Reviews for Harry Potter and the Sapphire Princess
vampxpirate chapter 10 . 7/17/2009
say what?
xSecondStarToTheRightx chapter 9 . 6/13/2008
Great chapter! I hope that both Ron & Sam get on the team!
meeshwuu chapter 8 . 9/5/2007
ooh. popular i see, within the slytherins too. xD

update soon please
usedupsoul chapter 7 . 7/20/2007
Aurorawhisperwind chapter 5 . 7/12/2007
uh... I'm not in a very kind mood, so let me just say this straight. It is a bloody Mary-sue saga. Please god, enough! We have enough of the princesses who are so beautiful and so boring. Your grammer is average at best. People are completely OOC and it's painful to read more. Discontinue for god's sake, you can't improve this.
MysticalMagery chapter 7 . 7/9/2007
no draco is such a jerk besides that it was awsome so keep writing
rockstarholmes90 chapter 7 . 4/3/2007
hey better uddate soon it's been a while but its greaat cant wait to read more i usually dont read story with names and people i dont know about but this is great \

arelissa chapter 7 . 3/25/2007
nice story, update soon!
Rachel chapter 7 . 3/25/2007
Finish it fast! Watch out in some spots like when harry was saying he had to go through a million wands, you need to fix some grammer.
Really Bad Fanfiction chapter 1 . 3/25/2007
See above.
RonWeasleyLove chapter 3 . 3/2/2007
good chappie. i'm so sorry i haven't reviewed in forever and a day! i feel so guilty! lol. anyways, great chappie. oh, do i hate those malfoys! bye!
SuGaRLiLy chapter 2 . 2/15/2007
Ok I've only managed to plow through the first two chapters, but I feel like I ought to give you some constructive criticism before I attempt to go further. Also, before I start this, I'm just going to come out into the open and say that I am not the most fun reviewer on the planet, because I tend to tell people the opposite of what they usually want to hear. However, just remember that everything of what I say is constructive criticism and that it is your decision as to what to do with it. If you want to ignore it, fine by me.

First of all, I think you should spend A LOT less time describing what Sam is wearing, how good she is at doing her makeup, and how pretty she is, to actually tell your readers something about her. This is what will make her relatable to your audience. Tell us something about her that's not so perfect. Does she bite her nails? Pick split ends out of her hair? Does she have the annoying habit of interrupting people in the middle of a sentence? Does she snore? These little quirks are what make a character interesting to your readers. Right now, I can't say that I know anyone like Sam.

Also, proofread, Proofread, PROOFREAD. There were so, so many typographical errors in just these two chapters. You'd really improve the appearance and presentation of your story simply by checking for common errors.

I also noticed that some of your sentences were run-ons. If you don't know what this is, a run-on sentence is when two sentences are combined and lack proper separation, capitalization, or punctuation.


Run-On Sentence: The cat jumped over the fence the dog chased the cat.

Normal Sentence: The cat jumped over the fence. The dog chased the cat.

Also, always start a new paragraph when a character, other than the one already talking, starts to speak. For example, you wrote:

"“Ron.” Sam said meekly. “I have a confession to make, it’s a little embarrassing.” “What is it?” Ron asked completely surprised she was confiding in him."

When you should have written:

"Ron," Sam said meekly, "I have a confession to make; it's a little embarrassing."

"What is it?" Ron asked, completely surprised that she was confiding in him.

Little things like this are easy to fix and greatly improve the cohesiveness of your work as a whole. I hope I'm not coming off as overly-critical. I just think that if you incorporated these points into your writing, your piece would be much more functional.

Happy Writing!
meeshwuu chapter 6 . 2/14/2007
RonWeasleyLove chapter 2 . 1/18/2007
I really like this story so far, and i would have read the last 3 chappies now but unfortunaly i have to do Homework, so expect another review from me soon!
Rita X. Dragon chapter 5 . 11/23/2006
that was really cool. hope you update soon! _
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