|Reviews for Deva 02: Academy Blues|
| balot55 chapter 31 . 2/15
I can imagine that some time in the future, the invitation process for the Academy would be one of the world's most anticipated events. With news reports about which kid got visited by the teachers and be given an invitation. Kids praying that they will get visited by the instructors and towns and cities celebrating when one of their citizens gets chosen. Parents going crazy when they open their door and there standing in front of them is a representative from the Academy.
| Gateman chapter 9 . 7/26/2013
What exactly is deva magic? It seems like it has no limits. Also, aren't Noriko's discs kind of absurdly dangerous?
Anyway, so far this is one of the best pre-Game Theory MGLN fics I've seen. Maybe DezoPenguin's Steel Queen Chronicles could come close, but so far, this looks like it's on the top. I'll be following this series.
| Gateman chapter 8 . 7/26/2013
" Lotte looked at her curiously for a moment, then shook her head. "No, not a... oh, Takashi finally showed up, I forgot." Shaking her head, Lotte carried on, "No, our guest instructor is a bit of a surprise, since your studies have touched on her, briefly. I think you'll like her. Everyone does, eventually." "
I love this line :), it captures how intense Nanoha is. You also do it in chapter 3 when Hayate and Nanoha are waiting for the students and their families. On any other character it'd probably be arrogance, but she's just self-assured. And so helpful about it.
| Gateman chapter 6 . 7/26/2013
" "My name is Noriko, Laura," Noriko replied, not looking up for a moment. Then her head came up from behind the book she had propped beside the terminal, eyes quizzical over her small reading glasses. She studied Laura for a moment, obviously taking in her relaxed posture and lopsided grin, then groaned, "Kami-sama, Laura, what have you done this time?" "
There's another one, and it's much more out of place.
| Gateman chapter 3 . 7/26/2013
" "Oh, Kami-sama," Hayate muttered, staring at the light, "do I look..." "
Ya know, kami doesn't mean god. It's more along the lines of spirit. Nature and forces and what not. You'd never hear someone say the above line.
Still, it conveys the point and atmosphere that you were going for, so i guess it still works in that sense. It also works if you are trying to suggest that Hayate isn't really all that into Shinto. Considering how she was involved in the TSAB who can say. Though that assumes a judeo-christian outlook being present there which would have other implications. I suppose there's Graham though i guess.
So what were you aiming for there?
| Gateman chapter 1 . 7/26/2013
What is a familiar in your story? They survive after their master’s deaths?
“ "It still bothers me that he'll let you find him, but no one else can," Signum muttered.
"He does not let me find him, Signum," Hayate corrected, giving Signum a fond smile in response to her protectiveness, "Because I don't find him. I find his power, which he cannot hide from like power. Come, we need to return the car before we can go to Stonehenge, then home." “
Very high fantasy. Interesting that you mixed it with nanoha.
“ McClure did not look pleased at that, but he nodded. "All right, guest of Lady Yagami then. Gotta say, he's a lot creepier than I would've expected from one of her friends."
"She has all sorts," Fate commented, then asked, "Why do you keep calling Hayate 'lady'? She's not of noble descent, no Terran titles." “
I wonder why he didn’t react to her use of the phrase ‘Terran’.
| Jammin-2099 chapter 12 . 3/25/2013
You know, the more I read this story over again, the more I become aware that I'm watching this from an entirely MGLNanoha point of view.
I would more than likely have a much softer viewpoint of the Circles in this story, had this story been my first exposure to the Nanoha-verse.
Then again, If I hadn't been into Nanoha in the first place, I more than likely would have never found this story, much less read it all the way through.
| Jammin-2099 chapter 31 . 5/24/2011
I wanted to send in something on this, seeing as this is my fifth-sixth read through, and I haven't yet.
I love this series. I think it's a great alternate continuation of the series as a counterpoint to StrikerS and beyond('FORCE') It's easily my favorite Nanoha story, even if it's not a Nanoha-centric outing. then again, StrikerS was not Nanoha-centric either, and tended to focus more on Tia, Subaru, Erio, Caro and Vivio.
The scene of Laura's Fight with Li alone makes me wish I could see this as an actual anime AU. If for nothing else, the depiction of her escaping "Gaia's Anchor".
A few notes I make that bother me, and I am aware that others have probably brought these up themselves, and I've seen you reaction to one of them so I can let it slide. The Name thing with Nanoha (I know, I can let it slide, but it bothers me and whenever I see her changed name (Takamichi) I can't help but think of the actual Takamichi I know of, IE: the one from Mahou Sensei Negima.)
But, more importantly, the way that Nanoha began the battle over China. Using the Starlight breaker. Word of God and in series explanation of the spell describe it as her gathering and concentrating the ambient magical residue left in the air from whatever battle she has been participating in. the second and third mentions of it I can let go but there's no reasonable explanation for her starting the battle off with it. Even if you were to give the explanation of her using cartridge energy to power it instead, Going by the actual descriptions from the series that are canon, an SB powered that way would not be any better than an enhanced divine buster spell. it would possibly be LESS powerful since she doesn't use her own energy in the SB, and only uses cartridge energy to enhance the magical residue she collects, as well as boosting her containment field she uses to concentrate and direct the SB.
I know Nanoha is all about the "Zenryoku Zenkai!" Full power, bull through approach to 'befriending', but in the series, not once has she ever began a battle, even the hardest ones, with a Starlight Breaker. This is why this bothers me.
Other than that, I love the series! I can't wait for the next chapter of Endless Waltz is posted! .
Oh BTW: Did you plan that out or was it purposefully named after the Gundam Wing movie for some reason?
| Rufus Shinra SFFS chapter 31 . 2/4/2011
That's damn impressive, it's the least I can tell about this fic. Very well written, expanding the Nanohaverse with original and believable characters. That, Sir, is how a magical school should be. None of this Hogwarts nonsense (even if I liked HP) here.
Read all of the Deva 01 and 02 in one go, and that was oh so worth it. Really enjoyed the fact that you didn't make your students some overpowered Mary Sues. Thay have limits, and they fail at moments. That's why there are teachers (and a few people of mass destruction... Sorry, Nanoha and Fate) around.
| PokemonJoe1 chapter 11 . 2/17/2010
wow this is very well done and it makes me want to read more especially after the first story in this series I like Hayate though still I am also a big fan of Fate she is quiet and reserved but has her strong moments to shine.
| Dark Knight Gafgar chapter 26 . 1/18/2010
A question: why do you keep translating Takamachi as Takamichi? You DO know how Nanoha gets when people mispronounce her name, right?
| Baughn chapter 2 . 9/28/2009
Great story! Definitely worth reading!
(Yes. This is a subtle hint, but.. I *am* re-reading it. Story's good, and it's time to look for clues. :P)
| Eternal Longing chapter 31 . 8/21/2009
It's the end! No... I mean, yay!
Oh yes. Before I forget, it might be a few chapters in before you get reviews from me on Endless Waltz since I believe I have already reviewed the beginning few chapters till I took a break from everything and couldn't start back up. But uh, no worries, I'm still going to read. It'll give me some time to generate some non-repetitive comments (and allow me to read "unmolested").
And the answer to my last review lies in the end of this chapter (in the review reply section), so I am satisfied and happy.
Curse me for not having anything else to say, other than the well known and well used: Good job, thanks for hours of entertainment reading a good story, and look forward to seeing your next project... oh, in a couple hours or so.
| Eternal Longing chapter 30 . 8/21/2009
I am really uneasy about this Circle mage right next to Brian. Really uneasy. Lots of bad things may happen, especially since Laura has been pinned for as a Circle target. Even Marine training can't win against magic.
But man, Hayate is harsh. Is it really true that she can destroy everyone's linker cores? That's some insane power. If the Bureau new, she might be termed as a Class Human Lost Logia, except not really lost, and not really a Logia. But if what she claims is possible, no foe standing against her can win. All she needs to do is reach for their linker cores, snuff them, and game over.
Which makes me worried that Hayate's becoming a bit overpowered, but this since StrikerS was just as crazy, the worry's not much to talk about at this point. All you need now is an opponent that is immune to magic. Magic Death, Magic Canceller, etc... And Hayate is once again a... well, not so little anymore. (Except, I guess she could use the surroundings as weapons and wherever she is, Signum with Levantine is nearby as well...)
One more chapter, then year two...!
| Eternal Longing chapter 29 . 8/21/2009
Vita is always amusing. She calls the boys romantics but she herself thinks along the same line: enjoying battle and adventure. Once again, the formation of the Myrmidons is awesome.
Not to poke holes at everything, but I want to make note that the development of Shamal and Cidela to parent and child did not lend itself right away. First, the two aren't enough of main characters to really give the screen time needed to foreshadow this event. Also, the feeling Cidela describes (of being happy to realize Shamal was nearby when she woke) should have been in the chapter when it happened as opposed to now. But alas, hindsight is perfect.