|Reviews for Path Abandoned|
| machievelli chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
Supposed to have been posted 22 July 2012, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. My computer went down again in June of 2012 with a virus. Then in late November kotorfanmedia went down for reasons unknown, so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. I had waited for it to revive, but you on deserve your reviews.
KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk bound for Kashyyk: Revan has an idea, and the beginning of a proposal
The piece is a well written piece that suggests why she chose Canderous to later become Manda'lor. The only problem I had with it is the idea that the entire Mando'a race is nothing more than an unattended classroom in a school.
| I am no longer available chapter 1 . 10/19/2006
Great line but also illustrative of a bit of a problem in this story: “No, you are just imagining things,” Canderous brushed her off. “I’ve got some things I need to do, so, go away.”
The dialogue part works nice, and is consistent with and builds up your Canderous. but the :Canderous brushed her off: part doesn't work, because it's telling rather than showing. That's something that occurs in other places here.
Another line I liked by Canderous: “Since the defeat of Mandalore. Look, are you going to continue to annoy me? Because this will end in bloodshed.”
I like the overall atmosphere, but there are some sudden shifts here and there that ruin the flow. She's flirting with him, then she's hot on Carth. She's cool, making large sexual innuendos and so on, and then she's blushing and losing her tongue at one slip re/ Carth.
| Trillian4210 chapter 1 . 10/17/2006
Nice. Short, sweet, to the point.
“Since the defeat of Mandalore. Look, are you going to continue to annoy me? Because this will end in bloodshed.”
I like how you kept him gruff but not shut down enough that there was no dialogue. It could easily have been an exercise in him rebuffing her but it wasn't. It had some meat and was nice and clean. Well done!
| Dante-Raven chapter 1 . 10/17/2006
Short, sweet and to the point. It's very different, in that you address the problem almost immediately, using more dialogue than description. What I enjoyed about this is how you quickly pick up Canderous' character doing what he normally does: prepare for the next battle. In the process of that, you make us quickly aware of what's bothering him, and that through his life, he's got the ability to know what a Mandalorian really is and he can't help but watch as the remnants of the Clans begin to claw out meager lives for themselves. It really makes his character more noble, if anything could be said for the 'cuddly Mandalorian.' Good job, I look forward to more of your works.
| PadawanMage chapter 1 . 10/16/2006
Nice way to turn Canderous towards reuniting the clans.
'Cuddly Mandalorian' - *snort* Sounds like a mixed drink. ;-)
| Lossefalme chapter 1 . 10/16/2006
Hee hee. I like the conversation and the interaction between Lianna and Canderous. I like how you made Lianna bring up the point that the Mandalorians just need a leader to direct them here. It's a good way to start Canderous in the direction he takes after the whole Battle for the Star Forge thing is over. Good job!
And good luck!
| Kendoka Girl chapter 1 . 10/16/2006
I could just hear Canderous say, "Yah, whadya want?"
“Worried?” Canderous scoffed. “Sister, if there is anybody you should worry about, try Captain Revenge Kick or Princess Tight Ass… Heck, even the furball has been shuffling around nervously since we announced that we were heading for his home planet.”
That was a great line!
Wonderful characterization of Canderous' angstsy side and the duet was excellent. I loved how you shifted the dialog easily from angst to playful banter and back.
Very well done!
| lOngshotOR chapter 1 . 10/16/2006
First off, I think the writing of Canderous was perfect. Best I've ever seen. You captured the raw Mandalorian side of him, but also a side he MUST have somewhere, yet I've yet to see it anywhere else. Excellent writing.
| Auros Sopherai chapter 1 . 10/16/2006
I saw a lot of puns and chuckled. " Look, are you going to continue to annoy me? Because this will end in bloodshed." IMO that was the best. Good old Candy. I love how light-hearted this was. I mean she started by asking if he was cuddly, can't get much better than that! Random little side note, did you know Lianna means 'because' in Arabic.
| Rian Sage chapter 1 . 10/16/2006
I like the flirting between the two. Makes me wonder how playful it really was. Especially when he clarified it was her he was helping. I found Canderous to be very much in character.
| Inactive Account 2010 chapter 1 . 10/16/2006
"Captain Revenge Kick or Princess Tight Ass" - LOVE
I really enjoyed the banter between the two in this, plus anyhting with Canderous in it makes me squee anyway.