|Reviews for Symbiosis|
| Anon chapter 13 . 8/19/2013
The only thing I can say is that the ending was perfect. Just perfect. Kudos to you, I really enjoy your writing style.
| DeadAccount-ClickMeforDetails chapter 13 . 2/11/2012
I realise this story was written a while ago and you may or may not have grown as a writer, but I would like to extensively review it all the same. In short, I thought the story was okay. It’s not bad- not at all. *BAD* is 8/10 stories that come up when you search “Romance” and “Akatsuki”. This wasn’t great in my opinion, neither. It snugly fits in the middle. If this is all you wanted to know, don’t bother reading ahead.
The story, unlike most others, had a stronger start than end. Depending on how you see this, it’s compliment or a complaint. Beginnings are hard, IMO. I was hopeful because it was nice to see a Shino fic in which the concept of bugs was obviously better explored. However, as the story progressed, I felt my enjoyment slowly downgrade, I’m sorry to say. I’ll try to keep my review as balanced as possible, but bear in mind that I am very honest and won’t sugarcoat anything.
I start off with my more negative views, and end my reviews on a positive note. So if you prefer the “good” news first, you should read this from the bottom up. I write the cons in more detail, because I want to explain myself. As for the pros, they’re much shorter because if I’m complimenting it, chances are; you know what you’re doing. Onwards!
~ * CONS *~
I felt that the main con of this story was the pacing. It started off at an okay pace. However, probably as you got more excited, the pace kicked up too much speed. For example, I’m not really sure how it all “developed” between Shino and Ino. However, given that this story is told from Shino’s perspective, I’ll focus more on him than Ino. There is no canon evidence that Shino and Ino are acquainted with each other better than team mates. Hence why ShinoIno is viewed as “cracky.”
This means that in order for the story and pairings to be believable, it is best to deeply explore why they could like each other. It just felt very superficial- Shino thinks Ino is beautiful; making casual references to her appearance… but what was there beyond that? This goes towards characterisation, too. Shino seems like the type of guy to care more beyond her appearance. My other theory is that the bugs caused them to fall in love, but it only seems like the special bugs incite lust, not love (unlike Cupid).
Another main con of I wanted to address is your characterisations- especially of Shino. Again, he started off fine- his dialogue was much better written earlier on. He gradually dwindled into a guy more suited as a protagonist in a harem manga- sort of clumsy, finds himself in unfortunate situations, a little erratic, etc. I want to state to a canon certainty that Shino is rigidly serious, unemotional and calm. There were many moments where those key traits of his were contradicted. I empathise, though- Shino is hard to write for, ESPECIALLY from a first person perspective. A character that canonically doesn’t show his feelings or share his thoughts makes it hard for a first-person to work because first-person stories revolve around a character’s thoughts and feelings. In other words, Shino’s character can sink faster than the Titanic. His trademark way of speech was missing, but that’s not a HUGE offence.
I believe you mentioned that you don’t care about manga canon. It is not good to have an attitude like that, especially if that was an observation made by somebody else in a review. I’m assuming that you only watch the anime. For the most part, as long as you’re not using “filler” material to characterise, it’s fine. The anime is faithful enough to the manga. The fillers depict Team 8 more, but they’re quite out of character. ESPECIALLY Shino. For God’s sake, he laughs, he cries, he has a panic attack… just to name a few examples. In the manga, which is obviously the most faithful to the author’s perception of Shino, Shino does not do those three things even once. My point is that there is a lot of merit in sticking to manga canon rather than anime-filler, but the choice is yours. I merely wanted to state my opinion. In addition, a huge majority of the fandom does not consider fillers and movies to be canon.
Please disregard this if I missed an AU warning/notice somewhere, but I found your take on Konoha not believable as a Naruto fan fiction as I would have hoped. Naruto closely resembles the older, more traditional Japan rather than the modern. For example, about the bar they wrote about. Traditional Japanese bars do not serve cocktails. They act more like pubs, where base alcohol is a speciality rather than mixtures. As a novice cocktail enthusiast, I liked your ideas about how to mix Sake. That was a nice creative touch… but did it work for the Narutoverse? Not at all. Sorry. The Sake part was correct, though. Beer would have worked, also. I understand that this is a humour fic, but let me tell you- NO bar would *knowingly* serve drinks to an underage customer! If they did, they would never hint at it. They’d pretend everything is fine.
~ * PROS * ~
I want to start off by praising the spelling and grammar. It’s nice to know somebody uses some kind of proofreading device, really. The story was well-formatted too. No eye rape; no getting lost in a sea of too-big paragraphs. It was easily to follow. Also, it’s great that you explain obscure terminology to your audience. Personally, I suggest that next time you do so in you’re A/Ns rather than footnote words in your story. Footnoting is too reminiscent of an essay. It might have been jarring for some. The epilogue was a nice touch; given the incredibly sudden ending, it did create some clarity.
The battle in Chapter 12 was interesting!
Although the significance of the special bugs took a back seat for a long time, I liked the actual concept. It is a nice rom-com opportunity.
| DeiDeiArtistic chapter 13 . 12/27/2010
I love you Krizzlybear! JK X3 You are the best, most greatest, most f:)king awesomest, most fantabulous, FANTASTIC ShinIno writer in the universe ever! Sequel or continue this or write a new ShinIno story, I want to see more ShinIno!
| GalanthaDreams chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
Wow :) You got me intrigued and entertained enough to write a review for the first chapter and that's saying something :)
| Lil Enchantress chapter 13 . 12/13/2009
Wow, I can't believe that Shino actually told Ino Kurenai's advice at the very end. Perfect though, it was hilarious. -grin-
I really liked how this story was set up and written as well. You take some common knowledge and expand off of it in a very believable manor. It's seriously amazing.
On top of that, I'm in love with the fact that you put honestly real scenes into parts of it. Maybe it's because you're a guy because I don't know any girl that would actually write the main character feeling like they have to take a poop, let alone them actually doing so. This... embarrassed me when I was reading it, but at the same time it helped me realize that dude... everyone has to poop. Just because I'm not used to reading it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.
I really liked the very beginning of this fanfiction also. You have a special talent for making the stoic Shino do incredibly embarrassing things that know one else would really think of. Like how his arms and legs flail around when he runs. -laughs- You know, I was half-expecting him to run around like that during the Jonin exams. I guess you're nice to him after all though. I could shoot myself for thinking that. -dies-
Ugh. Pardon me... I seem ramble on about everything in these reviews. I try to make them meaningful and I just have too much to talk about with your fanfictions. I apologize for making them all so long. -heart-
Main point to this review- You are an awesome writer. Please never stop writing. And if you write a book, tell me. -cheesy grin-
| Eikyuu the Jellykage chapter 5 . 8/18/2009
ZOMG this was hilarious!
| sionnachsSkulk chapter 13 . 7/7/2009
I kinda want to know what Ino's reaction to that would be...:D
good job on the fic, I loved it! I am now officially a Shino Ino fan. 3
| sionnachsSkulk chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
I get the feeling I know where this is going... yay!
| SPU Commando chapter 13 . 2/6/2009
| instrument trio chapter 13 . 1/3/2009
First of all, I'd just like to say how much I LOVED this story. You have no idea. Hilarious, heart-warming, well-written... I really appreciate the hard work you must have put into this fic. It's the bombdiggity, fo sho. Secondly, I'd never read ShinoxIno before, but you've made me a believer! Finally, yours is the first (and only) fic where I've actually felt sorry that it was over. Thank you so much for posting! GREAT WORK!
| kiwi4me chapter 13 . 12/24/2008
I can't believe Shino actually said it!
any more ShinoxIno from you?
| Saara-dono chapter 13 . 12/24/2008
I'v never read ShinoXIno before and the way you did it was wonderful! The story was able to progress nicely and mot move to fast or to slowly, iactually enjoyed the 'filer' chapter, it added a new aspect to the story. and...
Shino's so cute!
I really enjoyed this story, I just sat there and ate it up
ROCK ON MAN!
| Bornonceagain2543 chapter 13 . 5/28/2008
Aaw, its over? But I loved it! It's the first story I read about this pairing and I have to admit that you did a great job!
| sophia666 chapter 13 . 5/26/2008
Great story. I loved it, especially the ending. Kurenai would be proud. Wonderful Ino/Shino.
| s.lee723 chapter 13 . 4/30/2008
omg! i love this story. it kept me laughing the whole time. And totally loved the ending! :] keep up the great stories