|Reviews for Halo: The Arbiter|
| Ganheim chapter 2 . 3/22/2007
Chapter I: Cairo Station
Master Gunnery Sergeant Mike Hanes was not a particularly huge,
[More often ‘large’ would have been the adjective to begin this string, and I think it would fit better than ‘huge’.]
And by "field testing," Hanes meant "fucking up everything in the whole damn suit and making him spend seven hours on the line with some jackass in Songnam to get the replacement parts shipped up to the station."
[An excellent humor break in what began a story with bleak overtones, well done.]
"What the hell did you do to this damn suit?"
[The typical emphasis in this sentence would just be the word “hell”.]
Even with their massive technological advantage, fifteen ships were far too many, especially if the Covenant were expecting to attack Earth.
[Shouldn’t that say that fifteen were far too few?]
Johnson flashed the Spartan a perfect white-toothed smile.
“Now that’s my kinda thinking, Chief.”
[You were doing so well, and then you went and mixed subjects in the paragraph. Moving Johnson’s action down to his line of dialogue would fix that perfectly.]
I'm also going to take a few steps to make the Cairo Station battle progress slightly more logically than it did in-game; for example, Johnson's accompanying the Master Chief.
[More logical progression is excellent, but however you explain it, I don’t think it makes sense for a man without body armor to be following the armor-suited ‘Master Chief’ into combat. Just my opinion, I know games and stories violate that often.]
Other than your mix of object source near the end of the chapter, that was excellently written and a thrill to read. Your portrayal of combat seemed calm and accurate and kept its pacing the whole way through while remaining detailed enough that I could visualize everything going on. If you don’t mind the fandoms, I’d be pleased to see your feedback on one of my stories.
God bless and happy writing,
| CowgirlTEX chapter 4 . 3/12/2007
Simply put, this is definitely one of the (few) best and well-written Halo fanfictions that I've read. And one of my favorites, now. ;-)
Your descriptions of battle scenes are great. Descriptive and fast-paced.
And, I'm majorly grateful for this, the Master Chief and everyone else are in-character. I see a huge problem with OOC-ness in practically every section of fanfiction I've read, but your writing doesn't have it.
Can't wait for the next chapter! :)
| Reanimation-06 chapter 4 . 2/28/2007
WOW... have u considered becoming an author? Simply WOW... those are some amazing literacy skills...
| Kavek chapter 4 . 2/13/2007
*nods* Well crafted. I agree - this is a sight better than the other novelizations. Not much to point here on the negative side of things, except for the fact that the last time this was updated would have been LAST MONTH. ;-)
As far as the MAC gun goes, I agree with Peptuck. To a certain point, a magnetically-propelled projectile is a magnetically-propelled projectile, but then you have to consider size, velocity, and barrel acceleration.
A MAC gun's shell is propelled by magnetic coils in the barrel. Thus, the longer the barrel, the faster the shot is going to travel, and consequently, it will impact with greater force. Let's just hypothesize that the projectile accelerates at the rate of 50/m/s. [That's probably ridiculous, of course, but whatever. ;-)] So, if the barrel is 100 meters long, your projectile will travel accordingly.
So if a SuperMAC gun barrel is 10 meters long (*shrug*), the projectile is traveling that much faster. 10 meters clears right through a capital-class ship. 100 meters maybe wrecks the shield. Remember - in space, there's no resistance or drag, so an object leaves the barrel at 10 m/s, it's going 10 m/s when it impacts, period.
| Vehrec chapter 4 . 2/6/2007
On the subject of Orbital mechanics: Anything in orbit is always falling, but it's simply falling in such a way that it's velocity carries it in a circle or elipse around the object it's orbiting. Gravity is a force that is stronger the closer the two masses are together, but the formula for this is can be expressed as the universal gravitational constant multiplied by the sum of the masses divided by the square of the distance. It's always best to measure the force of gravity based on the distance between the center of object 1 and object 2. It's a sad state of the afairs of physics that Gravity is so weak that nobody has ever been able to get a truely accurate estimate of the strength of the constant.
However, I can say with a certain amount of certainty that falling to earth from orbit would cause you to gain velocity at a rate of about 2m/s/s. Doesn't sound like much, but after five minutes you're falling to earth at 600m/s. The only way that the Master chief could have made any kind of soft landing on either the carrier or In Amber Clad would have been for them to be decending at almost exactly the same rate as him. And if they were just free-falling as the lack of roaring thrusters seems to indicate, that's not a major streach.
| Wanderer chapter 4 . 2/1/2007
A damned fine read. Better than any of the novels I've read so far. Keep up the good work!
| Kolostramin Indincranin chapter 4 . 2/1/2007
I'm afraid I must take issue with this chapter in several ways. One, there are quite a few more mistakes than is usual for you.
Two, gravity does not affect things that quickly-especially if the moving object is as small and moving as (relatively) slowly as John was.
But I did always wonder how he managed any sort of course corrections in space. Nice touch.
Erm...I think that's all. No wait-one more comment. The Chiefs comment about In Amber Clad taking on the carrier. A MAC gun, even a ship-mounted one, does hellish damage against anything. And she wouldn't even have to get close.
But then, if I question that, it brings up the question of why she asked for permission at all-everyone was shooting at the time.
| freelancer92 chapter 4 . 1/30/2007
that was very good.
| Elias Dae chapter 3 . 12/16/2006
That was an awesome chapter! No complaints what so ever.
Although I wonder how rigidly you will stick to the game's version of events.
Keep it up!
| ssj4 broly chapter 3 . 12/16/2006
dude, this is a really good story, its well writtin, and is very descriptive. please update soon.
| LordShotGun chapter 1 . 12/15/2006
perfect start. With refrences to every one of the books and halo combat evolved. this is without doubt the best of novilazations i have read during my time as a visitor to
| freelancer92 chapter 1 . 12/13/2006
that was great, very detailed and specific. I like it.
| Hawki chapter 3 . 12/12/2006
Good chapter. You're able to describe the battle scenes in detail and keep the action constant yet not make it become labourious and repetitive. Good job.
| crspybot chapter 3 . 12/12/2006
awesome, yo. Keep writing! XD
| crspybot chapter 2 . 12/3/2006
this is, simply put, awesome. Beautifully written and creatively conceived. Update soon, please!