|Reviews for Naruto's Birthday|
| REVIEW chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
ok i do not get it this is the 5th story i find in which naruto is gay. I understand that naruto and saske Accidentally kiss on the 2nd episode but Seriously Naruto is not gay
Its said in the actual manga Naruto has a chrush on SAKURA Not Saske
I just don't get it
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/25/2012
I don't think I've ever read a story as OOC as that! Eh it was really good anyways!
| Sorrowful Cheshire chapter 1 . 1/17/2011
| FlyingTackle chapter 1 . 4/28/2007
My, my, where to start? I guess I should start by apologizing in advance. I respect that you are a budding author who asks for constructive criticism, though in entirely the wrong way. I'm just afraid that some of the things I'm going to tell you might be a blow to your confidence-I know they would be to mine. Please just take my criticism realistically, and don't by any means think that anything I say means that you shouldn't keep writing, especially if it's what you love (though I don't know how important it is to you...). So, here we go!
1. Flames are NEVER helpful. A flame is ONLY defined as someone telling you that you're stupid and they hate you. They are written by dumb people who hae nothing better to do than try to hurt the feelings of those who try. If you, in your words, want people to tell you what it wrong and what they want to be changed, then you should be asking for constructive criticism. I repeat, flames are absolutely NEVER helpful, so don't ask for them, ok?
2. It is very important that you don't add your own thoughts into the story; it does an excellent job of piercing the mood like a needle through a filled balloon. Example: 'I'm trying to bake Naru-chan a cake.' (That was thinking). That is a BIG no-no when it comes to writing. Alternatives would include putting the words in italics, which often refer to a person's thoughts. Another way would be to simply put, I'm trying to bake Naru-chan a cake, I thought. In either case you would not use a single or double quote. If you were really pleased with it the way it is, then you should simply remove the statement in parentheses. They are not necessary as they are in single quotes, and the dialogue in your story is in double quotes. The difference will specify that speech is not occurring there. There were things similar to this throughout the story, but I think it would be quite rude to assume that you could'nt find them for yourself; in fact it would be very condescending.
Whoo, now onto the actual mistakes I found in your story.
3. Naruto technically has six scars; three on each cheek. Sorry, but I found that a very noticable error.
4. It was indeed VERY ooc. Fortunately you have that right, considering that you're writing a fanfiction. The only thing is that I found one part, figuratively speaking, "ooc" for people in general. If Sasuke and Naruto just "realized their feelings", your story definitely creates far too innocent a mood for you to just suddenly transition to the two going...so far.
There were numerous spelling and grammatical errors, but, again, I feel that it would appear condescending for me to point them all out to you (not to mention all the time I've spent already...hee hee ). It was likely to be merely because you neglected to run a spell/grammar check before posting. Um, I also thought, in my humble opinion, that exclamation points were quite overused. You did, however, create dialogue perfectly. you should be proud of that; surprisingly enough, probably only roughly half of the writers on here have that skill at best.
I really respect you for not being afraid to go out on a limb. I'm so sorry for this review, it probably sounds like I'm talking to you like I think I'm so much better! I really don't think that, all humans are equals, right? Besides, I would have no grounds with such an opinion; I don't know you personally after all.
Anywhoo...I really do hope that this was helpful. Maybe we could talk sometime? See ya!
| Ripuku chapter 1 . 3/28/2007
aww... so cute! *looks around to look for teacher* I have to make this quick cuz i'm in class, but...
OMG! SO FREAKING CUTE!
i promise ot message ya as soon as i get free time! -_-
| Reifa chapter 1 . 3/13/2007
Cute story idea, but the characters were WAY OOC...
| Mantinas chapter 1 . 12/11/2006
LOL! Great story!
| yuuram chapter 1 . 10/14/2006
me and my friends joke about that all the time.
"kris hurry up and get a boyfriend"
and she is like:
" When im limping you'll know!"
| Doggy-Yasha chapter 1 . 10/12/2006
haha nice i likey
| AgniDragon chapter 1 . 10/12/2006
Get yr POVs straight. That was Sasuke's POV not Normal POV. Normal POV is always 3rd person.
| Kita Fuji chapter 1 . 10/12/2006
Aw...( five min later)w
| Hikory chapter 1 . 10/12/2006
LOL figures they would do that the very night they get together.I'd hate to think of sakura's reaction when she finds out why naruto's limping.
| takuya chapter 1 . 10/12/2006
aww thats so sweet _
| Wing of Darkness chapter 1 . 10/12/2006
Hey! That was quite short but I know OUR Naru-chan will fully appreciate it!...it's nice...next time give him a greater gift(u know wat I mean...)/txt writing/
| Carazon chapter 1 . 10/11/2006
crack-fic maybe XD I liked it. Your writing style will improve the more you write. No problem for being late, I was late with my Naruto birthday story. Yes they were extremely OOC but no problem .