Reviews for Weight of the World
HughJackmanFan chapter 2 . 10/27/2006
whoa, like it and next chapter please
M for Mystery chapter 2 . 10/26/2006
Interesting story! Just one suggestion, start a new paragraph when a new person talks becuase sometimes it gets really confusing.
Lady Wednesday chapter 2 . 10/25/2006
How horrible! I bet it's that bitchy house keeper!
Spaztic Arwen chapter 2 . 10/25/2006
now that's what i meant by creative exposition! the newscast was a great touch.

One gramatical tip. Start a new paragraph each time the diologe changes speekers. It reads easier.
Spaztic Arwen chapter 1 . 10/19/2006
Not the most well written thing, but it caught and kept my interest; a hard thing to do these days with every other fic filled with clichés. I'd suggest getting a beta. Also, try to be craftier with your exposition. Don't just say your character's history outright. Work it in with dialoged, or indirect hints. Treat her history as if she and the reader were just becoming acquainted. Share only things that she would someone she just met. Then, as the story goes on, let us get to know her.

I'd be happy to help you with this story if you'd like. I like the sound of it. If you do want my help, i'll warn you that i tend to be a bit critical, but I'd only do it in the interest of helping you make a better story. Send me a reply if you'd like my help, if not, that’s ok. I can’t wait for the next chapter
Fortune Zyne chapter 1 . 10/19/2006
I like the names you chose for the boy and girl!
HughJackmanFan chapter 1 . 10/19/2006
problems? Maybe come the count back?

a revenege?

yes, good stuff and hoping next chapter
22 | « Prev Page 1 2