|Reviews for Jellice Fantasy|
| demeterfan5556 chapter 2 . 9/7/2009
great story i cant wait for more. it remins me of kindom hearts because in the video game a bad guy needs power and to get it he needs 7 prinsess but in this one mcavity needs demeter
ops.. i think demeter is going to refuse macavity and he will probly have to rape her so he can get the magic.
| fantasymonk chapter 2 . 5/20/2008
Wow, I'm really late getting to this fic... and it's so interesting! Please finish some more. Faint hope I know, but slim is better than none.
| Kati chapter 2 . 1/28/2007
Please finish this story. It's really good.
| ness345 chapter 2 . 11/26/2006
Ahh, cool story. Please do more soon with some Tugger and Bomba romance included.
| Bomba-Fae chapter 2 . 9/29/2006
O sorry I haven't reviewed this chapter! OMG the ending was so freaky and awsome... I don't know but there's something about fanasty that has a one word ending like that that I love in stories. Memory... AH update son!
| Serendipity Kat chapter 1 . 9/20/2006
It's interesting. But it seems very similar to the plot of The movie, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. If it is a parody, then say that. Or... make some kind of statement like: "The plot is lossly based off the movie, The Hunchback of Notre Dame." something like that. I think that you need a bit more sensory developement, however. I'm not getting a feel of the setting. And if you want your reader to really understand the story, you need to develope ALL the sensory details. Contact me if you want more info, please. But otherwise, very interesting.
| Maudey chapter 2 . 9/11/2006
Um..sorry, pirate shipsGenghis, and I LOVE Genghis. Anywho, Coricopat, T. That's the spelling, for once you didn't portray them as freaky magical demons, they have emotion! Great job, I commend you. Good job with the quotes, a few times you forgot to start a new paragraph, mainly the first paragraph it happened, but it wasn't at all distracting. Loved the little part about Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer.
Macavity's minions do not fear death ~ something tells me they fear it more on Macavity's side than on the enemies where it would be swift and painless. Great job!
| Miss Tinkerbell chapter 1 . 9/11/2006
OO I like...
Listen to Aeveny's advice, she is good at this stuff!
| Marinus-pseudothyrum chapter 1 . 9/10/2006
oh wow, please update!
The characters are well written, and it gives a good sense of atosphere.
its just the layout that needs work ;)
| Hyper Strudel chapter 1 . 9/8/2006
You're doing very well. All I can suggest is to make smaller paragraphs and whenever someone new is talking, make a new paragraph. Big wordy blocks of doom make people's eyes bleed, really. XD Huge paragraphs will make people think that you're just droning on and on about one thing.
But besides that, you're doing great! ;)
| Bomba-Fae chapter 1 . 9/7/2006
I like it sofar. update soon. And listen to Aveny's advice about the paragrpahs. Good start.
| Maudey chapter 1 . 9/7/2006
Okay, Remember to always start a new paraghraph when using dialoug, such as:
"I love cheese," Alonzo said, "It is good."
They then went to the famer's barn and got cheese.
"This is good cheese," Bombalurina smiled.
The day passed happily.
Or something like that, basically it breaks up the story, speaking of breaking up the story, cut this into around three chapters, it's very long and sometimes hard on the eyes. Otherwise the content is excellent and you definatly have something going for you.