|Reviews for What is Blind|
| echostorm chapter 3 . 9/21/2009
dude, u write the best stories but u dont update quickly. this is a story u wrote 3 years ago and it isnt finished
| BlackxValentine chapter 1 . 6/30/2008
so sweet! and LOL Thorn "i've been gone and I find ou mating with a blind girl!" LOL i laughed so hard!
| Hope and love chapter 3 . 6/5/2007
i love it!
| Bear Bum chapter 1 . 12/19/2006
I don't think I'll waste your time by agreeing with all your reviewers on the subject of Murtagh. Instead, Id' like to address some other aspects of this story that are a bit worrisome.
First off, your original character definitely has Mary-Sue characteristics (not that it's hard in Paolini's universe - Eragon is practically an original Marty-Sue): she's of unknown origin, she lived in a special place beforehand, she has some big part to play in the story, she has very special powers, etc. While making her blind might be an interesting trait, your character has little to no flaws, and as such is very unbelievable. Her blindness almost enhances her specialness instead of giving her obstacles to overcome.
Secondly, the part with Galbatorix forcing a marriage with Alethea and Murtagh is highly implausible. From what little we know about Galbatorix, we can deduce that he is a very controlling individual (complete dominance over Murtagh using the ancient language). Despite his apparent madness, he would certainly not marry his Rider off to any old woman Murtagh brought home, and certainly not one who has such special powers. The very existence of such powers - ones that he has no idea how to control, makes her a big, big threat. If he wanted her to marry Murtagh, he would make sure he had complete control over her first - in consistency with his thirst for abolute power and control. As far as your story goes, Galbatorix is pretty OOC as well.
Thirdly, you've got some spelling and grammar issues - minor ones, thankfully. You've got a lot of words that sound like the one you want to use but aren't ("heal" in the place of "heel", for example) scattered throughout the story. Like I said, it's minor mistake, but still annoying. Reading your story after spell-checking is always a good idea - getting someone else to read it as well is even better. They'll catch the tiny mistakes we often make. Also, you might find it helpful to refresh yourself on the rules of apostraphe use - some of your words are possesive when they're meant to be plural.
Fourthly, I'm not very exited about your treatment of romance here. It has a lot to do with Murtagh's OOC-ness, something I promised I wouldn't address, so suffice it to say that your characters are getting too close, too fast. It would be more believable if you slowed the relationship down and dealt the couple a more difficult hand - something they would need to work at to make their relationship work. Very few ships have flawless interactions.
Fifthly (XD), a pet peeve of mine - the corset (This has two parts, forgive my nit-picking.) I am a US civil war reenactor, and I wear a corset as part of my everyday wear. To describe wearing such a garment as "torture" shows a lack of knowledgeabout it. Although today corsets have something of a sexy vibe, back in the day they were about as exciting and utilitarian as a sports bra. They were meant to be comfortable, as they were worn all day - and they were. They still are, if you get them fromt he right place.
Also, Paolini's world seems to have a somewhat Medieval setting to it. Corsets would not be needed for such fashions - they weren't even invented yet. Your character could wear something very similiar - a laced bodice, perhaps, that has a similiar visual effect.
If you've made it this far through my essay, I commend you, and I beg your pardon for writing so much. I do like your writing style - it's very clear, concise, and otherwise to the point. However, as I've pointed out (probably more than you would like) above, there are some issues with this story that make it difficult to believe and thus enjoy. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career - don't stop! Just really test the plausibility of your story in context of the canon - beta readers are so helpful in this area!
Best of Luck,
| ellfie chapter 3 . 12/19/2006
nice and yeah, i understand what you mean with them getting together like that. It would sorta make sense in this sorta time plot, since they had aranged marages and i bet half of the marrages were for money and power, not real love. like in victorian times! a girl would marry an old rich dude who'd hopefully die soon and leave the girl a widow, but rich, and it'd all be HER money! so then she'd be set for the rest of her life D love really never made it into that, since if she got married again, she'd lose all that money to her new husband. complicated stuff, ne? lol
but yeah, i do still enjoy this, just a little weary of the whole "mating" thing supposedly coming up next _
| potpourrie chapter 3 . 12/18/2006
Mwahahaha!We got a wedding in the next chapter!-grins like a maniac- Cute chappie.I giggled at the end for whatever reason.
o.O Hope it makes you happy to know that you can make me laugh at Galbatorix's
| ellfie chapter 2 . 12/17/2006
i still like it but something's still bugging me, but i don't know what! _
Though it's still a pretty enjoyable story ]
| ellfie chapter 1 . 12/17/2006
hm, very OOC in my opinion and kinda out there, but still good none-the-less _ It just kinda bothers me how it seemed to all happen in the first chapter with them... i'm not really sure how to express exactly what bothers me though :\
| Lovebuggy chapter 2 . 11/15/2006
i'm still a little confused as to what's happening. you might want to try putting in those bar thingies when u change scenes, like from her having dinner with murtagh, to her going into his room. i still like it tho! wrote more plz!
| A Kiss Before Dying chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
Yeah, Murtagh is a tad OOC, but it's nice to see someone with such a creative mind as to make him like so. I'm enjoying this fic so far, please keep writing!
| potpourrie chapter 2 . 11/9/2006
Yesh,you are right: Murtagh is just a TAD remins me of my friend,who is just a TAD oO BUt,still a great chapter.
| Lovebuggy chapter 1 . 11/1/2006
oh that's wicked cute! ...i'm not entirely sure of what's going on, but it's cute, nonetheless!
| PouringRain-BlazingStorm chapter 1 . 10/30/2006
Hey! I like your story so far. I can't wait to see what will happen knew with Murtagh and Alethea. Keep up the good work.
| potpourrie chapter 1 . 10/30/2006
Cool story,though Murtagh is definantly OOC.-nodnod- But, none-the-less,great first chapter.