|Reviews for Nocturnal Survivor: BtVS|
| banduraqueen chapter 5 . 10/25/2006
Still funny and all, I just thought I'd warn you that it seems you're slipping out of the character's voices. Example, Oz:
“Look, Buffy, I really hate to put you on the spot, but if I’ve heard correctly, this game is about kicking people off the island. I’m not so okay with that. Judging has never been my strong point, mostly because I just don’t really care, but I’m barely willing to send my friends, all of whom deserve the money more than I, home because of greed. ... I said barely willing. I’m still fixed on the idea that I’m going to win against you. But you’re really looking out for me here, making sure I don’t maim the general populous and make more of my curse. I guess I’m trying to say that I won’t be voting you off. As long as you’re still in the game, I won’t be voting for you.”
Not particularly out of voice, but you're slipping. Not as terse as Oz should be, and not as slangy as Buffy-speak. The grammer's too correct. Just a few tweaks and it would be perfect. So:
"Look, Buffy, I hate to put you on the spot here, but if I heard right, this game's about kicking people off the island. I’m not so okay with that. Judging's never been my forte. Mostly because I just don’t really care. Anyways, I’m barely willing to send my friends, who all deserve the money more than me, home because of greed. ... I said barely willing. I’m still fixed on the idea that I’m going to beat you. But you’re really looking out for me here, making sure I don’t maim the general populous and all. So, I guess I’m trying to say, as long as you’re still in the game, I won’t be voting you off.”
I don't want to be nitpicky, and all I-am-the-Buffy-speak-expert, but I really like this story. And one thing that consistently bugs me about fic is when writers write dialogue in their own voice instead of in the character's voice. And this story started out so perfectly in-voice. So it would be cool if it stayed that way.
Also, the dialogue is getting really explicit, in an "I'm-feeling-this-way-and-this-is-what-I'm-going-to-do-about-it-and-this-is-why" kind of way. Try leaving more to subtext, and what you do have characters say, try having them say it in fewer words.
“See, first you kill ‘em. Then you cook ‘em. And voila! You got yourself food.” Hee. I love that. Faith's down with the killin'.
And Cordy running screaming from flies... lol.
Um... why hasn't anyone gone in after Cordy and Riley yet?
| Quinni chapter 1 . 10/20/2006
brilliant. i'm on to chap 2. but a brilliant opener
| QuikSylver chapter 1 . 10/17/2006
Please update soon!
| QuikSylver chapter 3 . 10/14/2006
Hilarious - I hope you add more soon!
| Annabell Leigh chapter 3 . 10/14/2006
Oh, the subtle mockery! Great job
| pinkyblue-ice chapter 2 . 10/13/2006
lol um ok. update again soon please
| dollsom chapter 2 . 10/10/2006
Oh. My. GAWD!. This is freakin' AWESOME! Great idea, spot-on characterization, laughs-a-million. I love the tribes you put together. The dead hedgehog rocks. I can't wait to see how Angel's tribe is doing. I want more!
BTW, how's Angel going to lead if he has to stay in the shade all day?