|Reviews for Pretty|
| ArkanianHyde chapter 1 . 11/5/2008
aw, cute. i like it. not fluffy, but shaggy.
| Sakura Kaoru-Chan chapter 1 . 9/6/2007
| Ridicully L chapter 1 . 6/25/2007
Aww, how cute! Did Misao paint Hanya's mask? (Correct me if my IQ is too low)
| Khrysalis chapter 1 . 11/23/2006
All right, Laddie. I'm about a week late (or technically much later depending on one's point of view) but I've grabbed a little time for some reviewing now.
First, I loved the little fluff-shot. This is a rarity. Not too many stories out there that spread out some of the strong ties and love in this little family of ninja-spy-misfits. When Misao had spoken of them, she had such affection for them, and I might have expected just such a moment among them.
I also enjoyed the spouts of humor. One of my particular favorites, "...pleading with stubborn children was not a skill taught to the Oniwabanshu spy. It ought to be."
Now, here is the point I'm going to try to be a bit helpful. I think the story might have looked and flowed a little better if it was in a smoother paragraph form, unless it was your direct intention to have it so cut up. Be that the case or not, you wove in and out of first and third person a good deal. I do see that the moments when Beshimi was narrating, it was in itallics, and the third person was not, but it still feels like it might have been best to have it first person all the way through. It's a bit difficult for the head to keep readusting the storytelling, aye?
Also the moments when it was Beshimi's point of view, sometimes you went from him telling the story to thinking. These parts were in bold, but if he was talking anyway, it might as well have continued without the strain. For example:
"I considered slinging her over my shoulder then, running top speed."
"To Aoshi, yea, that’s it. He’ll prob’ly punish her but at least she’ll be safe."
It might have come along less haltingly if it was (maybe):
"I considered slinging her over my shoulder then, running top speed. To Aoshi, yeah, that's it. He'd prob'ly punish her, but at least she'd be safe."
But that's just me. In the end it is, of course, only important that YOU like how it looks and feels.
The method of telling the story aside, I still loved all the vivid characterization. The budding personality that is Misao, the amusing list of enticements Beshimi tried to offer her to get away from there before Han'nya saw what had been done to his mask. And of course, it was very sweet when Han'nya accepts the mask back and agrees with Misao that it is pretty.
Very pretty indeed.
| Negotiatrix chapter 1 . 11/19/2006
That was awesome! Misao's babytalk was really cute, and well done. The dialogue worked well btw, though the alternating bold and italics had me a little confused at first.
My favorite thing was that I had no idea where you were going with this till I got to the end and I loved the surprise! This was fun to read!
| Naomi chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
This truly was a fascinating story exploring a some character who are usually relagated to the sidelines. Who doesn't love a little kid first of all...wonderfully adorable little brats are they. Sorry, i could not helo thinking of my own brother who is currently nine years old and his past exploits. The characterization for Misao as a toddler as well as Beshimi and Hennya (sp?). I think you did a wonderful job with the dialogue. the verbal words intermixed wih the the almost stream-of-conciousness style writing made it seem for in the moment. It was a bit confusing at first, but once you get used to the style it is actually quite clever. This is going on my favs list. i will rea dyour other stories after I convince myself to do Sociology.
| kokoronagomu chapter 1 . 11/3/2006
typical stubborn toddler... quite a unique and entertaining, well written story.
| Jaded Baby Blues chapter 1 . 10/30/2006
Misao's so cute here! Causing hell to everybody in the oniwabanshu! The "No!s" were the best! Little kids are always like that. My younger cousin, when he was about 4 always kept on saying "Huh?" whenever we asked him something. I hink he enjoyed that immnsely!
| monsoonblues chapter 1 . 10/19/2006
Weren't you just dreading a whole barrage of 'aww's when you wrote this? Okay okay, yes, very cute, childtalk, extremely endearing, dialogue, like you said, can be worked on, jumping between italics and bold font, I'm not too sure, his frantic thoughts, oh-so-amusing, overall...
PS: you hate me no don't you?
| lolo popoki chapter 1 . 10/10/2006
Hee! I'm really glad that you did decide to post this :D I told you it didn't suck :P Well, as before, I thought it was very cute. I really like the characterizations here; you handled them very well. And your dialogue was just fine! *hugs* Keep up the great work!
| TrisakAminawn chapter 1 . 10/10/2006
XD I could NOT figure out what had been coloured at first. That WAS adorable. Misao dyed Han'nya's mask...XD. That's great. And Beshimi was sure he was going to kill her.
| TricksterBoo chapter 1 . 10/8/2006
That was pretty funny! I liked it!
| pinoykengumi7 chapter 1 . 10/7/2006
Saleh, I hate to admit this, but, I'm really thick. It took me a few reads and also a peek at your reviews to get this. I'm sure it's only me though X_x
About the actual fic though, you used your words well and the tense was appropriate. Ehh... "Eyes large - shinning." I think you meant shining. Also, nearing the end, you wrote upto. I think it's meant to be up to? Apart from that, no other little mistakes that I picked up, but that's usual for you _v (Very good writer, Saleh!)
You portrayed Misao well - I can imagine her being quite stubborn as a little child, just like most children at her age. And I feel like that I'm analysing this too much, so, -blush- laters! Great job, and now that I can read it with understanding what it's about X.x, I'm enjoying it!
P.S - I am too lazy to sign into my account... brother's pc, you see.
| omasuoniwabanshi chapter 1 . 10/7/2006
Very cute! You do fluff well. Misao was adorable and realistically child-like, while Hanya was unexpectedly endearing. Poor Beshimi! He'll never volunteer to babysit ever again!
| gure chapter 1 . 10/7/2006
Ah, gotta love small, stubborn children. You've very nicely captured a young, mischievious Misao, and Beshimi's desperation over the situation is great. "I look around flailing, pleading with stubborn children was not a skill taught to the Oniwabanshu spy. It ought to be." As for dialogue, it's very well done. I like the layers of thoughts and speech. Kind of reminds me of stream-of-consciousness. Of course Hannya wouldn't be upset; he's much too fond of Misao. It's a wonder she wasn't ruined for life with all those people fawning over her as a small child. Good stuff!