|Reviews for Jayk's Gift|
| Retepblue chapter 2 . 3/21
Nice story please continue it
| akiza50 chapter 1 . 5/22/2009
Nice, I like it.
Things aren't OOC...but they're ur own creations so how would I know? )
Pretty funny! I been giggling about it!
Like your charcters!
| FreezeBlade chapter 2 . 10/20/2006
A trainer who has failed every subject but graduated pretty well, got the 3 Shinou starters who can talk and Jayk can hear them talking, yeah this guy is a definate Mary-sue.
Description is also very tacky even at it's best like Taillow, you introduce a Taillow and I can't invision what it would look like, description for your main characters is also tacky. You left out their skin color, height so flesh out that into when your describing them please.
You've also forgot about indenting which means when starting a new paragraph you space the first word 5 SPACES!
Sorry but this was flat and meh to me, so please go ahead and improve any day now.
| marco2050 chapter 2 . 10/19/2006
Okay, it's clearer now, but it's something that you need to do consistently, not a short chapter to 'clear things up', so to speak.
Actually, I'm still confused. Jayk's on a Pokemon journey to be a trainer, right? So why is he still stuck with chores like sweeping the dining floor?
And I'm still looking at 'Chickorita'.
| marco2050 chapter 1 . 10/17/2006
Yeah, you're probably the first to start using the Shinou Pokémon, but aren't you gonna wait until they get English names before you start to use them? And lots of stories have these 'I can talk to Pokémon!' thing already, from what I've read.
A bit brief in terms of description. By the tenth or so paragraph, I lost track of where everyone was. Everyone was walking in white space until the Growlithe and Houndour appeared. More description, even describing the road, the trees by the road... anything would be better than nothing.
It started off quite promising, though. You should have three or four lines of words per paragraph (at the very least) for most of your paragraphs.
Some mistakes for Pokemon names: Rattata, not Ratata. Chikorita, not Chickorita. Something that can be avoided by bookmarking an online Pokedex, or keeping your GB/GBA/DS at hand.
Speaking of which, having three starters and capturing two in your first chapter is not the best of idea... Obviously you want Jayk to capture those Pokemon, but it's a bit early into the story, isn't it? I mean, trainers don't catch anything more than Pidgeys into their first few minutes, and certainly not something as high-level as Growlithe and Houndour. Pochama doesn't learn Bubblebeam until level twenty-two.
In short, you can do with a bit of work to describe the scenery etc. Accurate information dealing with Pokémon is also a must. Has the potential to improve, so good luck for the next chapter.
| Star Holder Commander chapter 1 . 10/16/2006
what a story, you have done very well with this, keep it up.