Reviews for Stay With Me
Randa Lahote chapter 40 . 5/29/2012
Are you done with one
Guest chapter 40 . 7/29/2011
You really should do a one shot were natalie and sawyer are reunited like at the end of lost. It would be really neat to see how and where they remeber each other. Hreat story i read it all in one day!
Guest chapter 40 . 7/29/2011
You really should do a one shot were natalie and sawyer are reunited like at the end of lost. It would be really neat to see how and where they remeber each other. Hreat story i read it all in one day!
Just trying to help chapter 11 . 7/11/2011
This story might be good with some editing, but honestly, it's just a straight up Mary Sue. Your dialogue is awful. Everytime someone speaks, they say the name of whoever they are talking to. If they're already involved in a conversation, they do not need to address whom they are speaking to over and over again. This is a perfect example.

"Natalie," Boone said. "What is going on with you."

"Nothing Boone, don't worry about me," she said.

"Natalie, I do. I know we're over but that doesn't mean I don't worry about you."

"I'm fine Boone, I'm fine," she told him. "Don't start worrying about me now."

It makes the dialogue seem fake. And also, every single conversation does not need to start with introductions and departures. Seriously, do you go up to everyone you live with, say, "Hello," and wait for them to say, "Hello." back before you speak to them? The dialogue in this story needs some SERIOUS beta-ing. It's just totally unrealistic. No one has conversations that sound like that.

Now, onto the plot. I was intrigued by the Jack/Nat6alie relation, however, that was the only reaction he had to finding his sister he supposed was dead? That seems a little underplayed, don't you think? It should be some huge emotional moment. And I understand the connections people on the island are supposed to have, but the Jack being her brother and Boone being her ex thing is a little too coincidental. You probably should have gone with one or the other.

And now Natalie, wow. She is a piece of work, huh? WAY too much has happened to this girl. When creating an OC, you need to be a lot more realistic with everything. She comes from a family of doctors and instead becomes a stripper? That's just stupid. Natalie seemingly has no resentment for her father, so if she really needed money, instead of taking her clothes off for it, why wouldn't she just ask her father for help? Or Jack? They seem to have a good enough relationship where he would have helped her out f she'd asked. And yes, maybe someone could be too proud to ask for something like that, but the fact that she felt so degraded by having done that, makes me think that she would rather have asked for money. She is annoyingly the damsel in distress. She got raped by someone on the island with her, and just stuck around the area without telling someone who did it? No rape victim would want to be in that close of an area where a complete stranger had raped her, especially after living away from everyone for three years prior. That entire situation is stupid, and I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it adds to Natalie's Sue-ness even more. She was going to run off for something so much less significant than being raped before, why wouldn't that make her run off? Not to mention how totally and completely self-absorbed she is. All this horrible stuff is happening on the island, there's some random monster, and people have disappeared. Yet Natalie seems much more concerned with her relationship status and hounding around after Sawyer. Come on, that is completely unbelievable. Getting with anyone is the last thing that would be going through someone's mind who had been stuck on this island for three years, reunited with her brother, and also recently raped. And then the whole Justin story was just completely unnecessary. This girl has just been through it all, hasn't she? When creating a character, there is absolutely such a thing as TOO MUCH of a past.

Sawyer is completely out of character. The, 'you're only like this with me' thing is completely over done. You should have made him come around slowly. The whole Boone saying Shannon's name thing is also completely ridiculous. Why would he do it again, at such an opportune moment, when that was apparently the root of their original problem? Let's be realistic; had this situation in their past actually happened, after going through all this work to regain her trust and allegiance, Boone would, weather he was thinking of Shannon or not, be making sure he never uttered that name again like that. And you completely bypass her reactions to the goings on on the island during the time LOST begins, however the plot seems to be in sync with the show. She didn't seem too upset about Claire disappearing or anything of the sort and it just makes this story too focused on the schoolgirl fantasy romance that seems to be going on. Too many people are into this girl; she can't have the attention of every hot guy on the island; come on! Two is the absolute maximum number of hearts she should be able to attract the attention of when dealing with an OC and cannon love interest.

Anyway, I could go on, but I won't. But I seriously suggest you find a GOOD beta, because you actually have a decent vocabulary, somewhat of a base plot that could be good with some altering, and the ability to write more than one chapter.
ImperfectPerfection72029 chapter 2 . 2/10/2011
Oooh, It's only the second chappie I read and already I like Nat. The twistie with Boone is interstin', mega creeper mode turned on when I found out WHO he called.
Psychotic-Penguin13 chapter 40 . 7/28/2010
You really really have to make a sequel to this :)Pretty pretty PLEASE, i really like this story s and i want to know what happend
Pinned back Wings chapter 28 . 1/5/2009
very good story :) keep it up please :"3
Wine gums chapter 40 . 7/12/2007
I hope you make another SawyerOC fic, this was amazing! Really nice story and I really got to like Natalie!

You should carry it on!
Wine gums chapter 39 . 6/30/2007
Nice twist, can't wait for the next chapter!
Wine gums chapter 38 . 6/23/2007
AH UPDATE! God I want to know what happened!

Love it!

Padme4000 chapter 33 . 5/22/2007
loved it
Jasper Girl chapter 33 . 5/22/2007
I totally love your story! I got a thing for these SawyerOC stories and Natalie is a great character. Are we going to see any Jate in your story? I would really love it if you would put some Jate stuff in it. Anyway great story, update soon!
Wine gums chapter 32 . 5/17/2007
Oh good twist! great chapter!

Can't wait for the next one!

Fay x
Padme4000 chapter 32 . 5/14/2007
loved it
Wine gums chapter 31 . 5/12/2007
Love it! I hope she is pregnant and I hope it is Sawyers! Wo

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Fay x
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