Reviews for The Second Survivor
geetac chapter 10 . 12/13/2013
I enjoyed reading the chapters very much and want more of the story.
someone chapter 9 . 5/4/2013
oooooooooohhh, harry wont be on the marauders map; now that hes unplottable.
Olaf74 chapter 10 . 2/6/2010
*removes his Jaw from the floor*


You are full of surprises! In the positive turn i mean.

Please continue the story very very soon.
ObsessedWithHPFanFic chapter 10 . 12/19/2009
Good story thus far. I like Inez and her way of helping Harry. Thanks for sharing!
jilumasam chapter 10 . 1/11/2009
Very nice story and a very nice setup as well. I'm looking forward to seeing how Harry progresses.

Keep up the good work
ladysavay chapter 10 . 1/11/2009
I really like where you're going with this. I am a little confused about the timeline. What is the date at the end of chapter 10? Will Harry be going back to Hogwarts? How long will he be hiring her for and when will he/they think the job is done? Will she help him? Will he help her with her job(s)?
Opy chapter 10 . 1/10/2009
Can't wait to read more. I am loving it! Please update soon!
rellenh chapter 10 . 1/10/2009
Very nice story!
TLDriver66 chapter 6 . 5/14/2008
Who was the little girl Harry found dead in the park?
kubas89 chapter 1 . 5/10/2008
hpnut1 chapter 9 . 5/9/2008
I liked it, great job!
cyiusblack chapter 9 . 5/9/2008
update soon
Darksnider05 chapter 9 . 5/8/2008
Story is always a unique eh curious as to where their goin.
Jimmy Pneumatic chapter 1 . 4/16/2008
Your prose is easy to read, I'll give you that. However, I can see some warning signs already. Let's take a look:

"She was beautiful, with soft features and full dark lips. Her long dark hair was tangled and wet from the rain, but the dark halo it created behind her head on the entry floor made her pale face seem to glow."

Just how dark is she? Is she Goth? Use different adjectives if you're doing a long description - or, better yet, don't bother describing her in such detail. Also, I still don't really have a good mental image of her. Tell what age she appears to be.

In addition, the phrase, "She was beautiful" sounds silly when said by the narrator, as does the description of her lips. I would have written the description like this:

"She appeared to be in her mid-20s(that's a lie, I don't know how old she's supposed to be), with dark hair and smooth features."

There, I just cut out about 30 unnecessary words, while making her that much clearer.

"She was bleeding in a dozen different places, looking like she had just walked through a food processor. The cuts were clean and shallow, there were just so many of them. Blood seeped from them, staining her unusual attire. She wore a brown shirt that laced up one side. It was covered by a dark brown coat that fell to her knees. On her feet were soft leather boots that came most of the way up her calf, the tops of which were covered by a dark green skirt, the bottom of which was unevenly cut, with tendrils past her knees and slits up to mid thigh. She was also wearing a pair of tan leggings under the skirt, tucked into the tops of her boots. The strange thing was that none of the clothes seemed to have been cut by whatever had sliced her up, just the skin underneath was torn. Stranger yet, she had a wide brown belt fastened around her waist, off which hung a long sword in a dark scabbard. Its hilt was silver, embedded with blue stones that seemed to glow with an inner light. They matched the perfectly cut stone that hung around her neck on a delicate silver chain."

Oh, boy. EVERY bad fanfiction starts with a long-winded description of the main character, and this one takes the cake. I'm not using this as a drawing reference, I want to read the story! Her attire also appears unnecessarily unusual, but it isn't much of a problem. The magic pendant and sword are cliches. I would have written it like this:

"She was bleeding heavily from dozens of gashes. Even stranger was her attire, which was mysteriously intact. She wore calf-length boots, a strange, laced shirt, and a green skirt, with a coat over all of it. A sword hung at her side, its hilt holding a jewel that matched the one on her necklace."

Do you see how much streamlining can improve the flow of a paragraph? You should use it.

Please tell me if you thought that my criticism was helpful.
zafaran chapter 8 . 2/27/2008
Very interesting so far. Swords may not be used that much in modern society, but the Wizarding World's not exactly modern, and he has previously had to use the Sword of Godric Gryffindor in battle. There's no reason to not to suspect that it may happen again. I can't wait to find out what happens in the upcoming chapters. I hope your schedule and muse will allow you to write and post more chapters sometime soon. Keep up the good work. Zafaran {mailto:} zafaran {at} fastmail {dot} fm
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