|Reviews for Disorder|
| celinenaville chapter 2 . 6/11/2016
Really suspensefull second chapter! I love this:
"There was no question: these 'powers' were more trouble than they were worth. They proved useful only very rarely, and even then they were painful and traumatic. And when they made him lose control of himself, like they just had, they were also pretty humiliating. He had fought, long and hard, to get Dean to accept him as an adult who could take care of himself. Shit like this undermined him, made him feel helpless, and made Dean see him that way."
This is so true. Poor Sam's visions hampered him so much in the first few seasons. The psychological toll of it making him dependent on Dean must have bothered him.
| celinenaville chapter 1 . 6/10/2016
Haha! Great first chapter. The banter between the brothers is so fun to read. Brought a smile to my face.
And the disembowelment was disgusting.
| Cimamango chapter 17 . 5/2/2016
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards: April 2016
This was a very imaginative premise with lots of really good ideas. You have a nice narrative writing style and I can see that you took care to make sure the story flowed for the reader. The story had a storming start that fills the reader with anticipation and the ending did resolve the major plot points, but it seemed to meander a little in the middle and lose it's way a bit. Also, certain plot threads seemed to tail off- for example, the fallout from the preacher being unmasked as a demon. However, overall, I did enjoy this story- thanks so much for writing.
| SGAavidreader chapter 14 . 3/13/2016
I just wanted to take a moment before I kept reading, to say what a wonderful story this is. I stumbled on your other Supernatural story HunterKiller and enjoyed it so much I went looking for more you wrote. That is how I ended up here. You did not disappoint with this story. I am only saddened by the fact it appears you only wrote 2! By the way your beta, Hanna Korossy is one of my favorite Supernatural authors also.
| BlackIceWitch chapter 17 . 2/20/2016
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards : February 2016
An ambitious story that seemed to lose its way, mainly due to the unnecessary subplots proliferating in the last two-thirds. The introduction of specious antagonists reduced both the psychological horror laid out in the first couple of chapters and subverted the original entity to more mundane threats.
The narrative was clear and ably delivered. Description, dialogue and action were easily imagined, the characterisations gave detailed reasoning and motivations. However, pace and tension were uneven, most often slowed down by unneeded and circuitous internal rambling from the characters. Pace can be effectively controlled by a balance between direct action and thought and the reflections of characters, but should always be in line with the overarching plot – i.e. reflection occurring in a naturalistic downtime for the characters, not in the midst of a crisis scene or its immediate aftermath.
Increasing inconsistencies and inaccuracies between the opening premise and the subsequent assertions and events on both general victims and the protagonists reduced the scale of the story and its intended impact on the reader. The resolutions and character development were difficult to buy for both characters and the period in which the story was set.
| SPNReadingManiac chapter 17 . 2/18/2016
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards Review : February 2016
The story is clearly written, setting mood and atmosphere through both description and action. Scene-setting and passages of narrative were smooth and fluid, the narrative voice unobtrusive to the reader. In showing character, the choice to use a remote third person objective point of view reduced the connection for the reader to the characters. The narrator is telling what the character is thinking, instead using direct thought and feeling to reveal the character, and the result is dry, taking away the immediacy of reaction and response. As an example of this -:
He was relieved, not just because the feeling had gone, but because frankly, he was tired of this.
On the front porch of the house, Sam rubbed a hand through his hair and stretched his neck. God, he was tired of this.
In the first instance, the narrator filters the character’s thoughts and reactions. In the second example, third person subjective, the writer speaks through the character’s actions and internal voice, without the filter, creating immediacy and a closer subjective connection to the character. Writing from within the character’s viewpoint, using the character’s syntax, their thoughts and idiosyncrasies, gives the reader both a more powerful immersion into the story but a better connection between reader and characters. Interestingly, Dean’s viewpoint was far more immediate, possibly due to interpretation of character.
Repetition of concepts disturbed the story’s flow. Consider revising and clarifying what the character is thinking rather than circling ideas multiple times. Also consider revising the over-use of adverbs in dialogue and speech tags. Adverbs, adjectives, metaphors and similes are best used sparingly as they create unintended repetitious rhythms in the story flow when used too prolifically.
The doctor’s discourse on schizophrenia being a disease was erroneous and misleading. It is considered a medical condition, a state of mental illness but can not be described as a disease, having anything to do with disease vectors or infection. It is not caused by an outside biological agent (virus or bacteria). That it is, in this story, caused by an unexplained but suggested field of mental disruption still does not entitle the description ‘disease’ and the constant use of the term was jarring and disruptive.
The Lovecraftian aspirations of the monster would have been more powerful without the need of human and other intermediaries, or the demon subplot. The possible tension created with the creature’s intentions and possible weaknesses was weakened by the various subplots that created discrepancies and inconsistencies within the framework of the story. For example, there was no need for the ex-hunter militant character at all, nor for demon involvement. The ‘messenger’ and the opposing ‘vision creator’ drove all the major plot points and the rest were red herrings at best, their resolution weak, inconclusive or non-existent.
It was quite difficult to decide how much effect the ‘disease’ had on the characters as Sam’s internal agonising seemed matched by Dean’s, without much difference. The intrusion of the subplot of Sam’s mental confusion, partially brought on by the ‘disease’, and partially as a device to work through the issues between the brothers, failed to materialise a tension of its own through excessive repetition of thoughts and feelings, and drew tension from the main plot instead of strengthening it.
| CorbynPool chapter 17 . 1/15/2016
This is now one of my favorite fanfiction stories. I am recommending it to everyone. The character development as well as the insight into their thoughts and motivations was amazing. The story line was good too. It wasn't just a good story because of the impossible villain or the mystery behind the decease though. Honestly, I got incredibly emotional because I was reading about how Sam is losing who he is and how he has to come to grips with his greatest fears, and how Dean wants to protect him and help him through it, but doesn't know what to do. They were incredibly vulnerable with each other, which is something we don't see in the show very often, and it was refreshing. Anyway, thank you very much for taking the time to write and share this story!
| CorbynPool chapter 3 . 1/5/2016
You explain the character's reasoning and thoughts so well. I love this a lot, and it's only the second chapter. _
| Giacinta2 chapter 1 . 12/1/2015
It's wonderful to read fics from the days when the show was concentrated exclusively on the brothers, with all their love for each other and willingness to kill to protect that.
Throw in Sam's freaky powers when no-one was quite sure exactly what they consisted of to top everything off.
Loved it. :)
| Melissa chapter 1 . 8/29/2015
I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanna know where u got the opening for the first chapter from. is it a song? a poem? who wrote it? it's awesome. and if you wrote it, you're AWESOME!
| bunnrk chapter 1 . 12/30/2014
Just wanted to comment that I have NOT READ this story yet. Not even the 1st sentence. Normally I skip the author's note, I just scanned through yours and somehow I'm actually reading it!
Just 3 paragraph in your author's note & I'm already loving your way with words! Hopefully the story is well written as well, I have no doubt!
| Guest chapter 17 . 9/13/2014
Wow. That was just. Wow. Excluding T&S this was the absolute best fanfic I have ever read in my entire life. I don't know if you sold your soul or what for your writing skills but the characterization was scarily spot on and the storyline was just .good.
| Colby's girl chapter 17 . 4/7/2014
Spent the weekend reading your two stories instead of working. Your writing is fantastc. Such depth and emotion mixed with action and humour. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
| FashionablyHospitable chapter 3 . 11/11/2013
Prodromal stage indeed.
| C. I. Smith chapter 17 . 6/16/2013
Wow... truly incredible. This is one of the best fics- hell one of the best stories- that I've ever read. You have a serious talent, and I hope you write more for this show. The style and voice you use to paint the plot makes me jealous. It's truly one of a kind