|Reviews for Lost In Love|
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/25
| bluewitch chapter 4 . 7/2/2008
It's been a while... Aren't you going to update it? Please do...
| bluewitch chapter 1 . 5/14/2008
when will be the next update...?
| savannah chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
darnit the stor
| Miko-Chi chapter 1 . 2/23/2007
gogogogogogogogogog faster upload n
GONG XI FA CAI TO u TOO!
| cici chapter 4 . 1/14/2007
COOLIO NICE CLIFF HANGER!
| celestial lelila chapter 4 . 12/9/2006
haru, ranma's brother, eh? that's a bit unexpected. y is that akane's happy to see him? why doesn't nabiki remember him? why didn't ranma recognize him? where has he been for the past decade? i'm very interested to see the story behind that.
i like what u've got so far, but there's 2 things-the switching of the pov's is a bit too much, and it all seems over dramatic. i figure u're trying to draw out the suspense of it, but the pov switching and the shortness of the chapters cut out any chance of the suspense doing its job so emotions just seem drawn out and over done. such as ranma when he sees akane on the stretcher. since when did he learn to talk like that? he's no slouch when it comes to speech but he's no literary genius either. try adding more description to the characters and the scene. what exactly happened to akane in the school yard? all we got was that she's hurt by some thugs and they had whips, and that's it. she's a martial artist, did she fight back? did she have any help? what r they doing?
don't think i'm knocking what u got. i like it but i just think it needs a lil more work. i think u could really have a great story. i'll be interested in the next chapter.
| thames chapter 1 . 12/7/2006
I don't understand this one.
| Miko-Chi chapter 4 . 12/5/2006
wait..waitwaitwait..well...eerrmm..well..i'm blur a bit but i don reli get genma n nabiki's pov..was genma hit by sumone? who was nabiki talking too? i'm so blurr...but i like ur storysuspense is in there hehe keep it up n continue to upload!
| SG1 FMA DC chapter 4 . 12/4/2006
| thereviewergirl chapter 4 . 12/3/2006
“Pleased to meet you, Saotome Ranma. I’m Saotome Haru, your brother.”
that was quite unexpected... but wonderful nonetheless! you have a great thing going on here... is akane really in love with haru? or is it like the thing she had for tofu or something? gosh... this is rXa right? what's gonna happen next? how will akane react? how will ranma react? please update soon! :p
| ranma girl 14 chapter 4 . 12/3/2006
dun dun dun,quite shocking,wonder why he seems mad at Ranma? plz plz update soon _
| Miko-Chi chapter 3 . 11/16/2006
hi zarrah! here's another review for u! u grammar is just the best for me! especially chap.2 which i find it rather interesting as ranma realises his mistake and kuno being a nice guy for once! Go on and update!
| Mu-Tzu Saotome chapter 3 . 11/6/2006
Well, I'm reviewing from chapter 3 because, honestly, 1803 words are not so difficult to remember, or worth to split them up in three parts, for that matter. So first of all, doing large chapters can be quite boring for some readers but, those who want something good out of a story, and therefore leave good reviews behind, usually like larger chapters. In fact, more than a chapter, you seem to post scenes, acts. Chapters have more than one or two scenes.
Ok, first you have this romantic scene, some taints of fannon already appearing with that "They were not fighting for once", but it is a good portion. I have to say, I like this kind of writing, but that doesn't mean I'm going to appraise your story like that. So, one thing is missing in this paragraph: How long from the end of the manga? It's the day after, or are they going to their final day in Furinkan? Backstory, the safest place for an author (and the reader). Then, Shampoo and everything going wrong: just like the manga, so good point. How Ranma's mind works is also something that it's well done.
Then, Akane's been attacked in what, a minute or two, and in the middle of a lot of people. So, a cliffhanger there. I don't know why because, in fact, six words from Ranma and ten from Shampoo are little less than impressing, or something to think about. I think the Quixote has more, but I'm not sure... Come on, there can't be development if people don't talk.
Next "chapter", and you change to Ranma's point of view. Bad move. You're going to do a serious story, stick with a format. It confuses the reader, something you only want to do a few times, and by other ways. I see you know the words, it's just a matter of using them at the right time. And, unfortunately, you're putting them in the wrong mouth. Ranma saying, or even thinking those large and complex sentences? I really can't picture Ranma saying something like "Blessed numbness fills my brain and I continue standing there, watching and staring as Akane is lifted onto a stretcher. Pain wrenches my heart as I consider the cruelty that had been done to her". The "Ranma who is barely able to speak decently" is fannon material, but it's also clear he is not the most well mannered and speaker of the whole manga. Plainly, he doesn't know that vocabulary.
Okay, the Kunô part is just in the line of OoC. The more likely reaction would have been him going nuts and pursuing the attackers, or him accusing Ranma of what happened... something along that thoughts.
Finally, it seems Ranma knows something more than what we have been told. Good to know you are not to spell everything out to us, something good if you want to have intelligent readers that leave intelligent reviews.
In the final part, you seem to forget a lot of things. First, you forget to, bluntly, write. You introduce a new character, the villain. Ok, what does he look like? Now that you needed a good characterization, you forget it. And, of course, the only thing he does is threaten his mercenaries and walk away. That's like, you know, two or three actions, if you count thinking.
But the better part is that, once again, we are forced to change the POV, and, this time, you even forget to warn the readers! The when and the where are also nowhere to be seen. After the talking has been done, we finally discover that they were in a mansion.
So, summarizing, your story lacks what other have too much of: action. Just some happenings, some movements here and there, and that's all. I am not against fics where the thinking is the most important part, it's just that in your fic, nothing happens, everything seems to be "told" by the narrator who, chapter by chapter, jumps from character to character. Choose the third person view or the first person, and stick with it. Instead of updating the story in less than a day with a seven hundred words chapter, take your time and write something enjoyable that last more than two minutes.
I read your profile, as I always do when I review something, and the little bit about reviews caught my attention. Other authors had already left you thoughtful reviews that try to help you improve. Hope you don't waste them.
The Fanfiction Reviewers Academy: Learning right now, right ever.
PD:I shouldn't be writing this, but, "Kendo Baby", I'm still looking for "those flamers". I hope this is not the case where two people from different universes contact thanks to the Internet.
| LaiChan chapter 3 . 11/4/2006
me read. you write... :D yep, like it, you have my blessings, you can go on now... just kidding (but I [really] don't mind you updating...)