P.P.S. And the whole of your tale is just borrowed from the legend of the Fisher King; but retold in a different fashion so it would fit with Narnia and her sovereigns.
- Brickit
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Seriously: *please* start writing again, it's wonderful!
- Aurorula

To Elecktrum the Scribe from Brikit of the Blue River Smithy (as channelled by Aurorula the bookworm):
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Wordblotter,
your stylish and fluffly purple prose does double and tripple duty to jury-rigg a narrative so riddled with plot holes that it resembles a sieve more than a story into something giving the superficial appearance of a coherent whole. Barely. At times you could even talk me into suspending my sheer disbelief of the events portrayed (which would be the times I was reading).
Do you honestly claim that there was not one flying creature both willing and strong enough to carry the High King for a few days in a dire emergency in all the realm of Narnia? Or even several if one would not put up with the drag for all the journey?
Even if the Great Lion could not break the curse (as otherwise there would not even BE a story), having a Narnian horse sprout wings at His word is a different matter entirely. And don't tell me things do not happen the same way twice: plenty of things do in fact repeat (people sit on chairs all the time!) and are in no way singular.
And even granted that the Son of Adam was too much of a load - couldn't any flying messenger beast carry the little shrimp of a Queen's cordial out to Lantern Waste as soon as her big brother was found in his sorry state instead of having half the castle troop out there with the urgent cordial being carried by the slowest of them all?
And what of that flying horse the errant king met and even rode on during his journey: couldn't it at least have carried him back to Cair Paravel with the apple and have saved my favorite king half the time of agony even if Peter returning to Philipp on the flying steed and then getting Philipp back home would still have been its own advenure after the first quest was completed? Instead the pegasus is relegated to a flighty footnote...
Speaking of characters becoming footnotes: every time I got attached to a new character you introduced, they simply disappeared like a boy going upstairs to fetch a ball and never returning! That nice ship master's son sailed off into the storm without sending so much as a letter or having one sent to him in Galma; and the Tibbs kittens didn't even get the onscreen chance to deliver their thanks for being saved from a muddy grave or even check to see that their rescuer was alright after nearly paying for that rescue with his life. Were they just supposed to take the grownups at their word that everything was now okay? Witnessing that curse in action probably gave the poor little fluffballs nightmares of their own!
And the Great Lion Himself ... babysitting?!
It was at that point where I concluded that I enjoyed your convoluted tale *immensely* and that I sincerely hope you will resume cobbling together further warped word salads just like it to insult your readers literary senses with!
Yours almost affectionately, Brickit
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P.S. ... and the most common way people permanently move into a chapel is if they die and are burried there; which I thought was the whole plot of the story to avoid!

I don’t know if you still check this account, but I’ve been reading your Chronicles of Narnia fics one a year or so since they were published. You did such an amazing job expanding on these stories!

Can you please make a story where Rhye meets Aslan? That would be so cool! I love this story!

And the chapter title was perfect too! I forgot to mention that. 'swatting flies' hee hee hee!

Whee, some of my favorite moments are when one of the kings or queens tells some suitor off because of something like being rude and thinking that the girls are bartering pieces of property, basically. It made me laugh, what Ed said here. Nice. :) :D

I love this series for the excellent writing and the struggles that Peter and Edmund go through. It all seems relatively believable, and as far as fanfiction goes this is one that I can imagine fitting into canon. I don't agree with the portrayal of Aslan in comparison to CS Lewis' works, however, as in this story he is consistently portrayed as a cuddly, helpless, ordinary lion who is incapable of handling his own creation. Someone who has overcome death should logically continue to hold that control, and not left wondering how and why everything is falling apart. However, since these faults were added to Aslan's character for the sake of a more drama storyline, I can try to ignore them as long as I skip all the parts where he is making excuses to Edmund. I can't see him as being Aslan, though... maybe Mufasa from the Lion King. All the same, I continue to enjoy reading this from Edmund's perspective. The details of the wound and Edmund's slow decline in health are well written and realistic, which is difficult to find in any fanfiction. His bravado and determination is well portrayed. You do all four Pevinsies justice in this story and the plot flows smoothly, keeping me spellbound. Excellent job.

So, it seems I'm learning more about classical English poetry from readers' comments here than I ever learnt back when I was at school. Not that I would be able to read Milton in original back when I was at school, though. I'm rereading this magnificent story now, and when I read it for the first time I was wondering where the title comes from. So, thank you for enlightening me :)

ohh! Absolutely thrilling ending. It felt so right, so good after all the heartache and agony they've endured. Absolutely brilliant; the characters and plots are believable (you wrote Jadis especially well); Oreius in his tender concern and fatherlike care (and pushing the boys to be stronger and faster); Martil and Silvo bustling about, Susan the Gentle, refined, elegant, quieter - yet still fierce in her love and support; Lucy - written for her age, bouncing around, loving extravagantly - I especially liked Aslan's presence for a significant amount of time in this story - a rock to them all.

Well done indeed!

-xCAP

Great work! Love it :)

Dang, I loved this chapter! I went absolutely giddy after midnight passes and I loved active Edmund. I read a lot of that out loud just to get a feel of it!

I've read this fic a few years ago, and a lot of the others you wrote, like Black Dwarf, Blue River and Into the West, and they've always been my favourite Chronicles of Narnia fanfics. I don't think I ever commented on them, the first time. But a month ago nostalgia hit me and I came back to read this. And I still love it. I love Edmund so much and seeing everything from his point of view makes me so happy, you write him so well. And his relationship with Peter, Susan and Lucy warms my heart, as does Aslan. You just manage to write them all in a way that hits me right in my feelings.
I love how you've expanded on the world C.S. Lewis created, but in a way that nothing feels out of place. And your writing is lovely.
So this serves as a comment more on all your work and not just this fic (even though this is my favourite one) and since this was the last chapter I've reread (I have been reading Into the West and They Also Serve in paralell). Unfortunately I haven't been able to keep on rereading your stuff since real life got in a way and I'm busy now, but I didn't want to miss the chance to thank you for writing such good stories. And hopefully next month I'll be able to come back and enjoy your writing once more.

So i read Into the West a bit ago, and I loved this companion piece just as much, if not more. It had less of the feel of one of those ancient epic tales of adventure, but it had just as much heart and wisdom and strength. Also humor. I found myself giggling uncontrollably several times. I love your sense of humor. I love how silly and beautifully ridiculous things can get with the variety of people that Narnia provides. Like that doe that had a crush on Oreius. Through this story I came to love all the characters so much more, especially Edmund. i love how he grew and learned throughout his ordeal, and I enjoyed reading his side of the journey, and how he and Peter were connected through it. Thank you for everything. Next I shall read your one about the Black Dwarves and Edmund learning how to be a smithy, but for now I must go to bed.

enjoyed the parallel story. :D
surely Phillip's wrangling that promise from the Dogs requires payback, right? how does Edmund get revenge for the Dog's plague?

I just wanted to say how much I've loved this story. Along with Into the West, it is my absolute favorite fanfiction I have ever read, and I have read a lot. I love how all your stories fit together and reference events from other stories and how you've created your own version of Narnia and Cair Paravel. This is one of those stories that I go back to over and over again and it never gets old. Each time I go back to this or Into the West it's like revisiting the magic of the first read all over again. You put so much effort into all your stories, and it really comes through in your writing. You got everything perfectly, from Edmund to Philip to Peter to Aslan to Susan and Lucy. I especially liked the Dogs following all the horses around! Thank you so much for such amazing stories.