|Reviews for Lament for a Forgotten Hero|
| Surreptitious Chi X chapter 1 . 11/7/2006
This poem is very emotional, but it is hampered by the form you chose to express it in. No doubt you enjoy the older styles of poetry. The problem is that the poetry sounded like that in older times to some extent because it grew from the language people currently used. You could never write this style of poetry convincingly. It's not even a question of fault, or incompetance. It's just not possible for anyone alive today to have the diction and instinctive turn of phrase that people long ago had in wielding the archaic language you chose to write in.
What would speak more sincerely to a reader is a good usage of the modern language around us in our culture now. Using fresh imagery instead of imagery left over from a bygone age. Using more loose, less formal structure, which can actually strangle creativity and singular beauty of a poem.
| Semdai Bloodquill chapter 1 . 9/27/2006
I enjoy your style despite the nonexistent rhymes.
I write a lot of poetry myself and I don't always rhyme.
For critism, nobody I talk to seems to realize this, but Drizzt (or at least I assume he's narrating) never finds out what happens to Kellindil. Roddy and Tephanis murder him, bury him, and nobody hears anything about him after that. I think it's cheap. Why didn't Drizzt ever go back and try to find Kellindil? He's famous for crying out loud, people won't be afraid of him anymore. Arg.
I'm sorry. I'm ranting.
Back to your poem, I'm not sure who the narrator is supposed to be. As I said above, it could be Drizzt. It could also be the unspoken voice of the people who read Sojourn, got to like Kellindil and then are totally shot down when he dies. I don't know if you intended that or not, but that's how I interpreted it.
Either way, I like it!
| Ashen Triskel chapter 1 . 9/11/2006
I shared the same hopes for Drizzt and Kellindil becoming friends, especially at a time when he was so desperate for a surface elf to see him as he was.
The emotion behind the poem is vibrantly clear, but I would advise you to pick either the "thou" or "you" form of address. A tip: thou is the informal form, while you is the formal. I don't know how much that will play on your decision, but it would help dictate the tone.
Also, I think the "If only, if only", and the "Kellindel, oh Kellindel" phrases are repeated too often. If you could find a phrase with the same power but without the same _, oh _, format I think that would enhance your poem greatly.
And a comment towards the line "If only I could/avenge thee my dear Kellindel": I agree completely. Drizzt should have killed Roddy, dammit. .