Reviews for A Heretic Elite Life
Sir Loin The First chapter 2 . 10/29/2006
not bad... not bad at all...

but u could use pronouns.

ie

instead of "Alto boarded the Apparition Dropship he had see the insides of these ships many times. Alto had 4 Unggoy, 2 Kig-yar, and 4 Sangheili."

try "Alto boarded the Apparition Dropship he had see the insides of these ships many times. He had 4 Unggoy, 2 Kig-yar, and 4 Sangheili."
Might is Write chapter 1 . 10/29/2006
Your story is pretty good so far, but I do have one suggestion: Split the big paragraphs into three or four seperate ones. This is both easier on the eyes and makes your story seem longer when everything's not so packed together. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.