Reviews for When the Circus Came to Town
Sukaretto Yuki chapter 3 . 1/4/2012
And another great chapter to a great story. I really liked reading this one, I'm terrified of how Roxas' dad will take to seeing the circus, I hope and imagine it being good once he's seen the performances. But who knows? I'm not a fan of lex in this :/ but I'm very interested in what Kairi does in the circus. If she's resting with the lions and tigers. Haha. Great chapter.
Sukaretto Yuki chapter 2 . 1/4/2012
Absotivly Posolutly? Best saying ever. I absolutely loved this chapter, talking or not. I think it's kind of awesome that Roxas was the only one to show up, I mean it would have been nice if other people showed up but the fact that he WAS the one person to show up was awesome. I feel uh oh-ish though. If he wasn't allowed to go to the circus how on traverse town is he going to talk his father into giving them pro-publicity? I wish him luck. I liked seeing the little circus life and how they all interact. Riku seems a little OOC but I can deal with that. It's extremely well written.

P.s I forgot to add in the last review, I love Roxas' overhearing of conversations. They're actually conversations and that's awesome. Some people don't do that and I think the way you wrote it gave it a nice feel. I really liked that part. :D
Sukaretto Yuki chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
I, being one of the many kids who would love to run away to a circus and who is training so I can, absolutely loved this. I literally typed in circus to the search bar and zoned in on my favourite games and anime and after reading about seven of them now yours is officially my favourite so far. It's EXTREMELY well written and I honestly can imagine it as I read, I feel the magic and not many stories can do that. You've got yourself one reviewer/reader and I doubt I'll drop the story any time soon. Maybe I'll check out your others after? Who knows. But you have talent my friend :D
Wallfox chapter 27 . 11/9/2011
3 Loved this story so much and the ending is a real perect fit!
Shadow Storyteller chapter 27 . 7/28/2011
I loved this story SO MUCH! I usually don't read M stuff (this was my first) but it sounded so good, I had to. I am so glad I did, too. This is one of the best stories I've ever read.
chocomiiillk13 chapter 3 . 7/19/2011
This chapter was great! It'd be awesome to see at real circus like this!
baileymermaid95 chapter 27 . 5/4/2011
You could so write a sequel to this story! Pleasepleaseplease! Write a sequel to this story! I gave a few ideas if you need something to get you started, but PLEASE! You HAVE to write a sequel!
TaiyouRae chapter 27 . 4/18/2011
Sunechirei chapter 27 . 3/29/2011
Hm... what to say, what to say...


At the beginning, I was really interested in this story, wanting to know what it was about and how Axel and Roxas' relationship would fall into place, and it started out really, really, really good.


I don't want to sound rude at all, but by about the middle of this story, I was rather bored and irritated with it. It took me a while to figure out why, because it's not the writing, which is better than 90% of the stuff I've read on here, but I did figure it out.

First of all; it moved too quickly. Roxas and Axel's relationship was rather... um... sudden. It seemed to me that the two of them liked each other from day one, and even though it seems you tried to make their relationship grow, love doesn't happen in a week. It just doesn't. Also, the flow was a little off... I could never tell how long it had been between each little section. Like, when I thought it had been a couple of weeks, or even a few days, it had only been one or two days. Kinda annoying...

Second: You tried to hard to add humor. It's hard to write humor, I know... but the thing about it, is you shouldn't try at all to put it in there. If it goes in, it goes in. If it doesn't, well, you shouldn't force any. Otherwise, it just makes it frustrating to read. It also takes away from the story line.

Third: I thought this was supposed to be an AkuRoku fic? Why was there so much about Riku and Sora's relationship? I guess it doesn't help that I hate that pairing more than anything else in the world, and when the two of them "got together," so to speak, I kinda gave up on the story, but seriously? If you wanted to add a bit of their relationship in there, fine, but the majority of this story should be about Axel and Roxas. Otherwise, you shouldn't have any characters. People will come into this story expecting AkuRoku, and after they become a couple, what the get is RiSo. Kinda takes away from the story...

Fourth: This bugged me through the entire thing, but last time I checked, "of course" is two words, not one :P

Fifth:Changes in POV's. It was really hard to tell when a POV changed, or when there was a time skip. Not much else to say about that, but...

And finally, all of the characters were OOC. I know, I know, it was an AU, but even in an AU characters need to stay in character as much as possible without a warning. It just doesn't seem right to see Roxas act so quiet, spacey, and accepting, especially since this was written before 358/2 days came out. Same with Riku being all weird, and Kairi was waaaay OOC... I'm guessing you don't like her or something...

Buut, there weren't only bad things about this story :) I loved some of the quotes, especially Riku's when he's being all sarcastic and joking. They did make me laugh :P Also, it was a very good story idea XD I like the basic plot (Roxas falling in love with Axel who's a circus person and wanting to join), though parts of it were really aggravating.

Anyway, I know this was written like, five years ago, which is why I'm kinda just stating these things. I'm hoping that in five years you've improved on your writing skills, plot, and character development :P Trust me, I'm not flaming you. Everyone needs work on those things, especially new writers (me included) XD

You know what I'd like to see? A rewrite of this. Change it around a little bit (maybe get rid of the RiSo *hint hint* Nah, you can do what ever you want in your stories XD) and make it better :) I know I would love to read a rewrite, and I bet a bunch of other people would too, based on the number of reviews you've received XD

So, keep writing, good job overall with this story (not that bad of a read, and it was refreshing to see something that wasn't completely horrible on this site), and I hope you take into consideration what I've said :D

Best way for a writer to improve? Accept feedback yo!

pip chapter 27 . 3/22/2011
THIS WAS AWESOME! :D I love it! :D I couldn't comment because I was to hooked. :)
pip chapter 13 . 3/21/2011
Ohhhhh, this is nerve racking... Dang, I want to stay up 'till two reading this, but my school starts early and I have tests... D:
pip chapter 8 . 3/21/2011
He needs to become a circie! :D
pip chapter 6 . 3/21/2011
I just realized the last chapter is called, Time to Go... Ah, I hope that's good... Hehe! I love this!
pip chapter 4 . 3/21/2011
Fan girl scream time! :D
pip chapter 1 . 3/21/2011
This is addicting! :D
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