|Reviews for Unlucky boys|
| MiScHeViOuS.fAiRy63 chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
I thought that was so hilariously romantic!
| ShadowBack chapter 1 . 10/18/2006
It's an awesome story! I wonder how they'll spend their time later on lol! She had taken one of the longest way to her aim though! The song fits her journey very well!
Keep up the great work !
| ClubSauce chapter 1 . 10/15/2006
if you didnt catch the type, temari didnt kiss him sasuke on the cheek, she slapped him. great job on the story! but i have a question. at the end, what did she try to do again, kiss him or hit him?
| Canoline chapter 1 . 10/15/2006
Bon, eh bien comme promis, rewiewons rewiewons...
IN ENGLISH PLEASE, YOU LAZY GIRL !
How Troublesome, ok, let's do it in english, though I already did too much yesterday during my oral test...
So let's say that this fic is completely CRAZY and CUTE, I just LOVE it?A S ALWAYS... If I had been you, I would have had Shikamaru kick a guy's ass (Sasuke) because it didn't please him to see Temari kiss him even on the cheek ! That would have been quite conventionnal of course, I admit it biyt it would have been so cute !
But WHO made the music become romantic (the author -you- does not count) ? Some rueful guy or Gaara who decided to make things clear between his sister and MY Shika-kun ? Or somebody else ? Mystery mystery...
I KNOW I KNOW ! Thats is Shikamaru's father !
Just kidding, guys...
Bang ! Bang ! Strike hard Temari, you're the best, since you're me... Ah ah ah poor dear Shikamaru he's not going to live long with me, but you know he loves me so much, I can't help it, nor oblige him to go away.
Seriously : even though it's your firts song fic, it's quite well-rounded up, and well-written. You manage quite well in integrating the lyrics of the song to your story, that's a good point. The only problem with it is that you always write very short sentences, most of the time, it's a bit easy, sis, don't yout think ? Even if it's ok in this case (I can't imagine Shikamaru thinking too long and too complicatedly, I'm afraid), it's a bit easy ! SO...
You're going to STRETCH your sentences, little sis ! Make them longer, ok ? It'll be some kind of style exercise... Take care, I'll check next time you xrite a oneshot !
Otherwise, I LOVE it...
But I think I've already said that, so I stop, you know the implied things that follow, I guess...
A little effort, girl, and it'll be perfect : you really imagine tricky situation, I pity the poor characters you torture, that'sjust so awful !
Yet so FUNNY !
Keep going, that's great !
| almostinsane chapter 1 . 10/13/2006
Great story! This was very well-written! God bless!
| Crystal Jaganshi chapter 1 . 10/13/2006
Aww, that was cute. you're english is fine.