Reviews for Inconspicuous
Chibi Bishi chapter 3 . 10/20/2011
i love your writing style. It seems cluttered and confusing but it all comes together in the end. Superb work. unlike other fanfics i've read, you really captured their personalities and adapted them into the story in a realistic fashion. I like that the romance was slow and gradual and not abrupt as is often the case in other fanfics!
keisan chapter 3 . 1/10/2009
Wow! I really liked that... the first bits were confusing but I think I got the gist of it. I like how it was one of those WIP loves, it wasn't immediate, it took a lot of time and pain and tears and sadness and work but ultimately, it makes you think it's definitely something lasting. Loved it. :) It was told very subtly as well and that is fabulous writing.
Mahiru No Yume chapter 3 . 10/21/2006
Ohh! Yay! Very very good. Good job. You deserve a pat on the back.

Too bad it's over. ;_;

...BlooD MasCarA...
Kearia Hikari chapter 1 . 10/14/2006
That was funny! and uber cute! i really like it!

darksaphire chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
they finally get together! yayness! update soon! cant wait for problems to surface.
Nedunque chapter 2 . 10/1/2006
The “You’re really dense, you know.” is adorable - and very Kai. And I like how they end up ogling eachother at the end of chapter two.

I could probably find more examples that are just right - for they are many - but I'll settle for just commending you on an interesting experiment. I like the constant feeling of being dropped in media res. There's a clear sense of progression, but it's always necessary to try filling in the blanks oneself (and I'll have to admit I'm still struggling with some of them). I will say though that this has been a delightful read - a wonderfully slow (even in three chapters) development of their relationship. When the kiss comes, it's just right.

“Will you be terribly annoyed with me for being human?” is just the perfect note to end on. Kai's real humanity is so often overlooked.

Thank you - Thank you very much.

- Jens


"soft kissed pressed" - kiss

The next section has "neko-jin" three times in quick succession - it's a bit repetitive.

"One of which he rather didn’t see him like this." - "he'd" (he would) I'm almost sure.

"Not once looking at the neko-jin." It sounds as though this is referring to Rei himself. Perhaps - "Not once did he look at the NJ."?

"then his Japanese team-mate" - "than"


"gently loosing the hold" - "loosening"

"Rei breached the subject" - "broached"

"a relived smile" - "relieved"

" the brink exhaustion" - "the brink of"
Black Magician Girl3 chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
Good job.
Kyuusaisha Bleeding chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
AHH That was fantastic! You captured Kai's ignorance and stubbornness perfectly, and Rei is so convincing.

I've seen this sort of plot before quite a few times; Rei likes Kai, but Kai isn't sure, and etc... But I've never seen it done like this, and that's one of the things I like about it; you made a -possibly- ordinary plot into something extraordinary.

Brilliant. It made me smile, the ending was very well done, and I enjoy your style of writing. (I hope Bryan really did burn the outfit XD)
hoshicat chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
ok so it made a little more sense towards the end but the scene changes did confuse me quite a bit...great job though! loved the humor!

Hoshicat _
Reis1gurl chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
dear god that was amazing. absolutely breath taking. gawd that was good. i got chills it was so good. fantastic job, to say the least.
Vees Talon chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
This has got to be one of the GREATEST stories ever!

I absolutely loved it. I'm glad I read it, and even more glad you wrote it.

Its art.

caberwolf /x
Kurama's wife chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
it was cute
HitomiNagaisa chapter 2 . 10/1/2006
Great story I'm really looking forward to the next chapter
Reis1gurl chapter 2 . 9/30/2006
amazing. absolutely amazing.

continue soon.
Mahiru No Yume chapter 2 . 9/27/2006
ohh. nice

Please update soon! It's so cute

...BlooD MasCarA...
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