character its not even funny.. Prowl NEVER swears. He most certainly WOULD NOT swear using Earthen curses. He would also NEVER PHYSICALLY ABUSE ANOTHER AUTOBOT, I dont CARE how angry he gets. Prowl is as offical and gentlemanly as they come. The same rule applies to Perceptor. Perceptor would NEVER use the word "babbling".
Kindly think to do some research on characterization because you cant just go out and write canon characters any old way you want them. I dont care what you do with fan-created characters, they're your own to play with after all, but kindly do not butcher canon characters that we all know and love.
| Inkfamy chapter 3 . 9/8/2006
RE: Aw! Poor Prowlie-bot!
RE: *nods* Uh huh. Prowlie-bot.
RE: Nice chappie. I'm confused, but...
DD: You're always confused, RE.
RE: Yup. Please update soon!
| Thatredcar chapter 3 . 9/4/2006
ooh.. what happened.. 0.0 what have happened Prowl?
and good chapter too.. give us more of them .
| Master Solo chapter 2 . 8/25/2006
Yay for Skywarp and Thundercracker.
| Inkfamy chapter 2 . 8/25/2006
RE: (O.o) I'm hooked. And yes, typical Rathet; I'm dead, so I think I'll shout at First Aid. Yup. Sounds like him. Please update soon, this fic Rocks.
| Thatredcar chapter 2 . 8/24/2006
0.0 you got my attention.. pleas continue 0.0
| Thatredcar chapter 1 . 8/21/2006
ah.. good one.. i was a bit shock when i did watch first time TFTM and soo almoust all my fav characters to go down *sniffle* and what did happend all the other ones.. and where is Bluestreak, sideswipe and Sunstreaker.. o.0? *goes to look is the Sideburns in they own shelve.. or are they annoying Alternatos again*
| Master Solo chapter 1 . 8/19/2006
What of the Decepticons who died? I like the story so far and hope that Skywarp and Thundercracker get to come back as well.
| Storm Blue Lightning Saix chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
darn it a cliff hanger...anyway there was a few errors but it was a good chappie.
| Windturf chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
You forgot one speculated was a cut scene of Megatron killing soon.