|Reviews for Serendipity|
| The Humble Mosquito chapter 1 . 11/29/2006
*is in good mood with you because you were online today.* *has been ignoring this partially out of spite for your non!onlineness.*
I've opened the window before starting to read, so I have no idea if I'll like this or not. But hey, everyone else does, so what does it matter if I don't.
It's also midnight, and as this is over 6K, I figure I'll be pretty out of it by the time I finish this review.
Weird sentence fragments that make no sense at the start are okay. Not my cup of tea, but whatever. *Waits for fic to start.*
Nice, nice, nice description but kind of boring me rather than sucking me in - probably because of the time. The pace is kind of slow for what's happening.
Ooh, I like the way you reveal the character at the end of the first section. Very classy and even though there's been about two sentences of it so far, I'm liking the Butler!chracterisation already.
"Be reasonable, Butler. Be responsible. She's nineteen. She's hardly going to sit around pining for you. She doesn't want the anguish and unreliability of a far-away lover, tied up in violence. Don't expect that of her." He nodded. He had heard this from when he was three feet high. He learnt it when crawling into the emptiness of his mother's lap, a four year old wiping away his mother's tears. He knew all about being responsible."
Got confused for a few seconds because of the absence paragraphing. Didn't realise Butler was nodding.
Like the dialogue at the end of the second section, even if Dom's is hard to believe in.
"Remembering everyone else pressing against her from all sides, being lifted above the crowded mosh so that she could see; then Butler pressed against her back and the warm shivers which slid down her spine."
Ick. Horrible to read and the cliche image/sensation ruined the mood. That's a compliment, really: you can suck me in really quickly, so when you use a cliche or an obvious technique it bugs me because I remember I'm reading a fic.
"Her voice twanged, tinted with false colour like her hair had been."
Gah. There we go again...
Nice finish again, before the page break
No idea what the point of that little section with the customs official was, but well written nevertheless.
I like the Juliet-Dom interaction, although I get the feeling you write someof Dom's dialogue as if it's Artemis. I got Arty!vibes, anyway.
I adore the ending to that section, too.
Next section with Butler and the Colonel was nicely done again. Liked the dialogue a bit more. I guess the only problem was that I knew where the conversation was going from the first 3 sentences. Still, you took us there nicely.
Hmm, this is shaping up nicely.
Ditto the bit with the mother. I like the way he plays devil's advocat both ways.
*sees the point of the customs official.*
'"A hope the pay's good. You wouldn't see me flying to another country for a job if the pay wasn't good and the holidays a month long."'
'I hope' I assume.
Wow, that bit punched me in the gut. Really good. Made me shiver. [s]Not so fond of the crude italics to try and make Juliet's dialogue sound childish, but I can live with that.[/s]
""No," he said. Dusk let the word sit before them, suspended in unmoving purple. "No," he said again."
Another example of technique which ruined the flow for me personally. Kind of necessary for the emphasis on the second no, but I lost it in the description.
""We Butlers, we’re so very good at playing dysfunctional families, hating each other.”"
Annoying, given the circumstances.
But yeah. *drools.* That was... nice.
Okay, next one made me shiver, too, which is weird because - urgh - the way he explains things felt a bit artificial. But hey, it worked.
You have this amazing way of letting your power creep up on us, you know? Like, I thought this wasn't going to move me...I thought I could see the patterns; I didn't think you'd be able to move me. And yet somehow... ah, you're way too good. You suck!
Brilliant. The last part was so fast; the way you leave us with the raw emotion in the prior sections and then do a fast paced, vivid scene, which leads to them. It's powerful because the consequences are so fresh in our minds.
Some of the writing bugged me, but you still had me on the edge of tears, and that's impressive.
*is in awe*
| IndentityCrisis chapter 1 . 9/23/2006
Yum, yes, lots of good imagery. It was creepy trying to switch them from brother and sister to father and daughter. For a moment there my sleep-deprived mind decided that Dom had slept with his mother. I dont like the name Honey either, but real life doesnt always provide nicely-named people. It actually made it better for me.
Anyway, it was good. Like a prelude to the first book. (hence the beginning)
| Dim Aldebaran chapter 1 . 9/17/2006
Flawless. Even if it doesn't have your usual glorious angst and all. :D
Well... really, again, it was flawless. The only one thing that irked me remotely was the name (Honey) but that's just me. It did funny things to my visual of her. Lovely, subtle songfic - the lyrics were incorporated quite seemlessly. So, I'm off to nominate this for the Orion Awards and all. There may-or-may-not be a better review on the nom post, depending. :P
And- just by the way- I *loved* that last line. Lovely inversion of The Hollow Men's ending (though I don't know if that was intentional or not... but in any case, I loved it anyway). *coughs* Good stuff. I wish I could nom that for Best Line too, but... well, too much of it has to be taken in the context of the story, and there's all that business running around with it having to be more stand alone and all and... well, I'm sure you understand. :P
So. *coughs* Good work and all. No complaints.
| GreyLady07 chapter 1 . 9/12/2006
I loved it! *sniffs* I always wondered about the age difference between Butler and Juilet, and this presents a very interesting idea. Butler, a father. I like it.
Your style is making me envious, though! The repitition was wonderful, so wonderful, especially that nifty way you tied it into the end (which was also perfect-"The Beginning" *squee*). It's all very intriguing. *grin* Your description was almost flawless; I escpecially liked the imagery of Juliet in white at the funeral and all that stuff at the beach. "Crumbled rainbows." *sigh*
Another great literary device was the foreshadowing. When I read it again, I could see the small clues leading up to Butler's revelation. Very cool.
And I just have to say that I heart this line: "We can't all be giants, my little Domovoi." And the lyrics were great, too. God, I could just go on forever...forgive this incorrigible gusher.
Concrit time, I think. (Sorry.)
"I am not willing to move my girlfriend without paramedic help."-Seems a bit dramatic for Butler. Even substituting "her" for "my girlfriend" might help tone it down. Of course, perhaps you just stuck that in there so we knew that she was his girlfriend, but maybe you could have found another way.
You mention at the beginning that Butler has greying hair, but then later refer to him as bald. Am I missing something, or was that just a little mistake?
And...Butler at a rave? I'm sorry, I just don't see it fitting at all.
Okay, all done. And almost painless, too... ;) I just have one more question before I scurry off and add this to my faves. Why exactly did you choose the title that you did? I'd be curious to hear, though I have my own ideas.
| derangedfangirl chapter 1 . 9/12/2006
Beautiful. My God, I have no words to describe this at the moment. Just... wow. Amazing writing and awesome plot line.
I think Colfer has officially been given a run for his money...
| slime frog chapter 1 . 9/12/2006
Ah, I loved that so much... *waves of nostalgia* Polly Pockets! I remember those... Ahem. That was fabulous. You are fabulous. Have I mentioned recently how jealous of your talent I am?