|Reviews for Open My Heart And Find Only You|
| Felons Dictation chapter 1 . 8/27/2006
All right, listen. I couldn't even read all of this because it hurt my eyes, not to mention my head.
I did read the first ten sentences or so, so I can give you a review because after scrolling all the way down, I can tell it's the same.
You have no paragraphs. You may think you do, but you honestly don't. Structure in this is blantantly bad. I mean really bad.
It's confusing, also. I wasn't too sure who was speaking when... and it was very frustrating to have to read one line five times to get it.
The only thing I saw remotely correct was your spelling. Maybe, and this is stretching it, your grammar. Try working harder on that.
I know transferring your documents to is hard and sometimes frustrating if it doesn't come out right. But that's why there's an 'edit' button. Make sure to use it to check over your writing. And when you don't, you end up with reviews similar to this. And trust me, you're going to get praise from the people that can't write, because they think this is 'awesome', 'original', or everything else. It's not.
Between all of your dialogue, and this was just skimming mind you, I saw no detail other than the obvious. It was lame, and again, irritating. You need detail to pull a story together. When you read a book, it isn't all dialogue, is it? And yours isn't even well written dialogue. It just doesn't seem real to me.
Work on your story. If you work on the things I've told you, you'll be able to improve. I recomend you prove because right now, you kind of suck. Badly.