|Reviews for Krystal in: the Search for Fox|
| Arcana317 chapter 7 . 4/7/2011
I love the funny moments
| blacksnake201 chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
intro is good but short. keep it up
| StarVix chapter 7 . 2/9/2007
U R A NUT! I laughed so hard tears were coming out of my eyes! I Take it back, you are a whole box of nuts!
| Shadowani chapter 3 . 11/6/2006
ok first of all brace yourself.
il give you an a for still going at it despite what people say.
ok now here comes the hard stuff look i know you must enjoy writing but if you really want to fell good you need to put yourself in your characters situation and think what would they do in such a situation.
now you should probly expand your vocabulairy and think of some very simple yet sienctific word to say and also add synonymes so that you dont always say the same thing.
You need to get your characters to say what they mean like diffrent emotions and expresions like saying that Fox warned Krystal to not try and find him(or stuff like that) also try to get them to say things in the character like for example knuckles he isnt a total brute he is more intelegent than that. or shadow he should be all mysterious and criptic and mostly full of pride and sarcasm because face it he has a major ego.
You most definatly put more descriptions like what the uss hedgehog looks like or the planets they visit and stuff readers really like lots of description to sink their teeth into.
Otherwise your stories have improved much since the first time youve posted just play the game repedatly so you can get a handle of each of the reactions these people make.
And il bid you good luck because i still havnt posted a 3rd chapter on any of my stories
| Gen. Darkcat chapter 2 . 11/6/2006
One more time now...
The details people, please. Details are to good stories like food, shelter, and water to living beings, they cannont survive without them; this story needs more details.
Next, Star Wolf, was way too out of character. That's all I can say and that's all that needs to be said. Characters can not be out of character fully, or the story makes no sense.
Lastly, this is still a crossover, it soesn't matter if they came together in a different story, you have to assume your reader hasn't read the other tale. Therefore, you must let them know that there is indeed another part. That is what author notes are for; let them know that it won't make sense unless you read something else first. Whatever you do, don't assume that they have read your other stories, otherwise, you are just going to look like a fool, which you did.
This is the last time you will see me concerning this story, I have to say I am dissapointed; I was hoping to see something other than the hurried works that plauge this section.
-General Darkcat signing out for the last time.
| HAL 10000 chapter 2 . 11/5/2006
Muahahaha! Continue! Ha ha ha ha ha *BOOM*
| Gen. Darkcat chapter 1 . 11/5/2006
Okay, I don't like to hurt others feelings, despite what you may think.
First off, not enough descriptions. You say Krystal is worried, but just how worried? Make it clear to the reader that she is in a state of panic or just a mild frenzy. Paint a picture for your audience, don't tell them about her adventure, show them the journey and take them along for the ride.
Second, please stop repeating yourself over and over. It's okay sometimes if you do it a way where you don't say the same words over and over. Like instead of
... this time he needed Fox to go alone. The mission was that there was this mysterious planet outside the lylat system, and General Pepper wanted Fox to investigate alone. I asked Fox if I could come, but Fox said that the General specifically ordered that Fox was to go alone, so I bid him good luck and he flew away.
You state he needs to go alone at least three times. Try maybe something like this instead:
...the catch was, it was a solo mission; Fox would be on his own. I begged Fox to let me go, but he was adament about following the general's instructions to the letter. Finding it hard to persuade him otherwise, I bid my vulpine leader goodbye, wishing him the best of luck as he flew off into the depth of space.
Thirdly, it is a crossover story, meaning you are taking characters and elements from one fandom and having them interact with another. With that, how did characters from the other two fandoms get to Lylat when it is not their home and how did Star Fox meet them? Also, naming the crossover characters in a list in parantheses is not needed, make it so that the list is part of the story. The parantheses just take away from the whole thing, so leave them out.
Overall, this does have the potential to become a good story IF and only if you make some much-needed changes. I hope you consider redoing this and putting your better foot forward. If you do, you will be doing everyone, but mostly yourself, a huge favor. Show me what you can truly do.
That is your goal.
-General Darkcat signing out
| Denvis001 chapter 1 . 11/5/2006
Go Krystal, save Fox! Update soon please.