i feel i shouldn't be grinning like an idiot, making squealing noises while reading this.

But but but good kyuubi is canon

Well, despite the odds of this being a dead story, I am favoriting this one! Hope to someday see an update!

those narusaku moment are disgusting but good story so far

Fantastic story! Hope you update soon.

I know you probably get this a lot, but this story is awesome.

PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON PLEASE UPDATE SOON

It is such a shame you more or less abandoned this story. Without a doubt, this is one of the best fics I've ever read, and one of the most honest examinations of the universe in which they reside. You've taken your time to so meticulously craft their psychological shortcomings and challenges, in a way that is both true to their canon personalities and wholly unique. I really do hope you continue this one day, because this is an absolutely fascinating read. And I'm glad you've given at least this much to us.

R.O.Y

MOAR

I don't mind a Haku pairing with Naruto but how will this work out in the long run because the Shinobi world is very harsh and violent.

So Beautiful, I hope you will up date it some day.

Hesitation and Freezing Up!

That is what I've gotten from this story. Now before I delve into that, I have a few things good to say first. Firstly, your writing is very excellent overall, grammar and style wise. You put the reader into each character's viewpoint. Descriptions are well done. It's all very good. Secondly, this story's premise is very good, and had amazing potential. Finally, you were using canon characters quite well to drive the story along, while keeping them fairy within their original design.

Now here comes the critiques and perhaps some slight flaming though I will try and keep it brief in that regard. So here is the crux of the matter. The whole story reeks of hesitation. It's shown when you write paragraph after paragraph of a character's thoughts. It's a good technique and can really help define character's and show growth. But how you used it ended up killing story and interest in reading it. Due to nonstop use of this technique, it makes the read want to skip ahead until the character finally pulls their head out of their ass(read:stop analyzing why you're doing any and everything!) and take action. And within each thought pattern of the ccharacters you show, you continuously make it where they're battling to decide whether to do one thing or the other. Honestly, it's ducking stupid, I'm sorry, bu it has to be said. You make it seem like a character has conviction to do, say, or even think something strongly, but then decide they should falter about it. It's done so often it is literally viewable as the writer's own self getting in the way of the story and character's. Naruto himself, at this stage especially, wouldnhave more conviction and get past issues that aren't specifically in regards to the two significant killing portions. Also, I would think he would learn the techniques you set at least somewhat faster. What no one seems to realize(and I thought you had at the beginning) is that naruto is talented. Not in the conventional sense though. No, he is talented in his focus. It is what allowed him to learn kagebunshin in only a few hours by himself with only his own set-sabotaged training to use as a foundation. Same with the rasengan in the original story. So I am a little miffed due to the lacing of that as well. I might not have been if the previous mentioned thought sinkhole you wrote wasn't slowing down the flow of the story.

Anyway, starting to lose coherent thought as I write his as I vex myself thinking of the glaring flaws to this story. It's much worse because not only are you one of the most competent writers I've seen on this site, but you had such an original premise going so far, especially in execution. And the added it with the new team added from Kiri made me not read chapter 9 at all. Mainly because it's at this point you are not changing canon based upon different thoughts being brought up and the like that garner different routes taken from the point. Adding on to that is inherently bad because it draws away from how our changes to the canon universe affact both subtly and obviously the canon. Or example, naruto' s training from Haku. Or his own training by himself. Adding in the kiri stuff this early into the story(and I mean by original standards) takes away much of the little you have done.

I do hope you come back someday, and read this to help perhaps make a better story based upon this one. Because mistakes aside, you truly are a diamond in the rough based upon this piece alone. With well-wished regards,

Krafty.

Interesting. I don't usually like gender changes but I do think you have used some clever details (like the common sense of homeless boys being relatively safer than girls and the choker) to make Haku as a girl fit. Thanks for sharing

I've read this like two times now, still love it! I have a dream that one day there will be an update!

It's kinda sad that such a great story, made by such amy amazing writer is essentially dead. I really liked this one too... oh well...