|Reviews for When something is amiss|
| Fullmetal Vampire Lover chapter 1 . 1/4/2013
One shot? Hell no. These crackers better stay together foreva XD
| TheCupcakeMonster chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
WOAH! HOT! gez what a pervert roy is! But...i like..perverts
YAY FOR AWESOME ONESHOT
| shipet100 chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
| Full Flame Demon chapter 1 . 2/22/2008
wow. thats all i have to say... (in a good way)
| RaaiSesshyFan chapter 1 . 6/28/2007
Wow, that was amazing. Although, I did get a bit confused at some parts, overall it was a very good story. Can't wait to read more from you.
| Vixyfox chapter 1 . 3/16/2007
| XtotallyinlovewithsasukeX chapter 1 . 3/8/2007
that was just...AWESOME! Ed on Roy action is the best!
| kiiroi yumetobu chapter 1 . 1/20/2007
whoah... that was really hard lol w nice one...
| thebelovedpariah chapter 1 . 12/26/2006
awesome fic! I enjoyed it very much! Kepp up the god work with other fics aswell.
| invulove chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
| animecrazy6 chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
Awesome fic! loved it. great job.
| DaisukeNiwa14 chapter 1 . 11/24/2006
XD Love the ending. Awesome story, can't wait to see your other works. :)
| The-Muse-In-Me chapter 1 . 11/17/2006
Wow how bad was it that your brother read this? lol if my sister ever read something like this because of me, even if I hadn't writen it, I wouldn't be able too look her in the face for months!
| Snowfalcon chapter 1 . 11/14/2006
Okay, I liked the story. But when you started the kissing part, it got kinda confusing as to what they were actually doing and I would suggest a few changes. Mustang "pushed him downwards", at first I thought you ment Ed himself, but I had to read it again to notice you were refering to his hands, and not his whole body. It says Ed is standing but then Mustang "suddenly bucken into the boy above him", above how? Arent they both standing? Oh, and although I love this sentence "The innocence behind each testing stroak Ed did made Mustang groan in pleasure..", it might sound better if it was "The innocence behind each of Ed's tentative stroaks made Mustang groan in pleasure..." And If Mustang is grabbing Ed's ass while he's pinning him to the couch, isn't his hand being crushed? And although I like the triple orgasm thing, you might want to have more foreplay, as you've made Ed shy and it seems like he might need alot more reassurances in the form of loving caresses than you've got Mustang giving him. And Mustang loves him right so it would be something Mustang would do to make the experience more pleasurable for Ed. And although Ed would likely want revenge on Mustang for taking him, I think he would be more tentative and at least ask permission first.
Generally I don't write much more than "Good job" even if I didn't really like it, but I did like your story and with a bit of tweaking it could be up to it's full potential. A little editing from an outside source always goes a long way when I write my fics(ignore the one on my profile, I did that years ago and it shows) and they generally are much improved afterwards. So if you've got the time it would be worthwile to fix it up. Good luck!
| MakoMori chapter 1 . 11/12/2006
My god, only five reviews! A story as good as this needs more than that!
Great story, I love the Ed x Roy paring, it is my absolute favorite. Favs Great job!