|Reviews for The Gunblade Saga: Reload|
| Wakka02 chapter 9 . 7/6/2007
That certainly took a long time to churn out. LoL. Was waiting for it for ages.
Wasn't really disappointed with the chapter, I thought the dance scene was pretty well revamped, but I think the use of the word FUBAR was a little inappropriate. It's fine if characters use the acronyms and tech terms in conversations because it might be their nature to do so or something, but the narrator using it is just.. weird. Too un-neutral, if you know what I mean.
I'm actually surprised you came back to this though, most fanfiction writers just shake their head and give up after a long break, but you came back with another chapter which was pretty well done. I'm looking forward to seeing this masterpiece finished. ;)
| smurr79 chapter 9 . 7/5/2007
Awesome! once again you surpass my expectations, to be truthful, and I know you've heard this a million times. I thought the original Gunblade was a work of pure art, but this was at a whole different level! However, as a loyal fan of your works (Especially your novelizations and Chimera/Synthesis) I have to do as you asked and point out the only mistake I saw immediately. When you were describing how Trent and Squall were sizing each other up you referred to Squall as "Commander".
| Celestial Rage chapter 9 . 7/4/2007
Sorry for not posting a review earlier... but its better latter than never, right?
I read the first Gunblade Saga and always considered it a masterpiece, so I cant see the reason why youre rewriting it... youre such a perfectionist! Thats something I really admire of you.
The battle scenes are definitely your best forte, though I also liked the Ballroom scene description, especially because you describe everything in detail, so its almost as though Im actually there, wathcing the events unfold as I read.
Supreme work as always (I read Legacy of the Quimera too. Liked the way you combined some details from Metal Gear Solids plot. That game rocks... but FFVI is better! :D )
Anyway, I hope youre reviewing soon, Id love to see what other changes you make.
| Dragoon Swordsman chapter 9 . 7/4/2007
Well, I'd have to say I liked it. I did notice that Squall was actually smiling while they watched the fireworks, but he didn't look exactly crushed afterwards, at least not to me. I very clearly saw his eyes narrow, as if he was suspicious of something.
| Naryfiel Lilith chapter 9 . 7/4/2007
yeah! you finally updated! it was so good too. i absolutely adored the dance scene! it really helps to set up the soon to be blossoming romance. anyway, great chapter and hope you update ASAP.
| Tain Shari chapter 9 . 7/4/2007
Wow, you've captured it all right. That was... well, very very good. :P At least an order of magnitude better than the original. But I bet you already knew that.
Though I've enjoyed all your works, this one, I think, will always be my favorite. As always, I look forward to the next update.
| Firelord Lionheart chapter 9 . 7/4/2007
As I said in the review in the original, that whole bit with Seifer gives a great insight to just how...screwed up he is up there. Yhough now that I've played the game again, it's hard to call him a "bad guy". He's more anti-hero than villain.
As for the dance scene, you captured the whole feling of it well again. It does foreshadow the rest of the game. I believe the love story started for Rinoa right away. One of the minor things I like about FFVI is that the girl had to work to win the guy's heart, not vice-versa.
Now for the nitpick: FUBAR wouldn't be the right classification for the situation Seifer put them in in Dollet. It was more like TARFUN. A Galbadian AI chasing after you is pretty TARFUN to me.
| Wakka02 chapter 8 . 4/6/2007
I liked The Gunblade Saga and Legacy of the Chimera, but I'd say those two have nothing on Reload. The previous two mentioned were great, but they seem to lack depth and meaning. If you actually read through and gave it thought the focus of both fanfics revolve around the fighting scenes, which were wonderfully illustrated but did nothing in the way of providing the meaning to the story.
Reload however is a great job at providing both great illustrations and gives much leeway in allowing a reader's imagination take over yet providing much insights on the main storyline. If I liked Saga and Legacy, then I just love Reload. I swear if you took the complete thing to a publisher, with Squaresoft's permission this would be the next bestseller.
This is one of the best novelisations I've ever read, and even though I know this will take another couple years to complete I can't wait for the chapter titled Epilogue to make its debut. Keep up the good work man!
| DarkAngel-Jessie chapter 3 . 4/2/2007
Hey, I started to read this, but I have to say that I like them both. (Gunblade Saga and Reload) I never finished playing FF8 because my disc was broke. But I have to say, I like the novalization more then the game. Hech, I can imagine all the fighting scene because of my large fantasy input. I never got too the End Game against Ultimacia, but I’m glad you could write everything down. Sometimes you description of scenes are sometimes very long and boring? Hey, but I’m not here criticize your work. I just love it. I’m a girl of action. (Horseback riding and Taekwondo does this too me) You should publish this to the world! (just kidding) I’m a writer too, but I still have a long way to go. English isn’t even my language. But I’m manage. I love to read your story anytime (when I have time – I got a lot of homework to do)
I liked this scene (trail by fire) better then in the first Saga. I don’t know why, put it fits. Right to the point. Every time I read a action packed scene my heart’s started to beat fiercely. Which for you is a good sign, because it is just superb.
I’ll looking forward for the next chapter(s) and I will also read Zelda (again one of my favorite RPG games, even if I haven’t a Wii or Nitendo at home) and I will read you other works as well.
See you next time, kisses from Belgium.
| Raskol chapter 1 . 4/1/2007
Well, I really should be reviewing your OoT story, but, well, I'll get to that sometime in the [near] future. I never really reviewed your opening chapter in Gunblade, so here I am.
I think you know my views on the entire flower-grabbing scene. I personally don't like it at the beginning at all. Aside from that...
"...the slender, black-bladed Hyperion being turned aside by the parry of the heavier, silver blade of the Revolver." - This would sound better as: '...the heavier, silver blade of the Revolver turned aside the slender, black-bladed Hyperion.' Active voice vs Passive voice. You used the passive voice, which isn't good considering it's the start of a fight scene. You need more impact in the sentence, especially the opening sentence.
"Their wielders backed off slightly, eyeing each other with deadly intensity." - You can cut this sentence down majorly. I think you've conveyed the idea of rivalry between the two characters in the first sentence. There's no need for 'deadly'. Also, 'slightly' is an adverb; furthermore, it's unneeded. You were trying to show the readers that the characters both backed up. Okay. If they're fighting, it's doubtful that they would back up more than a few paces anyways. So: 'Their wielders retreated [a few feet], eyeing each other with intensity [intensely].'
"...carrying with it the humid dampness of a coming morning storm..." - If a breeze is damp, then its humid, and vice versa. Cut one of those words out. '...carrying with it the humidity [dampness] of a coming morning storm...'
"To the east, a sliver of silver arose on the horizon, peeking over the mountains surrounding their field of battle." - Again, redundancy. If something's peeking over the mountains, then its rising over the horizon, strictly speaking. 'To the east, a sliver of silver peeked over the mountains surrounding their battlefield.'
"Overhead, the sky was darkened by the approaching storm clouds..." - Passive voice. How 'bout: 'Overhead, approaching storm clouds darkened the sky...'
"...but no rain had yet to fall on the two warriors this morning." - '...but no rain had yet fallen...' I believe is more grammatically correct.
"Beneath their battlefield, their hilltop was surrounded by tall pine trees..." - If the top of the hill is the battlefield, of course the hilltop is beneath the battlefield. Cut out the first phrase and leave it at 'Their...' though you may have to tweak it a little to make it flow correctly.
"Hyperion rang against the Revolver, the slender gunblade’s wielder smirked." - And...that's a comma splice.
As a note: Wikipedia says that Seifer's eyes are green and that Squall's eyes are grey. Er...it said that last time I checked, but you know how those edit wars are...
"...exemplified his aristocratic and haughty bearing that belied his eighteen years of age." - Instead of 'his aristocratic...' how 'bout 'an aristocratic...' Purely because aristocratic and haughty bearings in general do not go well with most 18-year olds. Generally. Not just his aristocratic and haughty bearing.
"...rushed ahead in an aggressive chop with the heavier Revolver." - You don't rush ahead in a chop. You rush ahead with a chop. Of course, it's just word choice, but I personally think the 'with' would make it flow better.
"...only coming up just past five feet and eight inches..." - You don't need the 'only'. It's redundant. If he's much shorter, then the only is implied. '...coming up just past five...'
Another note: Is it established canon that says that Squall wears a leather jacket? Or is it fanon? Leather shines. If someones doing mercenary work or any other work that required skulking around in the dark, wouldn't one want to wear cloth that doesn't shine? Shiny cloth attracts more attention than non-shiny cloth, and would Garden regulations allow such attention to be drawn to someone out in the field? Just curious.
"He wore a short black leather jacket with thick, soft white fur around the collar, underneath which there was a plain white muscle shirt." - Awkward sentence structure. If you broke this up into two sentences, it'd flow a little better.
"The hybrid weapon holder was angled forward..." - You established it was made for a hybrid weapon. Redundancy. Could do without the 'hybrid'. Also, you used weapon again in the same sentence, though I'm not sure how you can avoid that.
"Around the man's right leg was a trio..." - You used trio just a line up when describing the belts...
"... up against the heavier gunblade and smashing against the crafted steel." - Against. Against. In seven words.
"The weapon was blasted up and out of the hands of its wielder..." - Passive voice. Fix it, as it detracts from the action and creates less of an impact.
"...before descending toward the ground and smashing into the stone point-first." - Metal can smash into stone. Soft, brittle stone. Since there's only gravity's force behind the gunblade, I don't believe it can entirely smash into the stone. Also, if something smashes into stone, said stone would shatter into tiny little bits.
"...warrior tore the weapon from the damp soil." - And then you say it's soil. Slight plot inconsistency here since it was stone just two paragraphs ago...
"...waited silently, his superior smirk still marking his features, as he waited for..." - Essentially, you're saying that the blonde man waited as he waited. Repetition. Fix.
"Hyperion was long and slender, and was straight, with a shining, chromed edge." - Why not: 'Hyperion was long, slender, and straight, with a shining, chromed edge.' Hell, if you want to, you can even take out most of the extraneous adjectives.
"Hyperion remained still until an instant before the Revolver flew ..." - Awkward structure. 'Hyperion snapped up just as the Revolver...' You can even incorporate the next sentence into this one.
"...block, sparks flying through the morning air as the two blades crashed together." - Nothing wrong, per say, with this. Flow's subjective, but I think you'd be better off saying: '...deft block, and sparks flew through...' But you've mentioned sparks a lot already, so it might be worthwhile to just cut that sparky phrase out.
"...and disengaged his weapon." - Disengaged. It's only in the same paragraph that you used this word.
"...into a brutal overhead cleave that would split his foe from forehead to navel." - It's brutal, all right. Is the last part necessary? You can stop it at 'overhead cleave'.
"...wielder, the gunblade intercepting ..." - Stick with the good ol' 'and' conjuntion. '...over its wielder and intercepted the powerful...'
"...odd angle to throw his foe off." - If an angle's odd, then it's automatically implied that it will throw the opponent off. Redundant.
"... the Revolver crashing against Hyperion in a brutal series of blows." - Brutal. Again. Also, you seem to enjoy using -ing endings. The only problem is that -ing endings tend to break up the flow a little [in my eyes]. I think you should use them more sparingly.
"The Revolver was shoved back and down by its foe’s superior strength..." - Once again, passive voice.
"...man’s eyes widened as red and ..." - Seifer's eyes just widened. Another word.
"...smaller man’s own eyes widened an instant ..." - And, once again, eyes widen.
"...felt his weapon begin to be forced back..." - The 'begin' isn't really needed.
Like the slug Seifer dealt him though. Very Seifer-like.
All in all: Sparks like to fly when swords meet, Seifer enjoys spinning, Squall likes brutality, Hyperion likes to deliver arcing swings, and Revolver enjoys chopping. Also, Seifer and Squall both like to widen their eyes near the end...and you like -ing verbs.
Watch out for the repetition is what I'm trying to say.
Also, passive voice made me wince a bit there. You have a lot of unneeded description and phrases. I know that you like to describe, but this is sort of...bordering on overdescription. It's difficult to wade through the details to find the action, especially since the dialogue is sparse and the paragraphs are gigantic chunks of text.
God dammit. Long review. Result of wandering on fictionpress for way too long and delivering long reviews. That, and I have free time.
Apologies if I made your eyes hurt reading through this. *wince*
| logging-in is troublesome chapter 8 . 3/9/2007
I take it you don't like short reviews, so:
Gunblade Saga was a wild ride. An AWESOME wild ride. And you still weren't contented? Boy, you're some writer, daring to do it all over again.
I'm glad there's a man in this world who's more of a perfectionist than I am. I am so happy!
I gotta hand it to ya, even I can't and won't do that if I were in your place. Laziness gets the best of me.
You write really, and I mean REALLY, well. The chapters are really detailed and I liked the way you added some interesting scenes an' stuff, you know, to fill in some blanks.
Update soon... can't wait... you know the drill.
| Susan chapter 4 . 2/9/2007
I thought Quintis in Cid's office discussing the team assignments was a great addition. The reader as a result gets to read Quitis reaction and why Cid allowed the Squall to be on the same team as Seifer and Zell.
| Susan chapter 3 . 2/9/2007
Of course no one ripped you apart in the last chapter reviews since you did so well there is nothing to critize. I like how you took what happened in the game and try to make it as real world as possible. I would have thought Squall gun blade shot bullets since it has a revolver on the blade so it was good you went into details about the weapons. While none of the characters in the game carred knifes that I can tell I like the fact that you added them because I would imagine SeeDs would like a back up weapon. I really liked the battle at the fire cavern. You also did an excellent job in the area of guardian forces. The way Final Fantasy vi did guardian forces may work for the game but in fanfiction it isn't plausible. The Avator idea really works and explains how students could get and use guardian forces in a way that is more realistic. If I find something to critize I will tell you but right now you are doing such I great job I am finding nothing.
| Susan chapter 2 . 2/9/2007
I really don't have any critism for either chapter one or two because it is so well detailed. I got to read of their emotions, thoughts and motives. I like that you included Seifer's motives for cheating in his fight with Squal. Every ones thoughts and reactions is so in character and tells the reader so much about them. I do think it is logiacal that Quintis will run into the mysterious girl who we find out later is Ellone on the way to the infirmary. I like how you took scenes from the game and extended them. As long as you keep up with filling in the who, what, where, how so to speak, the emotions, getting into the characters heads and extending scenes, and even adding scenes that will better explain what happened, you will succed in reaching your goal in creating a better story.
| Frytas-90 chapter 8 . 2/9/2007
sniff...sniff..sniff...boohoo it took you so long to write and even longer for me to review any story, I'm terribly sorry for lack of reviews, but given an impending doom(end term tests) I had no time to read, and given my rather explosive Seifer-like nature I had a few riots with my older brother who tried to keep my CPU for himself but now I am back to the game, and will read and review twenty times more than normal, and will strike 400% of norm by the end of this week (yep I am from former USSR's satellite country). Good luck, and write as good as you can