|Reviews for Cursum Perficio|
| Tikaya chapter 9 . 12/10/2017
Okay so I know this is super old and you might not care any longer, but I just got to review.
You have this really interesting idea with great build up and twists and I'm sure there's more awesome stuff to come, but... Reading this is still, after 9 chapters, so incredibly tedious.
Here's me trying to explain why.
First up, the dream sequences are too long. I get that they are important for foreshadowing and send by the main villain, but overall they feel more like a crutch. I found myself skipping most of the text and to this point don't feel like I missed anything essential. Cutting down their length until each one is maybe a third of their current length would do wonders. I know it's painful to let go of something, especially if it has so much foreshadowing, but since Raz himself can't even remember them, this is just for the reader and there has to be a more elegant way to get that information across.
Secondly, there is some repetitive dialogue that makes some characters seem really ooc. It happened before this chapter too, but here it's especially frustrating. It feels like you sacrificed readability to amp up the angst and that isn't good. I'm talking about the reaction of Raz, Milla and Sasha after that whole Vritra business got revealed. Nothing can be said once, that can't be said twice or trice or a dozen more times ... From the beginning, I had the feeling that you started too soon with angsty dialogue and imagery. I kept thinking "Woah, at least ease us in slowly". A lot of impact was lost on me that way.
Thirdly, in this chapter, it feels like no one says the most sensible or obvious thing. When I read the confrontation with Nereus, I never really thought that Raz would even consider going with him. Milla and Sasha shouldn't think that either, or at least I kept feeling like they shouldn't point out that the crazy man is lying, but that the crazy man has CHILDREN AS HOSTAGES AND PLANS TO USE THEM AS HIS SOLDIERS! That should really be the final argument in convincing Raz not to go with him and that even if what he says is true, he is not out to do good. It should have been the first thing they should have told him. I mean, "you're using children as mind controlled soldiers, your argument is invalid", right?
It isn't the plot that's the problem, it's the execution. There are a dozen little, immersion-breaking things but virtually all of them could be fixed via rewording not massive changes.
I want to like the story because it's obvious how much time and effort you spend on it and I like the idea and where it's going, but all of the above is making it very difficult for me.
On top of that, Raz is pretty out of character too. It has to do with Vritra, alright, I think. But it's still odd to read about him unravel and fall apart so soon. Never struck me as the quick to panic kinda guy.
Saa I quite liked the impromptu singing Raz and Lili got up to.
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/9/2017
I like this!
| Someone chapter 22 . 10/19/2016
I'd like to start off this review with my personal opinion of you - fuck you. I cried over Spinoza dying. He didn't deserve it. How dare you?
Anyways, this fanfiction aged like fine wine. It's 2016, and I immensely enjoyed this. You actually inspired a few others with this! (AngelAbsols True Nature Of A Royal) And it gave me back my motivation to write. I don't think the angst was too much, though the torture was a bit much, it was fitting. The "anime tropes" were handled well, my initial confusion on why Raz would need a sword was brushed away by Raz asking that himself. My only question was what Vritra and Indra exactly are, which means I just need to reread the fan fiction.
The characters are written wonderfully in character, and I'm just gushing about it by now. Good job, writer!
| Lilac Gemini chapter 14 . 9/28/2016
See, now I'm really glad Nereus got hit in the face.
| Lilac Gemini chapter 11 . 9/27/2016
Also I'm doing this because holy /shit/ this thing is /phenomenal/
| Lilac Gemini chapter 10 . 9/27/2016
This time you said, "Everytime soomeone reviews Nereus gets hit in the face and Raz gets spared a little less torture". I'm doing this because someone really, really needs to hit Nereus in the face. I wonder if he realizes that, to get rid of all of the people who fit his "not-good-enough" criteria (cough cough everyone who isn't perfect), he'll have to kill everyone on the planet...
| Guest chapter 2 . 9/10/2016
This a very interesting story so far, good job!
(I saved a puppy!)
| Gorse chapter 22 . 7/29/2015
It's been years since you updated/finished off this story, but I want you to know that, despite your rant at the end, it was exactly what I needed. Your writing style is really enjoyable, descriptive enough to be vivid but not heavy on purple prose and overwrought sentences. I know you finished this up in 2011, and hopefully you're still active enough on the site to see this, because it's important that people know when they're doing good things.
Fanfiction with dorky references, fanfiction with heavy influences from all the media and stories we consume being completely unashamed of that fact. It's what I grew up on and really took me back to my younger years. The enthusiasm and love you showed for this story over all the years you've plucked away at it is obvious, even though you didn't get to completely finish it. Psychonauts is just one of those games with enough background and enough charm that it seems to get everybody's creative side going, as if it was made to actively encourage fanfiction.
And maybe it was, because it's the closest thing we'll ever get to another game.
So, thank you so much for this story, it made a cold, stormy afternoon that much warmer.
| Coraline15 chapter 1 . 4/17/2015
That dream somehow made me think of Silent Hill :O
| Avoxia chapter 2 . 3/26/2014
Noooo! NOT THE PUPPIES! D:
| Avoxia chapter 1 . 3/26/2014
Amazing so far! I have just begun reading and I'm already hooked! cant wait to see what adventure this story takes me on. :D
| OfTheIronwilled chapter 9 . 1/24/2014
This chapter is actually incredibly interesting to me. One of the many things that made this chapter for me is that, we, as readers, are still no more enlightened as we were before, when you really think about it. There's a very strong chance that everything that the villain is saying is in fact a lie, where there is still an incredibly strong chance that the exact opposite is true - and there is one detail that makes me lean to the former. For all I know it might not mean anything - a detail that is unimportant and was never meant to be anything or one that will play the largest of roles in the story to come - and that is Lilli, and one of the possible reasons she is gagged here. Nereus has said that Raz's memories of the Ferrowbrooks was a complete fake, and an act of repression... but in Raz's 'fake' memory, LILLI WAS THERE. If everything Nereus is saying really is the truth, she would know it.
Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing things. :P I tend to do that a lot. Either way, still a good chapter. Looking forward to reading the rest of this.
| Sasami14 chapter 22 . 5/21/2013
ok. after much begging and pleading on your part, i've finally decided to review. i was planning on reviewing at the end anyways. i like reading stories, i love finishing stories, but being inspired by stories after 'The End.' goes beyond love for the art and craft of story telling. i have many inspirations thanks to fellow inspired authors like you. Thank You.
| Black Zed chapter 22 . 4/23/2013
goddammit. I liked this story. But hey, I know how it goes. at least you gave a plot summary, something not nearly enough writers who break off stories do.
I would suggest adding a 'dropped' tag or something to the description
| RisuQ chapter 17 . 9/25/2012
Wonderfully done. I can resist not reviewing no longer. I'll let you know I've just spent the last 4 hours reading the first 17 chapters. And I have two tests coming up. And an inkling to play Psychonauts once more.
Anyway, The series has been an awesome roller coaster ride of emotions and stuff for me to read. I can't wait to read the last chapters :3