|Reviews for Kim Possible X: The very beginning episode 1|
| beeftony chapter 1 . 9/10/2007
I hate leaving negative reviews, so I'll offer some constructive criticism instead:
This story was impossible to understand. Firstly, ffnet doesn't allow script format, and if you're going to do it that way, get it right! Double space after each line of dialogue. This is an absolute must in script-format, otherwise it just becomes impossible to read.
Overall, this just reads like a random stream-of-consciousness that you just typed up in five minutes. It has no direction, no plot, and I'm left wanting to scratch my own eyes out. Take a few writing classes or read a few books (in English, preferably) if you want to learn how to write a story. But posting random drivel will get you nowhere unless it's all connected by some semblance of plot.
Ultimately, the problem stems from the fact that you automatically assume that we know what you're thinking. We don't. YOU have to explain it to us. Don't beat us over the head with it, but give us some essentials like setting, narrative, and, if you insist on sticking with script format, stage-directions. As it stands, I don't know who these people are, what's happening to them, when or where this occurs, or why you insist on torturing us with this awful "writing," if it can even be called that.
You need to introduce your characters. I assume Hunter is you, in which case I'd like to offer you a fair bit of warning: unless you do it really, REALLY well (which you haven't even come close to doing), don't even try for self-insertion. Just don't. Seriously, it's dangerous territory, and can ruin the reputation of even the best writers. Also, who the hell is Max? It might help to TELL US.
As for Kim and Ron and the rest of the canon characters... well they're that in name only. Where is the witty dialogue that makes the show off of which this is based so great? WTF are they even talking about? Again, egocentrism keeps you from delivering a story that's even comprehensible.
Sorry, but I'm not even going to try reading the rest of your stories. It's a waste of my time.
| Darth Comrade chapter 1 . 4/1/2007
Hello my friend!
In return for reviewing my fanfic, I've decided it's only fair if I returned the favour.
After reading this, here's what I have to say.
Although I liked the twist near the end, the fact you have Josh requesting your OC to destroy Ron Stoppable was interesting,
I highly suggest you start reading a lot more before you get down to writing a fanfic.
Several reasons why:
Firstly, the structure of your story made it extremely difficult for me to read. I had no idea what was dialouge and what was narration.
Secondly: You weren't able to pace the story very well, everything was doen without effort in detail such as location, atmosphere, emotions etc.
Don't worry though, I was in your place once, we all start somewhere, I'm sure with more reading and a little practice you'll become a better writer than I am, you have a lot of talent and I admire your resolve! :)
Just read more...you'll get it, I promise you! ;)
| Tragic warrior chapter 1 . 3/21/2007
The story was hard to read the way it was set up. Whenever a person speaks, they should get their own line so that the reader can see better. Not bad.
| spike chapter 1 . 9/22/2006
first: the chapter is short.
second: when will u upload the other stories.