Reviews for Strange New Titan
Concolor44 chapter 6 . 8/23/2010
Aaaaaand, sadly ... I was right. You didn't finish the story. Curses. And More Curses.

This story is great, your writing style is VERY easy on the eyes, and I've gotten attached to your characters. Kudos and stuff. But I see you haven't updated in three years, seven months, and twenty days, so any hope of getting another chapter will, I fear, be thin indeed. That's a damned shame.

At least you didn't leave us with a cliffhanger (much) and for that I am grateful.

Here's hoping your Muse wakes up, looks around, says the Greek Drama equivalent of "Where the hell have I been?", and nudges you for another chapter.
Concolor44 chapter 3 . 8/23/2010
Indeed you are persistent. And resourceful. Ergo, I will review.

I like this story. A LOT. Confoundedly good characterizations, fight scenes choreographed as if by the ones involved, and DELIGHTFUL dialogue. ("On the other hand I have different fingerprints." Nice.) From your little Author's Note at the end I will assume that you don't have a firmed-up ending planned, which is a darned shame because that means that you may not finish the tale. That would be a crime.

So. Input. Specifically, pairings. Well, obviously Jinx will end up with Keith. (Hm. I say 'obviously', but I can think of a few - make that MORE than a few - possible scenarios where they wouldn't. Vexing.) I think Robin and Starfire should be together, but that's sort of canon anyway. For Starfire's sake, in any case, Robin needs to GET OVER HIMSELF! I'd try to come up with some other pairings, but you've done such a masterful job of focusing my attention on the main character and his problems and hopes and trials and such that I'm having a hard time thinking about the others.

I'm subscribing. On to the next chapter!
BlackRoseFire chapter 6 . 3/9/2008
That was rather nice Please continue to write this great fan fiction.
avatar24682468 chapter 2 . 5/4/2007
another great chapter! keep up the good work!
avatar24682468 chapter 1 . 5/4/2007
great story well written and thought out keep up the good work!
Jess Readin chapter 1 . 1/21/2007
This Keith guy looks really familiar. Another good read, though, so I'll let it slide.
Kamen Rider Chrome chapter 6 . 1/4/2007
Nice chao, pretty good. Gave me an inspiration on something I want to do in a future chap. CYA.
Zergplex chapter 5 . 1/1/2007
Very intriguing story. Ghost is a very likable original character, he may be a dick at times but everyone can think of a friend they know like him. The Mumbo fight was well done, I like that you aren't letting his powers dominate the other Titans (which would be quite easy to do). Kinda reminds me of my dilemma with Kid Flash, great character with great potential but powers that are hard to write without overshadowing the other characters.

The Jenny/Keith relationship was also done quite well, you are keeping Jinx in character which is something a lot of people don't do in a story like this. Their relationship seems quite honest and real, not forced at all. The addition of Selinda in the rescue was great, Shimmer has always been an interesting character to me.

I look forward to seeing where you take this story now. Good luck and great writing!

Kamen Rider Chrome chapter 5 . 12/11/2006
I like this! Really good! Drama and action all rolled into one. BTW, What's wrong with Ghost? BTW, how was Jinx's reaction? Ghost is her boyfriend, right? Well, pls update soon, kay? Sorry about not knowing this was up. I'll add it to my alert list, kay?
Lord Belgarion chapter 1 . 10/26/2006
This chapter was a mixed bag for me. A little bit bad and more good. But I'm wyrd and picky.

I didn't like the fact that the Titans took a back seat, but I do like the fact you're focusing on Beast Boy to 'represent' them.

There is a fine line to walk with OCs. For me, the way you introduced him wasn't the best way to do it.

Titans: Hey, look! This guy took out a villain a lot faster than we would have, all by himself! And he's funny and cool!

It's personal taste, but I always like my OCs with a bit of humility. Ability-wise, at least, he/she should be beneath the Titans.

The rest of the chapter seemed a bit like filler, though I suppose it was a sound way of intoducing us more fully to Keith.

I like the way he talks to himself. It's interesting and could be a possibly plot point.

Also, I always like it when Beast Boy goes to the diner from 'Betrayal'. Good stuff.

Your OC isn't quite my cup of tea, but the story is well-written and easy to understand. It's very accessible.

Keep up the good work.


CidGregor chapter 1 . 10/25/2006
Edit: Curse this site's auto-formatting...those numbers should read twenty-two-thousand. Apologies.
CidGregor chapter 3 . 10/25/2006
Ask and ye shall receive...or something.

Well. Another OC fic.

*deep breath*

Okay. Your OC is better than a good handful that I've seen. He isn't ridiculously overpowered and he doesn't have some dark-themed powers/attitude. That's a good start. However he suffers from a small handful of really glaring Gary-Stu-isms that might be better-left on the cutting room floor.

The first is the way he extends his invisibility to his bike. Yeah, I can't even begin to describe how utterly stupid an invisible car/bike is. Strategic use of it is one thing. Using it on a daily basis driving through crowded streets is entirely another. It is not 'cool,' it is not 'badass,' it is a plea to hit or get hit by every single other car on the road. He stops at a red light, any oncoming car won't see him stopped there and run right into him. Perhaps he's driving by at high speed on an empty road and someone pulls out from a side road because they don't see anyone coming and your guy head-on collides with him. If you have ANY sense, routine inviso-bike rides NEED to STOP, because it makes your character look like a complete idiot when he does that.

Another problem he suffers from is his mouth. Now this is just a personal preference, and I realize you're adressing it as part of his assimilation into the Titans, but even then, his mouth is really, really over-excessive. Swears once in a while or at key moments is what gives them their power. Using them a dozen times in the first chapter robs the words of that power and makes your character sound utterly without class, and that severely conflicts with everything else you've established about him so far.

His last major problem is the way he has already started to make a habit of showing up the other Titans. I don't care if it's Beast Boy, I don't care if you think it's okay for your OC to win because you thnk BB's the weakest. It's NOT okay for an OC to show up the Titans right off the bat. This goes for beating Cyborg in video games too. It's more subtle, but it's still a showing-up. Cy is well-established as the gaming god of the group. It is part of his character. To have the newbie show him up, especially so effortlessly, takes that part of his character away from him, and that's just not cool. (plus I don't believe him when he said he's had a lot of time to practice; when one is on a travelling tour, they work constantly, there is little if any time to screw around with video games, and certainly not enough to make him better than Cyborg.)

That's about all I have to criticize about Ghost, he seems fine otherwise. The next general criticism I have is that your dialogue for the Titans seems a bit off. They all are talking a little too formally. Kind of like you, the writer, is talking for them rather than the characters themselves talking. It's escpecially noticable when Beast Boy doesn't use hardly any slang/abbreviations, Raven's lines end with an exclaimation point in casual conversation, and Cyborg is overly and uncharacteristically apologetic to both Ghost and Jinx (the latter of which I doubt he'd feel that guilty about anyway, as a good guy bringing down villains, nor did I think Jinx would be quite so "zomg FAMILY" about it, since the criminal life REEKS of backstabbing and betrayal and she should be used to that).

The last thing I'd suggest to you is to stop beating around the bush and get to the main plot of the story, because you're 22,0 words in and except for Ghost getting kicked off the tour and joining the titans, well...NOTHING'S HAPPENING. By the time my current fic reached 22,0 words, the Titans were fighting off US Navy F-18s in a desperate attempt to stop them from sparking an interplanetary war with Tamaran. So, uh...yeah...let's get the actual story rolling, huh? And please, please tell me it's NOT completely centered around Ghost, because that's like in the top three WORST mistakes a writer of an OC fic can make. It's a Teen Titans fic, not a "Let's tell a story about this guy I made up and throw the Titans in for fun" fic. That REEKS of Gary-Stu-ism.

Now, all of that is not to say I don't like the story. All that you see up there is constructive criticism, and I hope you take it as such, because having said all that, you have a pretty decent fic here so far. I think you have the ability to make it a good, solid story. You have a fairly likeable and unique OC who doesn't fall into most of the big Gary-Stu traps, and having him woo Jinx is strangely cute (and a relief, actually, I would've had a lot more to rant about if he started to get with Raven), and you have a good control of the language. A little refining, man, and this can be a sweet fic.

If you have the desire to reply, feel free to do so, my inbox is always open. Sorry in advance if you took offense to any of this.

All the Best,

Kamen Rider Chrome chapter 3 . 10/6/2006
Gr8! Getting betta and betta. Like to see more Ghost/Jinx! Baran must be a little resentful.
Rider Paladin chapter 2 . 9/26/2006
This is pretty good for your first story. (Uh, this is your first story, right?) Even though your original character is the main character of this story, you make time for the canon characters. I'm looking forward to seeing how Jinx/Jenny deals with Keith/Ghost being a Titan and what that means for their relationship.
The Jason Cooper chapter 2 . 9/25/2006
I like the story, and the nice long chapters...
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