|Reviews for The Place Where There is Water|
| Merge chapter 2 . 4/15/2014
Can i also say that I appreciate the care you take in writing Barret? He's such an underrated character, and it really warms my heart to see you care.
You said earlier that you get tons of hits but little reviews. Some things are so good, they leave you speechless. There are no words, it just is. I'm willing to bet this is the case. Stay wonderful.
| Merge chapter 2 . 4/15/2014
YOU MADE TIFA PERFECT. I mean, the love of her life is only likely dead. You know what I mean? You write so well. I was tearing up over Denzel :(
I dunno what else to say. You make me excited to read you. I don't want to stop reading you. I hope to God this story is finished or I will sob.
| Merge chapter 1 . 4/15/2014
This flowed so nicely, I felt as though I were watching a continuation of the film. That means everyone was in CHARACTER *cue angel choir* and the plot of things seem plausible. Not to mention the dialogue, oh goodness. It feels natural and this is wonderful and marry me.
| theYellowDello chapter 1 . 4/23/2010
| leradny chapter 1 . 10/20/2008
This, the first chapter was a decent read overall. However, there were some things that just jarred too much for me to really enjoy it.
Your description in general is sparse. That is a style which can work-really well, in fact. However, your description of places and changes in location need work. You don't describe the settings enough to ground the characters properly-I feel like they're walking around in a vaguely Midgar-ish void. From the amount of description you give to the characters, I know you can flesh it out.
Secondly, your dialogue comes off as rather stilted for a few people. Barret is one of them, but you admit he is hard for you to write so you're probably working on that. Cid is the other. I found these lines bothered me the most:
“Fuck! Cloud could be layin’ in there and you’re just a wastin’ time about it!”
“Hell no. That kid can take a fuckin’ beatin’ and still keep right on a ticken’,”
Please don't use apostrophes. They are an extremely superficial way to write out dialects and if you write the dialect correctly, people will automatically blank out the Gs on their own. Also, using 'fuck' by itself-especially with an exclamation point-is a really awkward swear. Most people (including myself xD) do not use it without at least tacking on an 'it' or 'you' onto the end. Try to use profanity for emphasis-Cid doesn't drop clusters of F-bombs for the hell of it, he uses them for emphasis. And he emphasizes a lot of things.
Also, "a-wasting time" and "keep on a-ticking" stand out like sore thumbs-they just don't feel like things Cid would say.
The phone call with Marlene is the last thing I'd like to elaborate on, as it is almost entirely dialogue. If it were a movie, it would basically be a black screen with voiceovers. Remember that things happen outside of the conversation. People nod to yes/no answers and then speak up when they remember their listeners can't see. They brush their hair out of their eyes, pace around the room, and so on. I completely lost touch during that section and it was very hard for me to keep from skipping it over.
...Look, this is the first chapter, and I know from experience that first chapters are the hardest to churn out! Not to mention it was started two years ago, and you've probably improved a lot since then. The piece shows potential, it really does-you just lost it while trying to juggle all the things you were trying to do. Being original while setting it during the end of the movie, work on characterizations you have trouble with...
It's miles above most first chapters I've read, which is why I'm spending so much time nitpicking. It can be so much better. You don't have to edit it frantically once you get this message, just keep it in mind for the next chapter you write.
| leonsgirl47625 chapter 4 . 4/12/2008
Oh, I like it very much :]
Its very suspenseful and well written, update soon!
| With A Smile chapter 1 . 2/11/2008
Oh, I liked this a lot. You described the emotions and the account of the events very well, but I do think certain things could do with more detail, as in when Tifa thinks Cloud has just died. Otherwise, I'm only on Chapter One and I'm already hooked :) Please keep up the good work!
(BTW, this is Kiss from TC&TF and Strifeheart.)
| L chapter 4 . 9/15/2007
Well-written, it was easy to go through (some stories give me a headache, but this was structured well: no big chunky paragraphs yet not too overly truncated either).
That was a good read. :) I like your account of events.
| WomanOfHeart chapter 4 . 6/16/2007
I've just finished all four chapters and I can't wait for the next installment!
Very creative and well written!
| Pied Flycatcher chapter 4 . 12/26/2006
Read the rest of it and I enjoyed it a lot. :) I especially liked Tifa's memories of Cloud and the stuff about his motorbike. It's great when authors add details like that; it makes the story feel more like an extension of canon.
Quite a few typos and still dialogue heavy. The dialogue is good (Yuffie made me laugh) and I'm impressed by how in-character it is. There were only a few parts that didn't sound quite right. I agree that Barret is incredibly difficult to write but overall I don't think you did a bad job with him.
Plot-wise, the wolf was an interesting touch. I was kind of hoping that it would be Aerith who led them to the church, especially as the place is associated with her. I'd like to see more of her influence, especially since I'm pretty sure she ended up guiding them there in the film. (Moogle-girl said the flower girl told her to wait there and Cloud would come back.)
Looking forward to reading the rest though.
| Pied Flycatcher chapter 1 . 12/25/2006
Interesting so far. I don't have time to read the rest at the moment, so I thought I'd drop you a review in the meantime. :)
It's pretty well-written and I think you've got the characters moreorless right. But it's a little too heavy on the dialogue. The dialogue is good, but the story feels slightly bare. I think you could do with a bit more description, just more detail to break up the dialogue, particularly in the second half.
I had a couple of problems with the transition from place to place. Not because it's not there, but because it's so fast I almost missed it. Again, I think it suffers from a lack of detail.
There are a few typos. You mix up sight and site. Also, a tiny thing that bugged me at the beginning: 'she told the water droplet.' I mean, I suppose technically she is talking to the water droplet but it just sounds rather strange. Really, she's talking to Aerith. So I think it would sound better if you dropped that and put a simple 'she said' instead.
One other thing that didn't sound right. When the Turks are talking to the WRO. I don't think you needed to give a complete physical description of the characters. It could be cut down. If they have a photo, for instance, then there isn't much need to describe them. Plus some of the characters are already well-known - is it really necessary to describe Sephiroth in so much detail?
Finally, this was all in Tifa's PoV right until a short scene at the end. That threw me. I thought it was still Tifa's PoV at first so I was puzzled when the characters talked about not telling Tifa something, and then I looked back up and realised she'd left before that. So the transition was a little jarring for me. You may want to stick to one PoV, at least per scene. You could try omniscient, although I personally find that annoying because it dips into different characters' heads all the time, but that's only my personal opinion; you should use what works best for you. :)
I realise I've just spent most of the review criticising the story but I do like it so far, enough to read on later. Happy Christmas!
| Silent Mistress chapter 4 . 11/20/2006
Great story. It's just wonderfully written and the characters are well in character. I just love it. Keep up the good work. I'll be waiting for the next update.
| EarmuffedAmazon chapter 4 . 11/18/2006
O! O! *jumps up and down waving arm franticly in the air* I Know! O! I know! *stops* But Then again I am Privileged. *smirks* Guess I shouldn't Give Away the answer to the bouns question...Hey, I'm glad you got this posted. You get so darn excited, everyone should leave you reviews to continue to fuel your writing fevor. I should get a writing on mine...Maybe I'll start working on it at work...There was this lady who wrote her novel while she was working there...*is excited for next chapter* Oh, and mold is what gives cheese it's flavor, but we don't want an overabundence, so I'm happy to help you trim it a tic. *grin* E.A. aka Lindsey
| wee chapter 2 . 11/17/2006
*giggles* this reminds me a korean drama, espeically Tifa. wow, DRAMA QUEEN! she swore too...classy...lol. on to the next chapter after i get ready to go out! woop woop..wee
| Wee chapter 1 . 11/17/2006
this makes me wanna go back and finish the game! i love this line - "That kid can take a fuckin’ beatin’ and still keep right on a ticken’" hahahahaha...nice, v nice. so on to the next chapter...TTFN!