|Reviews for The Long Job: Pilot|
| Thescarredman chapter 10 . 7/25/2009
Beautiful characterizations and backstories, clever dialogue, taut plotting, clear descriptions and action. Usually, I regard spelling and punctuation errors as potholes in the flow of the story, but the ones here were so minor, and the story so original and compelling, I just sort of floated over them. I'm jumping straight to the second installment of this wonderful story.
| RionaEire chapter 10 . 7/13/2009
This story had some very good points. You are a good writer, with well structured sentences and turns of phrase and you are good at creating interesting charactors, Margot was quite interesting indeed, especially her cu marks and running with the Free Folk (very interesting concept and the fact that this is a western makes it more memorable). You had me on edge and in suspense at the exciting parts and the parts where it looked like our BDHs were in trouble. Some things were a bit far fetched, like riding the tail of a commet, but they were cool and I'm not horribly picky about impossibilities, after all its a space western, how possible is it? :) I'm hesitant to look at your next one because I see it vering off into a possible Rayne story where River will be all normalfied and that isn't my speed. So I'll take a tentative look at the next story and decide from there. Even though the story ended on a sour note for me I thought I should point out the things I enjoyed, another of them being that in chapter two there were some really funny quips.
| WL Chastain chapter 10 . 5/3/2008
I enjoyed your story. THANK YOU for not doing slash or one shot fluff crap!
One thing though, it says completed, but it lacking an ending. Are you going to write one more chapter in regards to Margot and the money spent from the bounty?
Anyways, I am working on an original fanfic story myself (set AFTER the movie) and hopefully it'll be done soon.
I look forward to reading more of your work!
| Erik MacRorie chapter 8 . 7/16/2007
Still going strong, with fine writing. River's breakdown after the crisis passed was very moving, and very evocative of the deep feelings of betrayak and loss that must be buried under her Alliance-inflicted problems. Well done.
| Erik MacRorie chapter 2 . 7/16/2007
Excellent start! I love your fleshing out of the Companion schools, very well thought out and believable. I think I'm going to enjoy this, and hopefully any sequels that follow.
| garden-crafter chapter 8 . 11/1/2006
Great chapter. and I liked the bit about the quote from Dune -it fits very well.
| garden-crafter chapter 10 . 11/1/2006
Great moral dilemma. I agree with Zoe that it's wrong for ANYONE to be slavers - regardless of what colours you fly, or what cause you serve.
Margot's advice to Wash was very wise too.
| garden-crafter chapter 9 . 11/1/2006
| MAndrews chapter 8 . 10/29/2006
I like the way this chapter was done. Poor River, but I think you handled her well.
| garden-crafter chapter 7 . 10/27/2006
I liked the sneaky-escape, and how the crew entertain themselves while in hiding.
And it's cool that not only did they get out with everyone (and very little damage), but they also have all the stuff that was installed while the Commander thought Serenity was a new addition to his fleet.
| BenRG chapter 7 . 10/27/2006
You know, it is kind of disappointing. I was half expecting Mal and Zoe to get to the brig with Jayne in cuffs and say something about "Prisoner transfer from cell block 1138." ;-) Still, this was a very Firefly escape.
I'll bet that all those goodies the pseudo-Browncoats loaded onto Firefly will solve the crew's cash problems for a good few months... if not years.
You are keeping the characters just right for the pre-movie. Shepherd Book is especially well-realised, but I'm liking your view of River too.
BenRG's Rating: 7/10
| garden-crafter chapter 6 . 10/26/2006
Margot has wonderful spirit ! I'm guessing that the insults inside the brackets were intended to be translated. One one hand, I think she's somewhat blood-thirsty. But on the other hand, I can see the logic behind her point - a dead enemy is no longer able to endanger you.
Great action too !
| garden-crafter chapter 5 . 10/19/2006
Great job on so elegantly describing the comodore as being a fanatic:
"Mal didn’t like the glitter in the man’s eyes, t’was too close to madness for comfort".
The Commodore sure has some bloody nerve - and Serenity's crew don't seem like the type to blindly follow orders (though I could see Mal playing along for awhile, if it suited a PLAN of his - though apparently most of the crew have NOT been told the details of his plan).
Trying to enslave his crew, is NOT going to make these fanatics "popular" with Mal. And I can picture River snapping and starting to kill strangers.
Please write more soon !
| MAndrews chapter 5 . 10/18/2006
Ack! Nasty evil browncoats giving people like Mal and Zoe a bad name! grr!
Wonderfully written, I don't this worked up about just anything. Good job
| BenRG chapter 5 . 10/18/2006
So, I see that you decided to 'borrow' my idea - don't worry, it's free ;-) I also see that, the Commadore's fine words aside, pirates remain pirates. They are just fighting and killing to get over their sense of betrayal (and, probably, to avoid doing what Mal and Zoe did and getting a proper job). I wonder how Mal will react when he finds out that these people are Browncoats in name and uniform only?
Still, I suppose they might get some gas, parts and supplies out of this, if nothing else. I find myself wondering, however, if Mal and Zoe are dissembling. They /must/ realise that, this long after the war, the Diehards must have made... compromises.
An interesting chapter overall. I wait to see the fighting start.
BenRG's Rating: 7/10