Reviews for Alora and Golden Bat
beelzemongirl chapter 1 . 8/5/2009
I actually saw this years ago. I don't remember why I didn't leave a review. This is good. I've just now started to get back into the series and I figured I'd come back and find this. It's great, but I really wish you'd update a tad bit. Please...But yeah, this is going on my faves. See ya!
MistressofDawn1990 chapter 1 . 4/30/2007
Hm..not bad. The best thing this story needs is spacing between conversation and paragraphs. Other than that, its good! Continue to update please!

God Bless!
Evil Riggs chapter 1 . 4/24/2007
Ouch.

Here's what you need to do:

-Divide up the dialogue into paragraphs, so that a new speaker starts a new paragraph. As is, this is very hard to read.

-Do the same so that each paragraph envelops a single idea or theme.

-Insert more visual and general sensory description. It will enliven a somewhat flat story.

Do all this, and I'm sure things will look much better. Good luck.