Reviews for NOT a satisfactory ending
ShadowBrook17 chapter 1 . 11/15/2012
YES! Someone else who agrees with me, that the ending was horrible! Sev may not have been my favorite charater, but he was a brother and a part of Delta Squad. That meant something, and he shouldn't have been left behind to die. I love what you did with this, you did an amazing job. I am going to be starting my own story about the Commando's, starting not to long after Sev was taken. It will have an out come, some what like yours, being I am changing what happened to Sev. But again, you did AMAZING! Your English it very good, I am very impressed. Keep up your amazing work, you did simply wonderful with this! Great job!

ShadowBrook17
machievelli chapter 1 . 10/30/2012
Supposed to have been posted 22 June 2012, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. Everyone say; 'Mach is a flake, Mach is a yo-yo'. Better yet (Waves hand) 'Mach is trying, but he's still a flake'. My computer went down again in June of 2012 with a virus. Sorry...

Clone Wars on Kashyyk: Two chance met warriors help each other

All problems with the work are technical mentioned below:

When dealing with something like cloning to create an army, you wouldn't be tweaking the genome so tightly in the first units, and using a score (20) for that would be a waste of time; especially when at the start of the war you have over two million units already produced. It would be more like 50,000 in batch 1 with the follow on units being also in the thousands. Also, everything you differentiated would be a matter of training rather than genetic capability.

As for the predator they faced, most species of any specific environment are pretty much the same when it comes to the symmetry of their design. Here on earth all animals with more limbs (extra legs, wings etc) are limited by size. There are no giant spiders or insects here on Earth, so having the animal be ten legged was confusing. Look at every predator of even our prehistory from T-Rex to a modern tiger, and you have four limbs and bilateral symmetry.
JesusFreakZoe chapter 1 . 9/14/2011
lovethis so much better than the other endings! Good job! Well written, too!
Sylverlin chapter 1 . 7/2/2011
Now this, this IS a satisfactory ending.
Hunter Stag chapter 1 . 2/23/2008
WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT DELTA GETTING HIM BACK? Other than that, a good story.
Albus Paulson chapter 1 . 1/20/2008
Way to go! Sev really did get a raw deal. You portrayed this really well - not too many adjectives, and not too few verbs. Well done!

-Albus
Mark Solo chapter 1 . 9/16/2006
I wanted to go back, back when I played the game, sev is so cool to fight along side or not, he loves to kill, ... but so do I, well in the game that is.

I had at a few points a lttle difficulty following the story but every thing else very cool man.
animefreak2015 chapter 1 . 9/16/2006
whoa! (breathe, you can, really) now that was a nicely crafted chapter. don't have a clue as to the story line because I don't play the games, but your writing kept me interested. Looking forward to more, if there is. Nice characterization. Both characters came through even to someone who isn't familiar with the venue. (Star Wars, yes, SWgame... no )

dragon