|Reviews for Common Grounds|
| Wyrmseeker chapter 2 . 1/8/2007
As far as readability goes, this one is much improved over your last one. It would still help to re-read what you write, though. Knoll is quite changed in this fic; I doubt he ever fought with Grado, as he was a scholar, not a soldier. You should provide some background on that, just to clear it up. It's OK to change things from the original work, but you have to explain it to us, or we'll be lost. Having Joshua die added an interesting twist, and boosted the originality factor. But you need to explore Knoll's relationship with Natasha before having him say "I did not let Joshua die", because as it is, it comes out of nowhere. Knoll didn't have a reason to let Joshua die, so why wold Natasha think it?
Anyhoo, this is better so far than your last fic. It still needs improvement, but there's nothing you won't be able to handle.
| Frog-kun chapter 1 . 11/10/2006
Wow, you have a big vocabulary. Me no understand... But that's good, though. Keep it up!
| Lemurian-Girl chapter 1 . 11/10/2006
Not bad. There are a few issues that need working out. Writing wise, the first thing you need to do is to cut down on your "to be" verbs, especially with dummy subjects (there was/is, for example.) Efficient writing uses action verbs rather than forms of the verb "to be".
Second, the story is basically their support conversations. You said there will be three chapters, right? Am I right in assuming that the second will be their "B" conversation, the third their "A"? Now, you did go a step further than most and add some detail to it, but on the whole, it is rather unchanged. You even put in the "...", which is not needed. You need to lengthen it a bit more, add more detail. Show their feelings more deeper, illustrate their conversation more vibrantly. Detail will add to the mystery of Knoll and help show us Natasha's feelings on the subject more clearly. Also, try to add in some scenes not covered in the game, so that we can see new interactions between them.
Remember to proofread, again and again. Spellcheck is your friend, and if you don't have a spellchecker, try to find a beta. Comma usage and wordiness were common issues.
Still, you show the beginnings of a good writer. Despite the structral issues, I can see the beginning scene unfold. You present the facts and scene clearly, though the diction could use some work. The best way to get better is to continue writing ; work at it and it'll come in time.