|Reviews for Immortal|
| rajvir chapter 1 . 1/23/2011
This is a very good story I hope you continue it.
| BetaGuy chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
I'd like to see a lot more of this.
| I'S Watcher chapter 1 . 3/2/2010
I'm gonna put this on story alert. I doubt it'll ever be updated but, hey, nice story you have here.
| mydog888 chapter 1 . 3/28/2009
| Seggy chapter 1 . 1/3/2009
So you mean to say that the trunk exploded in a show of wandless magic near the end?
| lnorganic Angel chapter 1 . 1/1/2009
Hi, Lutris! Straight up, your fight scene was too wordy. Not in dialogue, but in description. It reminded me oddly of Lovecraft's earlier work. Moving on, you really need to try and keep it in mind for the future, as I could barely connect with your story at that point. Which is strange by the way, as I quite enjoy a well-phrased, descriptive battle.
The only error I found was: "Harry was powerfully thrown several meters forward; he felt as if a bulldozer had run over him several times, and then had a stampede of large bovines charge over his ribs."
You used the word 'several' twice, in quite close proximity to the other. It's annoying and breaks the flow of the story for me. Also, just on that paragraph alone - it's too clinical. I really don't think Harry feels that way at all, which is most likely the problem I have with the rest of the fight scene.
Everything else is great though. I quite enjoy your characters interactions, and the world was built splendidly.
| what are you even saying chapter 1 . 11/17/2008
Good god, you're only fifteen? Already writing far better than I can. This is a superb start. And if Crouching Lion is anything like it, I'll have to give that a shot as well.
Looking forward to more.
| BrokenMe chapter 1 . 1/13/2008
MAKE HARRY EVIL! Can this be Slash, maybe LVHP TRHP which stands for Lord Voldemort x Harry Potter and Tom Riddle x Harry Potter
| Snoppy0160 chapter 1 . 12/26/2007
| yllom21 chapter 1 . 10/11/2007
Very interesting beginning to an excellent looking story. I wonder how these changes will change the story.
| Ppsh chapter 1 . 7/16/2007
Lol that "Get stronger...get stronger" thing made me laugh a lot for some reason. But anyway, pretty good start, update soon please.
| He Who Rules With an Iron Hoof chapter 1 . 7/14/2007
| mnbvcxzasdfghjklpoiuytrewq chapter 1 . 7/11/2007
| Jack chapter 1 . 7/11/2007
Yo nice story wud follow it more but it seems to be left forgot for da dust to collect on it cuz u havent updated in a wile. tho if u ave gimee a buzz mate.
| Olaf74 chapter 1 . 5/9/2007
Brilliant. Absolutely Brilliant. Please continue it very soon!