|Reviews for Rainy Games|
| Lampessa chapter 1 . 11/6/2007
I'm having a hard time trying to figure what's going on in this story. Sorry. Four chapters and I still can't navigate my way around what's happening, what's a dream, and how much Harry actually did or did not say about what he feels about Hermione. I don't know why they would be so worried about what Ron or anybody else thinks or why Harry sharing his feelings about Hermione with others would be a betrayal of Hermione. If a guy I liked told others he was into me I would find it comforting. Er I can't really figure out what Hermione actually does feel for Harry anyway, so maybe my previously stated concerns and confusion is moot.
I tried, but I can't get the hang of this story.
| LadyJanePendragon chapter 5 . 6/12/2007
i really liked it...u must :D
| Cuban Sombrero Gal chapter 1 . 5/10/2007
H/Hr has to be good for me to believe in it. But that made me, so well done
| romanticidiot chapter 5 . 11/27/2006
Yeah, I'm just as lazy as you lol, can't be bothered to log in either.
So, okay, the thing with this story is that it has a really great idea at its base. It's a really good plot, I reckon. The thing is, in my humble opinion, that you're trying to rush it. This happened, somebody said this, somebody responded like this, then this happened. Try slowing down the story and the plot.
And your last chapter, where they're wandering the castle, that is a terrific scene (It's given me an idea, do you mind?), but it needs explaining. It needs some riveting description of the way the thunder cracks through the sky, and how suddenly the castle is illuminated by a single sheet of lightning. Obviously better than that, but as a reader, to feel what you're trying to communicate to us, we have to *feel* what the characters are feeling, *see* what they're seeing.
Try not to make your characters make excuses for why something is illogical. Perhaps the storm is interfering with the magical circuit of the castle; this makes more sense than "The candles should not have been out, but they were". If you want an idea of what I'm talking about, google "Turkey City Lexicon", this is a list of the most commonly made mistakes in sci fi writing, and the above description is one of them. (It's also quite hilarious and embarassing when you find your own mistakes numbered within them. Guilty as charged!)
Also, the dream sequences are confusing. I think most of my criticisms can be overcome by slowing the story down. Remember, nobody is going to stop reading because you're taking a while to get to the point. They like the story, they want to know what's happening. For e.g, I have a 37 chapter original fiction story, and people are still begging for updates. I don't mean to blow my own horn, but just for an example of how loyal readers are. Particularly in fanfiction.
So in a nutshell, slow things down and give us time to get to know the characters. You probably have quite a clear idea what they look, sound and act like; share it with us. Think very carefully about your dialogue and make sure it is communicating everything you want it to say.
And now I shall stop sounding pompous and go back to cooking my tea.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
| person chapter 5 . 9/30/2006
is the story over?
halloween is cool. it should be here now
| person chapter 4 . 9/30/2006
great story so far
locked out! sucks! poor mione
| person chapter 3 . 9/30/2006
sorry about hermys dreams. tell her to listen to harry. i never is fun
| person chapter 2 . 9/30/2006
hi, same person
good story. does hermione not love him? update soon
| person chapter 1 . 9/30/2006
wow, good story. review soon
| tamjamz chapter 5 . 9/27/2006
Wonderful little Halloween story... It isn't really here yet, but who cares? I certainly don't... Excited to hear about the party, (not in the story!) I hope you'll be going. And the song, Gina, this time, YouTube, hm? I thought so. However, I haven't the slightest idea of what the artist is... It doesn't say in the credits. Some of the people who review you have very weird names, I most say. Anyway, the Halloween thing is really great. But... Ron as a cupid? In his last year of Hogwarts, he is going to a be a giant, pick, frilly, hearty, cupid? OH, OOC... Anyway, good chapter. I must stop using the word 'anyway'. Update soon or I'll have you eyes out with a spork. (just kidding, little sis)
| tamjamz chapter 4 . 9/27/2006
What is it with Harry and obliviating? And is every chapter ending in some sort of reminder of I Never? Well, it's nice to bring it in, since this isn't a 'shot' anything anymore (that's so cute in your summary). I can't believe you don't have like, 40 reviews. You deserve so. You gave away the answer, but nevertheless, is the answer for the next songs.
My Best Friend from Weezer (good one!)
and Come What May from Moulin Rouge (oh, such a nice song... must listen to soundtrack.) nice idea with getting locked out.
| tamjamz chapter 3 . 9/27/2006
I see why you needed that song now. That dream was very odd - but so cool, too. I can't believe you wrote all this... It's very well written, I applaud you. Anyway, poor Hermione... No worries, though, how is this story ending?
I know the song, I know, I know!
Talking in your sleep, by the Romantics. I gave you the song, and since no else wrote in the answer (because no one ever reads the authors note, I know, arrghh!) I will say it. I don't have a suggestion. No need to take it...
| tamjamz chapter 2 . 9/27/2006
Oh, that idea is SO unoriginal, but brilliant. I've never read anything like this before - but you write extremely well for your age and I'm not afraid of taking risks in fanfaction. At least this is still a normal pairing... (Pumpkin Pie RULES! :)) Update soon, and so will I. Unlike your other stories, like Controllable Love or a Visit to Love (which are ALL really odd names...), I have no reason to write: 'this is all so hard to believe...' or 'honestly, this is STUPID!' or 'bumps, Gina, bumps!'
| tamjamz chapter 1 . 9/27/2006
Okay, that was really cute. Fluffy. Interesting. I can't believe you only have one flame. Naturally, Gina, though, I understand that it is anoyonous, no need to worry. I know you never worried. You've been here for a few years now! Err - anyway - onto subject - it's a cute story, but can't you write anything else besides H/Hr? Good story, though, continue soon!
| Noc007 chapter 5 . 9/21/2006
Interesting story, I liked it!
If you have the time, check out my own HP fic "An Arranged Marriage" )