|Reviews for Mokushita Hyuuga|
| Guest chapter 43 . 3/28
| Hinatta chapter 1 . 3/15
Another long Hinata story!
I'll add this story to my Hinata Community
PM me to be staff or if you know of any others!
Look for it here: ...
| shinigamishane chapter 20 . 10/8/2014
I am tired of seeing so many erroneous terms being used. 'Pallet' is not synonymous with 'Bed'. A pallet is a makeshift bed from the middle ages placed at the end of a proper one, generally out of straw or a number of sheets. None of which a Hyuuga, missing-nin or not, wouldn't have in their house. Secondly, it is not 'Red Code', it is 'Code Red'.
| Ramrikai chapter 43 . 10/7/2014
An odd, but strangely satisfying place to end. Odd, because it ends before the second child is born. Satisfying, because I wouldn't even need a sequel to this, it's almost a perfect happily ever after. Well done, this story has taken me on an excellent ride.
| Ramrikai chapter 37 . 10/7/2014
It is about time. Gosh, I thought he would NEVER get his memories back! Now, how to break it to Hinata without hurting her immensely before she accepts his return?
| Ramrikai chapter 33 . 10/6/2014
"Ruining another life?" I assume that you mean the whole "Surprise, suckah! You're a baby daddy!" thing. Not how I would have said that. Having a child changes your life, but doesn't ruin it.
| Ramrikai chapter 17 . 10/6/2014
How?! How does no one recognize him?! Is everyone in denial?! It's so obvious! Sure he's a bit older, but, if anything, that should have people screaming that Minato has risen from the grave!
| Ramrikai chapter 16 . 10/6/2014
Yep. Hinata is definitely in denial. She must, subconsciously, know that it's Naruto, because I can't see her agreeing to go on a date with anyone else after having been with Naruto. I'm going to guess that something comes up at this meeting and one of them realizes who the other is.
| Ramrikai chapter 15 . 10/6/2014
I assume that Hinata fainted because she instinctively recognized Naruto at first glance. Why doesn't she still recognize him when she wakes up. Seriously, blond hair, blue eyes, scars on his face, is she in denial or something? Also I'm dropping "Katoki" completely as I am that certain that it's Naruto. That buzzing in his head is either Kurama, his old memories, or both.
Was the new Team 7 only together for a month or two?
| Ramrikai chapter 14 . 10/6/2014
First, going to admit that I read up through chapter 16 last night, so I was already almost convinced that Katoki is Naruto. I'm rereading because I felt like I was too tired last night to catch everything. Going through this chapter again, I am now certain that Katoki is Naruto. He has blue eyes, scratches the back of his head, fights unpredictably, has "scars" on his face, has a necklace that is important to him. Later on we are told he has blonde hair, and he memory loss after waking up covered in bandages. It's definitely Naruto.
Hinata hasn't visited Kouden in 3 years? Why would she even let him entertain the idea that she is dead? Seriously, does she have any maternal instincts at all?
| Ramrikai chapter 12 . 10/6/2014
About time we finally get the whole story. I remember early on, chapter 1 or 2, that Kouden said he didn't believe Naruto was dead. I think I agree with him. Kurama saved him from a chidori through the chest on the Sasuke retrieval arc. Compared to that, a clean sword strike is nothing. Kiba said there was no body, and the area smelled of blood and animals, but he didn't say what animals. He probably smelled fox.
Still don't get why Kouden can't know that "Kasumi" is his mother in disguise. He would understand and keep the secret.
| Ramrikai chapter 10 . 10/6/2014
I don't understand why Hinata has yet to let Kouden know that she is there. He is her 12-year-old son and her last direct connection to Naruto. I completely understand the slight heartache she still gets when looking on his familiar visage, but I just don't get how she can cut herself out of his life like this.
Akatsuki 2.0? Should be interesting.
| Maeahru chapter 43 . 7/2/2014
Great story! The concept was excellent and played out well as you wrote it. There were a few problems here and there but when the worst issue I had with the story was the lack of scene breaks... Yeah, well done.
I liked this story because: It was your idea, your story and you were able to write it with your plot in mind (i.e. not Akatsuki vs Naruto take 9,001). All the characters could be developed as you saw fit and you were able to have quite a bit of character development without losing the plot and plot without losing the characters.
I liked this story because: The plot was very understandable. I found it interesting you pretty much gave away the plot quite early. I like it when authors give enough hints so the 'surprise' or twist was at least potentially understandable in hindsight... you made your 'twist' a little to obvious and yet I was still intrigued on how the characters would develop-I think it worked because the plot was often more about character development than suspense, intrigue, war and plot twist 2000. While you didn't write the story with a lot of angst or anything, there were some definite times of sadness, love, joy, despair etc. Even 'minor' characters had a lot of character.
Things that could be developed: Grammar and spelling. While better than most there were still a few problems here and there. Nonetheless, I was able to re-read the few issues that did come up in my mind without getting bogged down.
Things that could be developed: Scene changes, time skips and other breaks. You often continued writing without any indication that you were switching characters, places or even timelines. A simple line _ or whatnot can easily indicate changes in characters and places while timelines sometimes require in-plot explanation of how much time has elapsed. Short of doing that a simple (3 months later) would often be acceptable.
Things that could be developed: Fight scenes and suspense were generally skipped or down-played. This may have been done on purpose (and it worked) as I mentioned earlier due to a focus on the character development...There were a couple scenes that were excellent though as well. I liked that you made it obvious some MIA characters were fine and yet killed a few while saving others from the hell of war-That part was very well done for plot suspense and reader suspense.
Anyways, I know I'm reading this years after you wrote it but thank you anyways for a great read!
| andyutd1999 chapter 43 . 3/31/2014
Excellent story and not an idea that I have come across before. 9.8/10 for me. Only lost the .2 for the odd spelling error (and these were extremely infrequent). I strongly recommend this story to anyone who likes naruhina
I look forward to reading the sequel.
| kandita chapter 43 . 3/16/2014
I am not at NaruHina fan all. But, I have to tip my hat to you. This is THE best Naruto/Hinata story I've read. It was consistent, and every chapter was just so in sync...