|Reviews for Merry Christmas Eve|
| wingsxforxmarie chapter 1 . 11/25/2006
Needs ALOT of work. Not enough detail, your sentences make you sound like a third grader, and none of them were in character, except maybe Lorelai. The ending was way too corny, with the whole proposal thing. And the gift, were they supposed to be pregnancy tests, because that is just wya too weird. This story needs a lot of work, although if you improve the bulk of your writing, you could maybe be an okay writer.
| kaypgirl chapter 1 . 11/8/2006
It's okay, but I just dont' like lorelai and chris. I'm such a javajunkie fan.
| autumn brights chapter 1 . 10/26/2006
This was an okay oneshot...but there were some corrections I made. First of all, your writing seems a bit immature. For example:
"She walked into the market, and took her hood down. She walked down the aisle and picked up three packages. She went to the counter and paid then headed back to the apartment. She walked into the living room and turned on the Christmas tree lights."
You used the word "She" three times in a row to start each sentence and used "she walked" twice.
I dunno, it seems a little too simple, stiff, and even a little out of character too. Everything's too scripted. It takes away the comfortable feeling the characters should have.
"“Gimme a minute.” Rory nodded and he walked to their bedroom.
“He’ll be back in a minute and then we can open gifts.”"
You didn't need to have Rory say that. Very unnecessary, awkward, and strange.
98% OF THE SENTENCES ARE ALL SIMPLE! Instead of "“Me too. It is nice to visit New York. Your mom is happy to be here.”" write "Me too. It's nice to visit a scenic city like New York, and your mom seems to be really excited about coming here."
Honestly, get a really REALLY good BETA to read over your stories next time. Everything seemed awkward, like a couple of bad actors reading off a script for the first time. This may seem harsh, but I'm just trying to give you pointers/corrections.
Message me/email me if you need any more help.
| Miss Sirius chapter 1 . 10/26/2006
Aw I thought it was cute! Christmas makes for such good romance! :D
| lostinthemoonlight chapter 1 . 10/26/2006
aw! i it! please write another chpt. if yuo want i mean. lol. keep it up.
| Curley-Q chapter 1 . 10/26/2006
I love the gifts for Rory and Jess! Plewase continue
| The Superior Critic chapter 1 . 10/26/2006
Completely flavorless. Work on your technique and develop a writing style with emotion. Flair is always a good thing.
| gilmoregrly4life chapter 1 . 10/26/2006
AWW! Adorable. The ending was wierd, but not bad.